How to Deal With Cheap People

Co-authored by Julia Yacoob, PhD

Last Updated: November 16, 2024 References

There’s a difference between being cheap and being frugal. Many of us budget, look for sales and think before spending our money. This is being frugal. Cheap people will do anything to save money, even if it is at the expense of other people. This can be frustrating whether you’re dealing with coworkers to friends and family. It’s important to deal with these types of people correctly in order to preserve relationships.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Being Understanding and Empathetic

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1
Include this person in the planning. Whether you’re planning an outing, a group trip or going in on a gift for someone, make sure to include this person from the beginning. If they are a part of the planning, they’ll be able to tell you what their budget is and what they are able to contribute.
- For example, let your cheap sibling be the first to know if you’re thinking of doing a group gift for your parents. If they want a less expensive option, they are able to suggest ideas themselves.
2
Be understanding. If you had an expensive gift in mind that you’re set on, realize it may be a priority to you, but not to the other people involved.
- Understand that they may not be willing to contribute as much financially to the gift, but allow them to put in what they can and help in other ways (like organization and communication).
- Understanding lessens feelings of resentment for everyone involved.
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3
Set expectations. Sometimes, people are unaware that they are doing something wrong. Maybe they assumed an invitation out meant an offer to pay as well. Make sure when you plan to hang out with this person that you set clear expectations from the beginning.
- If you're eating out together, ask your server for separate checks at the beginning of the meal.
- If you're going out as a group, let everyone know in advance that the bill will be split equally per person.
- If you're hosting a "bring your own [fill in the blank]" party, let the person know everyone is expected to bring something.
- If they’re prepared upfront, they don’t have an excuse for cheap behavior.
- If expectations have been set, and the behavior continues, you may have to confront the problem directly.
4
Seek out affordable or free things to do. If the cheap person you’re dealing with is a good friend or family member, avoiding them isn't an option. It’s not about what you’re doing, but who you’re doing it with. Plan low or no-cost activities with your cheap friend.^{[1]
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- Take a hike or some other physical activity.
- Watch a movie at home.
- Go to a park.
- Cook together.
- Look up free things to do near your city.
5
Be a generous gifter. If you want to do something with this person that you don’t think they'll be willing to pay for, consider giving it to them as a gift. This gives you the opportunity to enjoy time with your loved one without money becoming an issue.^{[2]
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- Let’s say you’ve always wanted to take a trip with this person, but you know they won’t include it in their budget. Treat them to a short getaway for their birthday. This takes the pressure of money off of both of you.
- It is important that you don’t expect an equivalent gift in return. Your friend can give you a thoughtful gift without spending the same amount of money. Don’t let yourself get too hung up on price tags.
6
Avoid going out with this person. If the cheap person is a colleague or an acquaintance, your best option may be to avoid going out with them altogether. You’ll be a more pleasant co-worker if you’re not carrying resentment.
- Suggest bringing your lunches from home and eat together in the breakroom.
- Tell them you need to save money, and aren't able to go out.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Discussing the Issue

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1
Plan your approach. Confronting people about money related issues can be difficult. Preparing yourself in advance will result in the best outcome.^{[3]
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- Know what you’ll say in advance. This prevents you from going on and on, straying off topic or saying things you don’t mean. It's always important to go into that conversation with an understanding of why this is important for you. For example, how do you feel when interacting with this cheap person? What does it trigger in you?
2
Have a solution prepared. You're not calling out your friend just to make them feel bad. The best way to get a solution, is to suggest one yourself.^{[4]
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- You can try, “We’ll take turns choosing where we go. You can choose the next outing.”
- Reassure them that you don’t have to spend money to have fun together.
3
Visualize an ideal outcome. Go through the conversation in your head. Include how you think they’ll respond. Picture the positive outcome that you hope to get from the confrontation.^{[5]
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- If thinking about confronting this person brings up negative emotions, you may not be ready to confront them yet.
Confrontations, no matter how tactful, don’t always end well. Prepare for a stubborn friend to get angry or remain in denial. Know how you’ll respond if the confrontation takes a bad turn.^{[6]
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Emotional confrontations rarely go well. If you allow yourself to get upset and start lecturing the person, they are likely to respond emotionally simply because of your approach.^{[7]
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When stating your complaint, don’t include your opinions or judgements. It comes off as condescending. ^{[8]
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You don’t want this person to feel like you are insulting their character. Stay focused on the unwanted behavior, not the person.^{[9]
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8
Use “When you, I feel” statements. A helpful technique often used in therapy is “When you [unwanted action], I feel [emotional response]” statements.^{[10]
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- For example, “When you never offer to pay for the check, I feel like you don’t value our friendship.”
- Or, “When you ‘forget your wallet’ every time we hang out, I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.”
9
Reevaluate the relationship. If you’ve approached the problem with maturity and tact and still get bad results, then consider whether this person is a positive addition to your life.^{[11]
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- If you still consider this person a valuable part of your life, then you must learn how to cope with this problem in your life long term.
- If this person brings nothing but negativity and hardship to your life, then end communication with them. You can rest assured that you did your part in trying to resolve the problem.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you stay calm when dealing with difficult people?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

I believe the first thing to do in these situations is to try some breathing exercises or to enjoy some mindfulness meditation to keep yourself calm and centered. Then, try to understand the situation through your point of view. What is triggering you? How are you acting with this person? Is it possible that you're reacting to something that happened in the past and not something that's happening now? Answering these questions might help you in your journey.

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