This article was reviewed by Seth Hall and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.
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Want to make your friends laugh out loud with a text? Texting is a quick and easy way to connect with people, perfect for sending clever quips to brighten their day. All you need to do is find a few jokes that translate well on a phone screen! If you need a little inspiration, look no further. We’ve put together a handy list of jokes, puns, and witty one-liners you can send over text.
Steps
Funny Text Jokes
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What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships!
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2What do a tick and the Eiffel tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.[1]Advertisement
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3What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
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4When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent.[2]
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What did summer say to spring? I’m going to fall!
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6What did one snowman say to another? Wait, do you smell carrots?
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7What did the hungry clock do? It went back 4 seconds.
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8What’s the tallest building in the world? A library, of course. It has so many stories!
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9Don’t take life too seriously. Remember, you will never get out of it alive!
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I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila!
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11I know they say that money talks… ...But all mine says is “Goodbye!”
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12I used to have a handle on life… ...But then it broke.
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13I tried to catch fog the other day. But I mist.
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14Let’s start telling people their brain is an app. Maybe then they’ll want to use it!
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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s literally impossible to put down!
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16What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Thesaurus.[3]
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17Why can’t you trust a burrito? They tend to spill the beans.
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18What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer!
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19I threw a boomerang a few years ago… ...And now I live in constant fear.
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What did one hat say to another? You wait here; I’ll go on ahead.
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21I get enough exercise just pushing my luck![4]
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22Blunt pencils are really pointless.
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236:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.[5]
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24Just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.[6]
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You and I will be friends forever! Because at this point, you know too much.
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26Thanks for being my best friend. And for always going along with my worst ideas, of course!
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27This may be cheesy… ...But you’re legen-dairy!
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28What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
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29There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
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What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton? A belly button!
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31I know someone who does a great impression of an owl…
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32I’m a nobody and nobody is perfect… ...Therefore, I must be perfect!
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33Knock knock. Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin who? Muffin in this world can stop us!
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34Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!
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Knock knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, fine…W-H-O.
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36Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.
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37Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
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38On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9… ...And I’m the 1 you need!
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39Roses are red, the world is a mess… ...And worst of all, you’re not answering my texts.
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Do you know what my favorite thing in the world is? The second word of this text!
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41We’ll we’ll we’ll… If it isn’t autocorrect.
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42Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
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43What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
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44The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
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The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It got a little tense.
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.countryliving.com/life/a27452412/best-dad-jokes/
- ↑ https://www.anonymoustext.com/blog/best-text-jokes/
- ↑ https://www.anonymoustext.com/blog/best-text-jokes/
- ↑ https://www.anonymoustext.com/blog/best-text-jokes/
- ↑ https://www.anonymoustext.com/blog/best-text-jokes/
- ↑ https://parade.com/1040121/marynliles/one-liners/
About This Article
Reader Success Stories
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"I love puns and obvious humour. For me they are actually the highest form of wit."