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This article was co-authored by Nicole Moshfegh, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Dr. Nicole Moshfegh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Author based in Los Angeles, California. Dr. Moshfegh specializes in multicultural competence and treating patients with mood and anxiety disorders and insomnia. She holds a BA in Psychology and Social Behavior from The University of California, Irvine (UCI), and an MA and Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Pepperdine University. Dr. Moshfegh completed her predoctoral internship and postdoctoral fellowship at The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). Additionally, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, National Register of Health Service Psychologists, Los Angeles County Psychological Association, and Collaborative Family Healthcare Association. Dr. Moshfegh is also the best-selling author of "The Book of Sleep: 75 Strategies to Relieve Insomnia".
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It’s heartbreaking to watch someone you know go through a deep loss. You want to say something, but how can you express your sympathy without coming across as insensitive or cliche? There’s no need to worry. With condolences, your goal isn’t to “fix” the person’s problem and make them feel better–instead, your priority is to just offer support and solidarity. We’ve put together a selection of tasteful suggestions to help you express sympathy during a person’s time of need.
Things You Should Know
- You don't need to overthink it; there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm so sorry about what happened," or, "I love you, and you should know I'm here if you need anything."
- So long as you’re empathetic, honest, and genuine, people will appreciate your sympathy.
- It’s perfectly fine to not know exactly what to say and then say so; sometimes there isn’t anything to actually say in the wake of a serious loss.
Steps
Expert Q&A
Tips
Warnings
- Steer clear of comments like “This is part of God’s plan” or “They’re in heaven now.” These statements can seem really insensitive, especially if the person grieving isn’t religious.[16]Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm
- ↑ https://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html
- ↑ https://chatelaine.com/living/what-to-say-to-someone-grieving/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/because-im-the-mom/201305/grief-etiquette-dont-say-anyone-grieving
- ↑ https://familydoctor.org/grieving-facing-illness-death-and-other-losses/
- ↑ https://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html
- ↑ https://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html
- ↑ https://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/ways-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving/
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/14/smarter-living/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-someone-whos-grieving.html
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/14/smarter-living/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-someone-whos-grieving.html
- ↑ https://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/servicesandsupport/grief-how-to-support-the-bereaved
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/ways-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm
About This Article
If you want to express sympathy, try to acknowledge the person’s pain by saying something like, “I can see you’re hurt. Do you want to talk?”. If they do, listen to their perspective and try to understand how they feel. Give them your full attention by putting your phone away, making eye contact, and nodding to show you understand. Refrain from giving them advice or telling them things will be okay, since they probably don't want to hear this. In addition to listening to them, you can also offer your assistance with things like watching their kids or cooking for them. Sometimes helping with simple, every day things can relieve a lot of the stress they're feeling. You can also offer the person a hug or touch their arm, if you think it would be welcome. Another thing you can do is bring them a gift, like flowers or a card, to show that you’re thinking about them. For more tips from our Counselor co-author, including how to continue to express your sympathy as time goes on, read on!
