How to End a Relationship with a Psychopath: 11 Powerful Tips

Co-authored by Tala Johartchi, PsyD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 3, 2024 Fact Checked

Being in a relationship with a psychopath isn’t easy—you might feel scared, lost, or even confused. Deciding to leave them is the first step toward a better life. Figuring out how, exactly, to end the relationship can help you make a clean break and keep yourself safe. Read through this article to learn everything you need to know about ending a relationship with a psychopath with your safety in mind.

1

Recognize that your partner won’t change.

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Waiting for your partner to change could lead to heartbreak. When you’re in a relationship with a psychopath (or someone who doesn’t treat you well), they might make a ton of promises about how they’re going to change their ways for you. Unfortunately, this is very rarely the case. Pay attention to what your partner does now, not what they promise to do in the future, to make it easier to leave them.^{[1]
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- Remember that actions speak louder than words. Your partner can say that they’ll change all day long, but those words don’t mean anything unless they’re actually taking steps to better themselves.

2

Blame your partner, not yourself.

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Feeling guilty might stop you from ending the relationship. Keep in mind that if your partner is a psychopath, they’ve probably manipulated you into believing that all of your relationship problems are your fault. This definitely isn’t the case—your partner’s actions are to blame, not yours.^{[2]
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- The more you can keep this in the forefront of your mind, the better. Let it give you the strength that you need to end the relationship and move on for good.
- If your partner is gaslighting you, they may try to convince you that your perceptions are wrong and you're overreacting. This is just them trying to manipulate you.^{[3]
  X
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  Tala Johartchi, PsyD
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  Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.}

3

Separate your finances from your partner’s.

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Separate accounts will make it much easier for you to make a quick exit. If you and your partner share an account, pull out your share of the money and put it into a separate bank account. Try to do this quickly and quietly so that your partner doesn’t notice, especially if you aren’t quite ready to leave yet.^{[4]
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- If you and your partner own any assets together, like a house, talk to a lawyer about your specific situation.

4

Get a place to stay once you leave.

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Having a plan in place makes it much easier to leave when you’re ready. Call up a trusted friend or family member and ask them if you can crash on their couch for a couple of days. Or, rent a room in a nearby hotel for a few nights. You can use this temporary spot to look for a more permanent one, like an apartment or house for rent.^{[5]
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- If you have children, make sure they can come with you when you leave.
- If you don’t have anywhere to stay, call a local domestic abuse shelter near you.

5

Ask friends and family for support.

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Leaning on your loved ones will make this process much easier. Call up a friend or a relative that you trust and tell them how you’re planning to leave your partner. They may be able to give you advice or even some money to help keep you afloat until you’re settled somewhere.
- If you do talk to friends or family before leaving your partner, make sure you can trust them 100%. If they tell your partner what you’re planning, they could put you in danger.

6

Leave while your partner is out of the house.

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If you’ve been with your partner for a while now, you’ve probably witnessed their manipulation tactics first-hand. To avoid all of that, try to make your exit while your partner is at work or out running errands. Grab everything you absolutely need and leave the rest—your safety is top priority.

7

Break up via text if you can.

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You’ll be much safer if you can break up without being in the same room. Unfortunately, psychopaths don’t react well to being broken up with, especially if you two were in a serious relationship. Don’t worry about your partner getting mad or whether or not it’s respectful—send a short, curt text explaining that the relationship is over.^{[6]
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- “I’m leaving you, and I won’t be coming home. Please don’t contact me again unless it’s through my lawyer.”
- “I’ve taken the kids and I’m staying somewhere else. This relationship is over.”

8

Go no contact with your ex.

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Avoiding your ex will make your breakup much easier. As soon as you’re able to leave your partner, go no contact with them by blocking their number, blocking their social media accounts, and ignoring their attempts to contact you. Psychopaths will try everything they can to manipulate you back into a relationship with them—if you can stop talking to your ex, you can avoid that all together.^{[7]
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- When you ignore a psychopath, it could make them angry. Be prepared for your ex to spread lies about you, contact your friends, or even try to contact your workplace. It’s a good idea to let your loved ones and your boss know about your breakup, just in case your ex reaches out.
- If your ex continually tries to contact you or harasses you, contact the authorities.

9

Call authorities if your partner threatens suicide.

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Threatening self-harm is a common manipulation tactic. If your partner tells you that they’re going to hurt themselves if you leave, don’t let it stop you. There’s a high chance that your partner is lying to get you to stay. If you think that they are a danger to themselves, call the authorities and send them to your partner’s home to check up on them.^{[8]
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- When your partner says they can’t (or won’t) live without you, they’re not showing you love—they’re trying to control you. Take that control back by leaving the relationship and heading out on your own.

10

Talk to a mental health professional if you need to.

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A professional can help you heal from a toxic relationship. Being involved with a psychopath isn’t easy, and you may have some underlying issues to work through even after the relationship is over. Once you’ve found a stable place to live, consider making an appointment with a therapist to talk about what you’ve been through. They can help you process your emotions and provide healthy coping mechanisms for anything you’re struggling with.^{[9]
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- If one-on-one therapy isn’t your thing, consider going to group therapy. You can talk to other people who have been in similar situations as you.

11

Practice self care.

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Self care can help you heal and move on from a breakup. When you’re dealing with all the logistics of leaving your partner, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. Remember to eat healthy meals, do some light exercise, and make time to do something nice for yourself every day.^{[10]
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Research source} You could try:
- Taking a nature walk
- Going hiking
- Soaking in a bubble bath
- Ordering your favorite food

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How can I tell if my partner is gaslighting me?

Tala Johartchi, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Tala Johartchi is a Clinical Psychologist based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. With expertise and advanced training in Evidence-Based Practices and therapeutic/behavioral frameworks, Dr. Johartchi specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families experiencing Substance Disorders, Love Addiction and Codependency, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as common co-occurring disorders such as Depression, Anxiety, and Relational/Attachment difficulties. She earned an MA and PsyD in Clinical Psychology from The American School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.

Tala Johartchi, PsyD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Typically, gaslighting makes you question your own well-being and sanity. When you try to talk about something that happened, the gaslighter will tell you that you're wrong about it. They want you to question your memory and wonder if your reactions are off because you misperceived your reality. However, all of this is just them manipulating you.

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