How to Get Your Parents to Calm Down when You Get a Bad Grade

Co-authored by Chandler Chang, PhD

Last Updated: March 19, 2024 References

If you got a bad grade on a test, quiz, or report card, your parents may be upset with you. It can be stressful to deal with your parents' anger, but remain calm and talk things out. If you promise to do better, and offer ways to bring your grades up, you should be able to successfully calm down your parents.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Discussing Your Grades

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1
Start the conversation in a mature fashion. When the conversation about your grades starts, be calm, mature, and upfront. Your parents may calm down more easily if you're not being hostile going into the conversation. Even if your parents seem angry, try to keep your cool.^{[1]
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- Start off with something like, "I know you guys aren't happy with my report card and I wanted to talk to you about bringing my grades up."
- If your parents ask you questions in anger (i.e., "Do you have any idea how much we sacrifice for you to get an education?") respond in a calm fashion on your end (i.e., "I know you guys want me to do well and I'm sorry I let you down.")
2
Give your parents a heads up, if possible. It's always a good idea to avoid suddenly springing the issue of bad grades on your parents. If they're surprised or caught off guard, they may become angrier when they see your grades. If you know you're going to receive a bad grade, let your parents know before they see the report card, test, or assignment.^{[2]
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- A day or two before the grade arrives, try saying something like, "I don't think I did very well this semester in chemistry and my grade might be low."
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3
Plan ahead. Decide what you want to say – and how you want to say it – before starting the conversation. Talks like this usually go smoother if you think carefully before you open your mouth. You can even take some notes or jot down key points on a piece of paper.^{[3]
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- Thinking about the talk and how to explain your bad grade will help you calm your nerves. Not only that, it should let you organize your thoughts, leading to a more productive and successful discussion.
4
Remain calm yourself. Your parents may be angry or frustrated with a bad grade. If they get angry or upset, try to remain calm on your end. Arguing back or doing things like crying and yelling will only escalate the situation. Take a deep breath and try to respond calmly to any anger you receive.^{[4]
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- It can help to pause and take deep breaths during the conversation. If things get heated, ask your parents if you can take a break for a second to regroup.
- It’s OK to express discomfort to your parents or to ask for help with school. In fact, your parents will probably be more open and willing to help you if you are honest about how you feel. You can then work together to improve.
Parents often get angrier if they feel you're making excuses or simply not trying. Avoid saying things like, "It wasn't my fault." Even if there were extenuating circumstances regarding your bad grades, your parents may not be receptive to hearing them when they're angry.^{[5]
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Admit to your mistakes. Let your parents know you understand you made a mistake. If they see you're sincerely trying to own up to your mistakes, their anger will fade. Admit to any reasons your grades may have fallen.
- For example, say, "I know I was on my phone too much this semester and I shouldn't have brought it into class. That's probably why my grades aren't great."
Your parents will only get angrier if you interrupt them while they talk. No one likes being lectured, but it's important to let your parents' get their word in. As they talk, try to sincerely consider their perspective. Be willing to willing to listen to their response with an open mind and not be defensive. You parents want you to do well, and it's understandable poor grades may upset them.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Plans for Improvement

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Before you've even talked things over with your parents, start making changes to show you're sincere. Talk to your teacher about your grades, form a study plan, or get information about tutors at your school. Your parents are less likely to stay mad if you prove that you're serious about doing better.
Your parents will be less angry if they see you're accepted that things need to change. After listening to their side and discussing the reasons for your grades, promise to do better. Say something like, "I know you're mad, but I'm going to try to bring my grades up."^{[7]
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Brainstorm ideas for improvement. Your parents want to hear more than a vague promise you'll do better. After letting them know you want to try harder, give them some concrete details. Together, you can talk about why your grades were low and how you can work to improve them.^{[8]
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- Try sitting down with your parents to outline goals for improvement, too. Set benchmarks together and ask your parents for help in meeting these – including your parents will make them a part of the process and keep you accountable.
- For example, say your grades were down because you were spending more time talking to friends online than studying. Offer to cut back on your computer time or stay off the internet until you've completed your homework.
4
Let your parents know how they can help. Your parents are invested in helping you. Their anger will be diffused if you let them know more productive ways to deal with your grades. Instead of getting angry, this is an opportunity for them to figure out where you may need help.^{[9]
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- For example, say something like, "I'm trying really hard in chemistry, but I'm really struggling to understand it. Can we look into a private tutor to help?"
Taking responsibility is a great way to calm down your parents. Do not wait for them to offer a punishment. Instead, offer a productive punishment that will help you bring your grades up. For example, "How about you guys take my phone away every day until I'm done with school and homework?"^{[10]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Moving Forward Afterwards

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Once your parents have decided how to proceed, do not argue. Arguing or complaining about your parents' plans will only make them angry. Even if you feel frustrated by new rules, accept them with maturity to avoid making your parents angrier.^{[11]
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To keep your own emotions in check, remember why your parents are angry. Grades are important for your future. They can help you get into a good college and eventually get a good job. It can be stressful to deal with your parents' anger, but they want what's best for you.
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Work on bringing your grades up. Immediately start trying harder to bring your grades up. This will prevent your parents from becoming angry in the future.^{[12]
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- Pay attention during class by taking notes, avoiding electronics, and not sitting near friends.
- Ask questions if anything confuses you and schedule a private meeting with your teacher.
- Avoid procrastinating on your homework and study for tests and quizzes well in advance.
Keep talking to your parents about school, even when things are going well. Let them know how you did on a quiz, any subjects you're struggling with, and other details of your academic life. Open communication helps your parents know when you may need help. This can prevent bad grades in the future.^{[13]
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Expert Q&A

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Question

What do you say to your mom when you get a bad grade?

Chandler Chang, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Chandler Chang is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, the Founder & Owner of Golden Hour Therapy and Therapy Lab, and a Clinical Instructor at the University of Southern California. With nearly 20 years of experience, she specializes in providing evidence-based, science-backed treatments to toddlers, children, teens, families, and adults to target specific mental health problems or cultivate mental wellness. Dr. Chang earned a BA from Princeton University and a PhD in Psychology from The University of Georgia. She completed UCLA's pre-doctoral internship and trained at NYU’s Child Study Center and UGA Regents Center for Learning Disorders.

Chandler Chang, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Apologizing is always a great starting point. Everybody makes mistakes, and being willing to own those mistakes is just great for any relationship. Then, sit with your parents and try to come up with a better plan to improve your grades. Do your best to follow-through and to not see any changes as "punishments".

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Question

What do you do when your parents get mad at you for getting bad grades and you tell them to lower their voices. If they don't calm down, what do you do?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

Your best bet in these situations is to ride out the storm. The more reactive you become to your parents' anger and frustration, the more they are going to react with yelling. Let them burn off steam while you wait patiently. Let them feel and know that you hear them. Then, when you see that their anger has diminished, talk about how you feel in a calm and respectful manner. Offer solutions to the problem and coordinate a plan of action that you both agree to.

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Question

How do you get your parents to forgive you after turning in late assignments? My parents take away everything from me and I feel there's no point in living when you are shattered.

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

Your parents will forgive you in time. Their anger over grades will not last forever. Use the time you have now in being grounded to study and do your homework. Do your best to complete your work in a timely way and turn it in on time. If you continue to feel that life is not worth living, I suggest you seek help from a medical or mental health professional, as you could be experiencing more severe symptoms of depression or other mental health issues.

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