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This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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So, you’ve come across the term “friendship dynamics.” What does that even mean? Is it something you have or can get? Thankfully, friendship dynamics aren’t as complicated as they sound. They can help you better understand yourself and, if you’re a writer, your characters. Use this complete guide to learn everything there is to know about friendship dynamics, from what they are to TikTok’s latest trend.
Things You Should Know
- A friendship dynamic is how you and a friend interact with one another.
- Friendship dynamics can be even (healthy) or uneven (unhealthy), and knowing which dynamic you have can help you better understand your relationships.
- Those with an even friendship dynamic are most likely true friends and are supportive, honest, and respectful of one another.
Steps
Signs of Uneven Friendship Dynamics
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![Step 1 Emotional dumping]()
Emotional dumping If your friend constantly tells you all their problems without listening or acknowledging yours in return, you may be in a one-sided friendship. Emotional dumping is when someone unconsciously shares their feelings without regarding your emotions. It can make you feel unappreciated, stressed, or used.[3]- Set boundaries with your friend to avoid emotional dumping in the future. For instance, try saying something like, “Now isn’t a good time for me,” or “I understand you’re hurt, but I’m just not in the right headspace to listen at the moment.”
- Know that emotional dumping isn’t the same as venting, which is a mutual and helpful exchange of emotions between 2 people with active listening and supportive responses.
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![Step 2 One-sided conversations]()
One-sided conversations A tell-tale sign of an uneven friendship dynamic is never being able to discuss yourself with your friend. Sure, it’s great to hear about their life, but you have things to say too! If they only talk about themselves and their problems, the relationship’s most likely imbalanced.- Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell your friend exactly how you feel. Try not to overthink it. Say something like, “Hey, I feel like I’m not being heard lately. I love talking about you, but I’d like to tell you what’s happening in my life.” After all, if they’re a true friend, they’ll honor your request.
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![Step 3 Resentment]()
Resentment If you leave your friend feeling irritated or dissatisfied, it may be because the relationship is one-sided. This is often the case if you give a lot of emotional energy to the friendship but don’t feel the same in return. Overgiving puts you out, and an even friendship dynamic would help refuel your energy.- Take a moment to evaluate why you feel dissatisfied in the relationship. What do you want more of? What do you need to feel supported by your friend?
- Then, address your wants and needs with them. Let them know that you feel emotionally drained and share what they can do to help.
- If resentment continues to build or things become passive-aggressive, it may be time to end the friendship.[4]
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![Step 4 Feeling guilty or unsupported]()
Feeling guilty or unsupported Chatting with a friend should help you feel supported and loved, not guilty. This can often lead you to over-apologize in an effort not to upset them. The relationship may not be healthy if you regularly feel small or at fault while talking to a friend.- Take a moment to ask yourself these questions:[5]
- Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
- Am I myself around this person?
- Do I feel secure and comfortable when I’m with them?
- Are they supportive, and am I respected?
- Is this a person I can trust?
- Is this a relationship that’s helping me?
- Are you giving as much as you’re receiving?
- If you answered “no” to more than 1 of these questions, it may be time to reevaluate the friendship.
- Take a moment to ask yourself these questions:[5]
Expert Q&A
Tips
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about friendship, check out our in-depth interview with Adam Dorsay, PsyD.
References
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8128148/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202111/the-7-types-friends-and-which-is-most-essential-our-happiness
- ↑ https://foundcare.org/blog/emotional-dumping-vs-healthy-venting
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/202301/3-signs-that-you-held-onto-a-friendship-for-too-long
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://www.glam.com/1288208/viral-7-friends-theory-proves-need-army-acquaintances/
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