How to Choose a Role Model

Co-authored by Jennifer Butler, MSW

Last Updated: February 22, 2024 Approved

Role models are important. They help us become the person we want to be and inspire us to make a difference. Choosing wisely means that you will be positively influenced and encouraged to be the best person possible. Choosing a role model in your personal life is different than choosing a celebrity role model but by following a few steps you can choose the best people to fill these roles in your life.

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Choosing a Role Model That You Know

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A role model that you know can help you to mature and grow as a person. They can give guidance and advice and offer real-world examples of how to achieve your best.
These are the things you do not like or want to change about yourself and are important in determining how you wish to change.

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Do you want to live in a certain way? Achieve something in particular? Become a certain kind of person? Make a list of the things you want to achieve, both as a person and in your life.
As you start to consider how you can choose a role model, try to develop faith in yourself as a person. The goal of choosing a role model is to motivate you to become a better person. You must have confidence in yourself and your abilities to become whoever you wish to be.
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Identify people who exhibit the same qualities that you wish to achieve. If you want to be an inspirational person, think about the people who inspire you. Do a little brainstorming. Why do you admire them so much? What is the message they send through their actions?
- Great role models may exist all around you. These people may have a more profound impact on you and might even be able to mentor you, making them great potential choices as your role model.
A good role model would be someone who knows who they are. You don't want someone who seems perfect but doesn't have a sense of purpose. You want someone who won't pretend to be someone they are not.
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Choose someone who makes you feel good about being you. Your role model should be someone who thinks it is all right to be unique, even if that means accepting some ridicule. They should always make you feel positive and good about being yourself.
- The purpose of having a role model is to encourage and inspire you to improve yourself. If your choice of role model does not make you feel this way then it is best to choose another.
This person should be kind and can communicate well with people. People are easy to understand and emulate when they communicate well.
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Consider people who are not top performers. It is better to choose a role model who exhibits reliable competence and who has gained their position through dedication and hard work. Often the flashy people who have succeeded spectacularly are those who took big risks and got lucky, rather than those who are the most skilled. It is better to choose a role model who works hard and consistently for their success.^{[1]
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- Choosing a top performing role model can actually discourage and demotivate you because it is hard to emulate their spectacular performance unless you also get lucky.^{[2]
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Choose someone who is different to you. We are all tempted to choose a certain role model because we see something of ourselves in them. These role models will only hold you back because you are not really changing any characteristics of yourself, you are simply perfecting characteristics that are already there. Choose a role model because you see something in them that you are ‘’not’’ but definitely need to be.
- Emulating a role model who is not like you will not feel comfortable or natural but it will stretch you and motivate you to levels of yourself you thought you never knew.
- Choose a role model you would not normally consider emulating.
- For example, if you are bold and spontaneous, choose someone who is steady and known for thorough analysis.^{[3]
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Learn about their successes and failures. It is important to learn about both the successes and failures of your role model. Sometimes learning about the failures of your role model can actually encourage and motivate you more than learning about their successes. By learning about their failures you realize that they, like you, are only human and will make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and keep working to improve yourself.
- For example, even famous scientists such as Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein struggled and failed many times in their lives but they kept working hard to achieve and eventually they were successful. By learning about their struggles you can motivate yourself to keep working hard even when nothing seems to be working.^{[4]
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Choose someone that you know and observe succeeding in life in a way that resonates with your moral values and beliefs for your role model. A role model should be someone that you admire in all aspects of their life and leads a healthy lifestyle.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Life Coach

Expert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- Look for qualities such as passion and the ability to inspire, a clear set of values, a commitment to community, selflessness and acceptance of others and the ability to overcome obstacles.
- Your core values are the things you're most passionate about, or things that matter the most to you. Try to find a role model who really aligns with those values.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jennifer Butler, MSW
  Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- Most people have about 4-5 core values.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jennifer Butler, MSW
  Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
Everyone makes mistakes, including those you have chosen as your role models. Your role models are simply there as a guide for you and not someone to imitate exactly. Do not follow them blindly.
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Develop your own style. While it is good to emulate a role model, it is also important to retain your individuality. Do not lose yourself in the attempt to follow the example of your role model. Adopt the characteristics you would like most to improve about yourself while keeping the rest of you as you are.
- Be yourself and feel confident in what you do. Don't copy what others are doing, stand out. If people copy it just proves that they're insecure and not original unlike you!

