How to Chat

Co-authored by Scott Nelson, JD

Last Updated: August 30, 2024

Chatting is an experience unique to the internet. There is a certain rush to interacting with complete strangers across the globe in real time. While chatting can be unsafe if you don’t take a few precautions, you can find a whole world of interesting opinions and people if you spend some time in various chat rooms across the internet. Follow this guide to learn how to get started chatting, how to act depending on the community, and how to protect yourself from predators and other malicious users by reading this guide.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Choosing a Chat Program

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Ask yourself if you will be chatting mainly with friends or mainly with strangers. There are different chat programs and services that are suited for different types of chatting. Are you going to be chatting one-on-one with friends and family? Are you more interested in chat rooms that anyone can join, or chatting directly with strangers? How anonymous do you want to stay?
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Get a direct messaging program for chatting with friends and family. The most important thing to consider when you want to chat with people you know is what program they use. In order to chat with someone, you’ll need to use the same program or service that they do.
- Chances are your friends and family use Facebook, which comes integrated with a chat program. You can use this chat to talk with other Facebook users on their computer on through mobile phones. You will need to be Facebook friends with the person you want to chat with.
- Skype is one of the world’s most popular direct chat programs, and offers a little more anonymity than Facebook. You don’t have to use your real name to sign up for a Skype account. Skype has recently absorbed MSN, another popular chatting app, making MSN users Skype users.
- There are a variety of direct chat apps available for smartphones. Some of the most popular include Kik, SnapChat, and WhatsApp. You will need to add other users to your contacts before you can chat with them.
- AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) is another chatting program that has declined in usage over the years but still remains popular. You will need to add other users, but you don’t have to use your real name.
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3
Use browser-based chat services. There are a huge number of chat services that you can access through your browser. These are typically anonymous in that you have a username that you use instead of your real name. Popular sites include:
- Omegle and Chatroulette are both is a direct chat programs that connect you with another random user. This programs use your webcam if it is attached. You don’t have any control over the person that you are about to talk to.
- There are a variety of websites that host chat rooms. These include video chats as well as text chats. Popular sites include Yahoo! Chat, Tinychat, Spinchat, and many more.
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Use a chat client to connect to a variety of chat rooms. While chat rooms are declining in popularity, there are still many large, active chat communities out there. Most need special software to connect to, while others are browser-based.
- IRC (Internet Relay Chat) is one of the oldest collection of chat rooms on the internet. You can still find chat rooms for a wide variety of interests. You will need to download an IRC client in order to use it, most of which can be found for free.
- ICQ is a chat protocol that has been around since the days of AOL. There are a variety of programs that you can use to access ICQ, such as the official ICQ client, Trillian, and Pidgin.
Beyond the ways listed above, there are a massive number of ways that you may find yourself chatting with others. Online games, school and work settings, technical support, and many more are all venues that you may end up chatting online with others. All of these different communities have different standards and ideas of acceptable and expected behavior

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Learning Basic Netiquette

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Netiquette is a term that basically refers to acting politely on the internet. The need for good netiquette has arisen as anonymous posting online has led to increases in abuse and unfriendly behavior. By practicing good netiquette, you help build the online community and contribute to a more productive atmosphere.^{[1]
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2
Remember that behind every name is a person. Ask yourself if you would say the same things if you were face to face with the person. Just because you are in an anonymous setting doesn’t mean you should act as if there are no consequences to your words.
- Netiquette is a relative idea depending on where you are and who you are interacting with. If you are chatting with friends, you will probably have different levels of what is acceptable.
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Say hello when you enter a chat. Everyone will be able to see when you enter a chat room, so greet everyone with a friendly hello. If you join and stay silent, others may distrust you. The purpose of chat rooms is to engage with others, so make sure that you are contributing.
- It is also polite, especially if you are actively participating in conversations, to say goodbye when you are leaving the chatroom. Other users will remember this and be more likely to be friendly towards you the next time that they see you.
This is perceived as shouting by other readers, and is difficult to read. Save capitals for extreme emphasis, and don’t use them in every sentence.
This is especially important in chat rooms with a lot of random people. Flooding means sending messages to the chat room one after the other in rapid succession. This keeps others from being able to start conversations, and you will be seen as a chat hog. Flooding a channel will most likely get you kicked.
There are chat rooms for almost every interest in the world. This means that you are rebound to come across rooms that discuss or support topics you disagree with. Instead of attacking the members of that chat group, consider moving on to a new community. While good arguments are essential and important, especially for controversial topics, there is no point in trying to convince everyone to see things your way.
7
Learn internet shorthand and use it appropriately. There are a variety of common phrases and expressions that have been shortened for use in chats. These include classics such as LOL (laughing out loud), BRB (be right back), AFK (away from keyboard), AFAIK (as far as I know). Beyond these, each community may have its own shorthand that they have developed.
- Always be sure that you know what the acronym means before you use it. Many reference bad language that could cause a reaction that you don’t want.
- Make sure that your usage is appropriate for the situation. No one wants to read an “LOL” after saying that their friend is sick.
8
Use grammar appropriate for the situation. In most casual chat situations, grammar is one of the least important things you have to worry about. If you are dealing with an academic or professional chat however, you will want to take the extra few seconds to ensure that what you type reads well and is error-free.
- Base your grammar usage on the community around you. If you are constantly writing immaculate sentences but everyone else in the chatroom is using shorthand and doesn’t care about spelling, you may be singled out. Conversely, if everyone is typing thoughtfully, you will stick out if you don’t attempt to match the style.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Protecting Yourself

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Unless you are using programs tied to your real identity, such as Facebook, choose a user name that masks your true identity. Avoid anything that could give clues to figuring out who you are. Use things such as hobbies or names derived from books or movies to help create an identity that you like while protecting your personal information.
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Don’t give out personal information unless you absolutely trust the other person. There are lots of shady people out there who will take whatever information they can from you and profit from it. Guard your personal information as closely as you would any valuable in a strange place.
- Never give out your passwords to anyone, even if they say they work for the company running the chat. All companies can reset your password or access your account if necessary; none of them need you to give them your password. If anyone asks for your password, assume that they are going to do something malicious with it.
- When using a webcam, make sure that there is nothing that can personally identify you in the image. People are surprisingly adept at tracking others down using the most innocuous clues. Hide any letters on your desk that may have your address, and make sure that your real name isn’t printed on something hanging on the wall behind you
3
Don’t meet someone online unless you know it’s safe. Many people use online chats to meet new people in real life, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be sure that when you do decide to meet someone, that you are doing so in a safe manner. People can pretend to be anything they want online, so make sure that you trust the person before meeting.
- Always tell someone that you know that you are going to meet a person that you met online. Give them the details about where you are meeting and when you expect it to be over.
- Always meet for the first time in a public place during the day. Never agree to a first meeting at your house or theirs.
Even if no one is actively reading the logs, your messages and IP address are noted every time you post a message. These records could come back to haunt you if you find yourself doing illegal things while chatting. Always assume that someone else can read your chats, even if they’re marked private.

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Warnings

There are some communities in which using an abundance of Internet shorthand is frowned upon, indeed, you may be ignored, or it may go so far as earning you public ridiculing. In these communities, using shorthand is seen as a sign of idiocy or laziness.

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