How to Handle an Egotistical Friend

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 17, 2022 References

Friends can be the greatest—except when they’re not. Being around an egotistical friend can make you feel like you can walk on water, but they may also come with drawbacks. For instance, they may go on and on about how great they are, make condescending and critical remarks, and offer no real emotional support to you as a friend. You can learn to manage this friendship by setting healthy boundaries for yourself, being empathetic towards the egotist and making sure you are supporting your emotional health.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Setting Appropriate Boundaries

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1
Be assertive, not a doormat. A common theme for those who befriend egotists is being unable to stand up for themselves. But, if you want to maintain this friendship, you will have to stop letting your self-centered friend walk all over you. Learn to be clear and brief when you state your needs.^{[1]
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- When your friend asks your advice, actually give your opinion.
- Practice saying “no.” If you don’t agree with something or don’t want to do something, say so. "No" is a complete sentence. This means you do not owe your friend an explanation for the “no.”
- Don’t feel guilty. Everyone has the right to speak up for themselves.
2
Call them out when they’re rude. If you’re friends with an egotist, you are probably no stranger to being the butt of mean, sarcastic jokes. Your friend may laugh it off like they’re just teasing, but these comments are rude. One way to set boundaries is to speak out when your friend does this and let them know you refuse to be treated this way.^{[2]
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- You might say, “Hey, that’s not cool, Frankie. I’m going to leave if you don’t stop.”
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Don’t feed into their arrogance. Egotists really like being the center of attention. However, just because others in your social group eat up their every word doesn’t mean you have to. Stop giving them special treatment. Instead, treat them the same way you treat all your other friends.^{[3]
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- Let’s say someone asks what you’re doing for the summer and the egotist interrupts and starts telling about their summer plans. Politely say, “Actually, Donna, I think Judy was asking me that question.” Then, go ahead with your answer.
4
Limit the amount you compliment them. Egotists like to make everything about themselves. The more you compliment them and point out their positive traits, the more you enable their high opinion of themselves. Dish out compliments when appropriate, but don’t feed into their need for more.
- If they fish for compliments, don't bite.
5
Limit the time you spend with them. People who are self-conceited are often described as “energy vampires” because it drains you to be around them. If this characterizes your friendship with this person, start getting some distance.^{[4]
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- For example, if you’re having a tough day and don’t have the energy to deal with them, back out of your plans.
- It may seem rude, but you need to do what’s best for your emotional health and your sanity.
- It may be beneficial for your friendship to revolve around a hobby or an activity. This will help you limit the time you spend with them by keeping your relationship focused on the activity.
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Make sure your expectations are realistic. If you want to continue being friends with this self-centered person, you may have to lower the bar. Take advantage of the feel-good vibes you often get from hanging out with this person, but know your limits. Don’t expect the egotist to ever support you emotionally or show any concern for your needs.
- Also, limit what you confide in this person. Unlike non-egotistical friends, they may not understand the importance of a secret, which means they just might share it with others or throw it back in your face later.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing Compassion

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Look deeper. A person with a big ego may surround themselves with admirers and put down others only because doing so makes them feel good. Take a closer look at your egotistical friend. Their attitude may get under your skin, but could there be more underneath the surface?^{[6]
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- For instance, many arrogant people lack self-esteem deep down. They may play the role of being super-confident, when they really aren’t.
2
Have empathy. Even if they may never admit it aloud, there’s a reason this person acts the way they do. Exercise your friendship skills by showing them love and compassion. This doesn’t mean feeding their ego. It just means treating them like a worthy human being.
- Tell them you appreciate their friendship or value a specific trait they have. You never know, you may be the only one who has said this to them.^{[7]
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Being friends with an egotist requires a great deal of patience. Even when you show this person empathy, they may still behave the same as they always have. Continue to have compassion for this person and realize that their behavior is an act of self-protection. It’s nothing against you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Good Emotional Health

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Make friends who can meet your emotional needs. Egotists have a hard time listening to others or caring for others’ emotions. This can put you on the short end of the stick a lot, especially when all they do is talk. Balance out time spent with this person by developing relationships with others who are able to truly be there for you.^{[8]
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- For example, you'll want to choose friends who are good listeners, who are able to put your needs first sometimes, and who don't compete with you for attention.
2
Practice self-care. Being friends with an egotistical person often means you are usually pouring your emotional energy into someone else. They may rarely, if ever, pour back into you. Take care of your own emotional health, particularly when you have been drained by your self-centered friend.
- Be sure to do kind things for yourself like sipping a warm cup of tea before bed, doing yoga, or calling your mom to chat. Pour back into your own cup as often as you can.^{[9]
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Work on your self-esteem. If you intend to stay friends with an egotist, you need some strong armor in place. That means you can’t allow this person’s look-at-me attitude to make you feel less than you are. It can be hard to be around someone who is conceited and not feel your own confidence take a nosedive. So, purposefully take strides to boost your self-esteem.^{[10]
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- Make a list of all your strengths and keep it with you. Recite it regularly.
- Try out new things, such as interesting hobbies or sports. You’ll feel better about yourself when you take on new challenges.
4
Question if you want to maintain the friendship. If being friends with a self-centered person is bringing you down, know that you have options. You aren’t required to keep this person around. In fact, you have a duty to make sure you surround yourself with positive people who love and care for you. If this person isn’t meeting those criteria, consider whether they’re worth keeping around.^{[11]
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- Ask yourself whether you really want to keep being friends with this person. If not, make the hard choice to separate yourself from them.
- You might say, "I'm sorry, Tori, but I don't think we should continue being friends. I don't feel valued and truly seen by you."