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Choosing a Celebrity Role Model

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A hero will usually be someone who excels in certain areas of their life. You will learn about this person through the media rather than personal observation.
What are your strengths? What do you do well? These are the characteristics that you want to nourish and hold on to but not necessarily the ones you would want to look for in a role model. Ponder your strengths and develop an image of who you are and who you want to be.
These are the things you do not like or want to change about yourself and are important in determining how you wish to change.
Do you want to live in a certain way? Achieve something in particular? Become a certain kind of person? Make a list of the things you want to achieve, both as a person and in your life.
As you start to consider how you can choose a role model, try to develop faith in yourself as a person. The goal of choosing a role model is to motivate you to become a better person. You must have confidence in yourself and your abilities to become whoever you wish to be.
This can include someone who has raised a lot of money for charity, saved lots of lives, helped people in need or discovered the cure for a disease. Find someone who has good characteristics that you don't have (yet!).
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Remember that only deities are perfect. Don't expect any role model to be perfect; they may make mistakes. For example, you can choose a role model for their achievements without emulating their personal life.
- This is very important when choosing a celebrity role model, especially for kids, because many celebrities may not lead personal lives that you want yourself or your kids to emulate.
If you want to be a famous author, your role model could be someone who has been successful at writing. If you have always wanted to be a nurse, your role model could be someone at your local hospital who is dedicated to their job and someone who you look up to for their achievements.
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Learn about their successes and failures. It is important to learn about both the successes and failures of your role model. Sometimes learning about the failures of your role model can actually encourage and motivate you more than learning about their successes. By learning about their failures you realize that they, like you, are only human and will make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and keep working to improve yourself.
- For example, even famous scientists such as Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein struggled and failed many times in their lives but they kept working hard to achieve and eventually they were successful. By learning about their struggles you can motivate yourself to keep working hard even when nothing seems to be working.^{[8]
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  Research source}
Many celebrities do not live personal lives that should be modeled and emulated. You should make sure to examine how these personal faults affect them and their career. Know that many celebrities can get away with things without many consequences due to their fame and/or money. Recognizing these faults can help you avoid developing bad habits by following your role models.
Everyone makes mistakes, including those you have chosen as your role models. Your role models are simply there as a guide for you and not someone to imitate exactly. Do not follow them blindly.
12
Develop your own style. While it is good to emulate a role model, it is also important to retain your individuality. Do not lose yourself in the attempt to follow the example of your role model. Adopt the characteristics you would like most to improve about yourself while keeping the rest of you as you are.
- Be yourself and feel confident in what you do. Don't copy what others are doing, stand out. If people copy it just proves that they're insecure and not original unlike you!

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Question

My role model is a girl at school who is a great singer, but I feel like she ignores me. What should I do?

Community Answer

Talk to her. Take a risk, since you've got nothing to lose. Flash her a smile and gradually find an excuse to talk to her.

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What do I do if my role model is a teacher whom I had a strong relationship with, but who is no longer one of my teachers?

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Most teachers love to hear from their former students! Get in touch with them and tell them about how you're doing and how you see them as a role model. If you're still in the same school, you can visit them in their classroom before/after school.

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How can I tell if a celebrity is a good or bad role model?

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Celebrities who are good role models will perform selfless acts, contributing their time, money and likenesses toward causes that help others; they will use their fame to promote a positive message. Celebrities who are bad role models are self-centered and egotistical, using their fame merely for self-promotion, living a life of opulence and trying to divide or oppress members of society. Examine what celebrities do, say and how they treat others when not on stage to determine whether celebrities are good or bad role models.

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Tips

Keep in mind that having a role model does not mean you become exactly like that person. Remember to retain your individuality. Emulate them, but put your own individuality into the things they do.

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Emulate him or her until you are a role model yourself; that's how you can know you have mastered the trait.

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True role models are those who possess the qualities that we would like to have. Role models are also those who have affected us in a way that makes us want to be better people. Sometimes, we don't recognize people we are emulating until we have noticed our own personal growth and progress that they have caused.

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Warnings

Make sure to remember that people are imperfect.

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Some poorly chosen role models may take advantage of their position and push you to do things to make you look bad or have a very bad influence on others. Make sure that you don't follow one of these types of role models and never emulate someone without thought.

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