How to Celebrate an Anniversary in a Bad Marriage

Co-authored by Lia Huynh, LMFT and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: July 4, 2024 Fact Checked

If you're in an unhappy marriage, thinking of a fitting anniversary celebration can feel impossible. Not to worry: no matter what state your marriage is in, there's always a way to honor and celebrate it in a way that feels healthy for you. Whether you spend the day infusing passion back into the relationship, reconnecting emotionally with your spouse, or feel safer celebrating solo, you'll find all the tips you need right here. Read on for a complete guide to celebrating an anniversary in a bad marriage.

1

Write your spouse a card.

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Rather than empty platitudes, express your honest feelings in the card. Take the opportunity to give your spouse the gift of sincerity and open up to them using the card.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} Be honest and respectful; tell them how you're feeling about the marriage, about them, and what—if anything—you want to do to get the marriage back on track.^{[2]
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- Writing your thoughts down makes it easier to start a conversation with your spouse than talking face-to-face right away.
- For example: "It's been a tough year, but I believe in us. Let's move forward with open hearts and high hopes for the future!"
- If "I love you" doesn't feel honest right now, think about why you're grateful for your spouse and thank them for their best qualities.
- For example: "You are the best parent our kids could ever ask for! I appreciate the dedication and care you give them. Happy anniversary!"
- Write her a card apologizing for your mistakes and listing all the things you love about her.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lia Huynh, LMFT
  Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2022.}

2

Reflect on the marriage together.

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Talk about the good times to set a positive mood for the day. Sometimes in a bad marriage, you become so set in your ways that you forget about everything that made the relationship great. Couples inevitably face hard times, and while some hardships aren't so simple to overcome, reflecting and appreciating the good memories you have together can make all the difference.^{[4]
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- Turn reflection into a fun activity by making an anniversary book. Grab some photos and scrapbooking supplies, or make one and print it online if you prefer.

3

Try something new.

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Sometimes, a marriage turns bad because both spouses fall into a routine. Introduce a new and exciting spark to your marriage by trying a new activity or experience with your spouse. Pick something neither of you has ever tried but perhaps have wanted to in the past. Anniversaries are the perfect time to go on that adventure you've always dreamed about!^{[5]
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- For example, take a cooking class or learn to salsa dance together. If you're feeling especially daring, take life by the horns and go sky diving, or splurge on a hot air balloon ride. The more exciting, the better.
- Think about something your spouse would really like, whether that's a puppy, a candlelit dinner at home, or a bouquet of flowers.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Michelle Jacoby
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.}

4

Recreate your first date.

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Revisiting your first date is another great way to revitalize the romance. Return to the place you and your spouse had your first date, and recreate the whole thing as best you can. You'll naturally reflect on the good times you've had together—and especially the first time you spend time together in a romantic setting.^{[7]
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- It might also help turn your marriage in a healthier direction. Some couples get into routines and forget to keep the romance going in their marriage. Go on dates and woo each other just as much as you did when you were dating!

5

Go on another honeymoon.

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Recreating your honeymoon can represent a fresh start for your marriage. Go back to the same area, city, and even the same hotel from your original honeymoon, and reflect on how you felt for your spouse in the early days of the marriage. Because you started your marriage with a honeymoon, returning to it can help you remember the joy you shared with your spouse.^{[8]
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- It's okay if you can't recreate the honeymoon exactly. Do what you can and focus on getting quality time with your spouse. It's the effort that counts!

6

Take a vacation together.

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Enjoy quality time together without life getting in the way. Choose a romantic destination that offers plenty of alone time for you and your spouse. Even a weekend getaway or an overnight trip can help you refocus on your spouse and the marriage instead of worrying about work or other obligations.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} A change of scenery can also be refreshing and make your anniversary feel fun and exciting.^{[10]
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- Try camping or a remote couples' retreat. It can be calming to spend time in nature, away from the outside world's distractions.
- Plan a trip to a city you've never visited before but always wanted to. Spend your anniversary out adventuring with your spouse!
- Do something romantic, like going on a wine-tasting tour or enjoying a day at a festival.
- You could even get plane tickets and go on a destination vacation if you have the means. Spend time relaxing at a resort or on a warm beach.

7

Treat yourself to "me" time.

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If celebrating together won't help, don't be afraid to take "me" time instead. Book a treatment at a spa, or go for a scenic hike by yourself and breathe the fresh air. Even if you do make plans with your spouse, take some time beforehand to get yourself in a calmer and more relaxed mindset first.^{[11]
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8

Celebrate with a trusted confidante.

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If you can't celebrate with your spouse, celebrate with someone else. Spend the day with a friend or family member who can offer you compassion and support. No matter the state of your marriage, you deserve a chance to celebrate how far you've come. Staying connected to close friends is a great way to survive an unhappy marriage, whether or not that marriage is saved in the end.^{[12]
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- If you talk to them about your marriage, a confidante can also offer you perspectives that you might not think of by yourself.

9

Focus on your actions, not your spouse's reactions.

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Celebrate in whatever way feels right and try not to overthink it. In a bad marriage, sometimes it's hard to make any decisions on how you'll celebrate for fear of doing the wrong thing. Make anniversary plans you think you'll both enjoy—and regardless of your spouse's attitude, always remember that it's the thought that counts!
- When planning a celebration, ask yourself what's important to your spouse.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lia Huynh, LMFT
  Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2022.} Do something you both enjoy and spend time together. So long as you're trying to make it a good day for both of you, you're doing great.^{[14]
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  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  
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- Do something meaningful that shows there is some hope for the relationship.^{[15]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lia Huynh, LMFT
  Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2022.}

10

Manage your expectations.

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Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself or your anniversary. When a marriage is on the rocks, the last thing you want is to disappoint yourself by hyping up the anniversary, only for it to be different than you had hoped. Don't expect to fix everything in one day or stress yourself out trying to make everything perfect. Spend the day treating both yourself and your spouse with compassion instead.^{[16]
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- It can be tough to celebrate an anniversary when you're in the middle of a conflict with your spouse, but remember that trying to force a solution to a problem might just make it worse.

11

Get support from a therapist.

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Therapy can improve your marriage and your own mental health. Though it may be an unconventional way to celebrate an anniversary, ask your spouse if they would be open to couples' counseling. Explain that you want to make the marriage work, and you feel that counseling would be the best way to move forward.^{[17]
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HelpGuide
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- Pick a therapist you both feel comfortable opening up to emotionally.
- Approach therapy with open minds. Fixing a bad marriage with therapy requires dedication and vulnerability from both spouses.

12

Remember that your marriage doesn't define you.

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Relationships are not the only way to find happiness in your life. Many marriages go through rough patches that are fixed with enough time, love, and work from both spouses. However, if you've tried everything and can't save the marriage, there's no need to fear being single. Happiness is always possible, regardless of relationship status!^{[18]
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- Your spouse isn't responsible for your happiness—you are! If you're unhappy, then it's up to you to either communicate your needs to your spouse so you can both make changes in the marriage or move on if that proves impossible.