The Best Ways to Deal with a Friend Who Brags

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW

Last Updated: December 19, 2024 References

Is your friend constantly bragging about their life, money, and accomplishments? We get it! It can get pretty annoying at times, and even though you love your friend, it can be hard dealing with the one-upping 24/7. But be assured that your friend most likely isn't bragging to look better than you; they just might be insecure. Altering your behavior and talking to them positively can make a big difference and help your friendship be that much stronger.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Controlling Your Actions

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1
Change the subject. Sometimes redirecting the conversation can curb bragging behavior. If your friend starts bragging, change the subject to something you both find interesting. Maybe you could talk about a class you're both in or a book you both love. You could even compliment a mutual friend and encourage the bragging friend to praise others.
- If your friend continually turns the conversation back to themselves, politely tell them you don't want to talk about that right now. You don't have to tell them why.
- You might say, "Very cool, Jacob! Hey, have you seen the trailer for that new superhero movie yet? It looks pretty awesome. What kinds of movies do you like?"
2
Avoid competing with them. If your friend is always one-upping you, you may feel the urge to brag back. This will only worsen the problem: your friend will want to best you and you will feel even more angry. When you feel the urge, hold your tongue. Stooping to their level will not help.
- Never lie about your accomplishments in an attempt to best them. Even if they don't find out, you will likely feel bad for lying.^{[1]
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3
Set an example for your friend. If you notice yourself bragging, correct yourself out loud and avoid bragging in the future. Apologize to your friend and say something like, "I didn't realize I had been bragging. I'll try not to do that in the future. I know it makes people feel bad."^{[2]
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- Even if your friend knows they have a problem, they might feel too embarrassed to change their behavior. Knowing that other people struggle with it, too, can push them towards improvement.
- Do not brag on purpose just to self-correct yourself. This is passive-aggressive. Your friend may not necessarily pick up on the hint, but they may pick up on your anger. Instead, become self-aware of your bragging habits.
4
Don't insult your friend. People often don't realize how their bragging hurts others. Your friend might not mean to hurt your feelings. Treat them kindly and with respect. Ganging up against them will not solve the problem.
- If your friend only brags on occasion, try your best to just be understanding. Everyone wants to brag from time to time. We all want to share our accomplishments and our life's high points with friends and family.
- If your friend is emphasizing the point that they have achieved or received something that you clearly cannot have or do, that is not okay. In that case, have an appropriate conversation to tell your friend how you feel.
5
Change the way you compliment them. How you praise them can either reinforce or curb their bragging behavior. Complement their actions rather than them. Saying, "You're so amazing!" may give them an incentive for bragging in the future. Instead, say, "You did a good job!" It emphasizes the action, not them, and encourages them to work hard.^{[3]
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- If your friend is fishing for praise, you do not have to compliment them. Treat them kindly, but put attention on something else besides their actions.
- You might say, for example, "I appreciate how much effort you put into the group project, Becca. We couldn't have done it without your persistence."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Talking it Out

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Tell them you love them for themselves. Some people brag because they feel insecure and feel that others will only love them if they are amazing.^{[4]
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Research source} Tell your friends that you care about them no matter what. Explain that you are not the kind of person to judge someone for their successes or possessions and that what matters to you is their heart.
- Make an effort to tell your friends how much you care, and compliment them on little things. You could tell your friend, for example, "Dakota, I really loved spending time with you today. You're great to talk with."
- Once they know that you are not impressed by their bragging, they may feel uncomfortable bragging around you in the future.
2
Foster a safe atmosphere when you talk to them. Often, people who brag are less self-confident than they appear. Your friends might brag because they feel insecure around you. Build a safe space in your conversations where you and your friend can express themselves authentically.
- Creating this safe space depends on your attitude. If you approach them compassionately, this will show and your friend will feel comfortable. If you feel angry around them, they will sense this, too, and become more nervous.
3
Approach your friend about their bragging. If nothing else works, talk to them about how their behavior hurts. Tell them that you feel alienated when they one-up you or that you feel like they don't care about you. Ask them if they could be more conscious of their behavior.
- Avoid seeming confrontational. Instead of blaming them (e.g.: "You brag too much!"), emphasize your feelings (e.g.: "I feel hurt when you one-up what I say.")^{[5]
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4
Speak clearly about your concern. While you might feel tempted to vaguely mention how much you hate bragging, your friend might not take the hint.
- Say something like, "Hey, Henry, can we talk? I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I felt hurt when you started talking about your dog after I told you my dog just died. It made me feel like you weren't paying attention to me. I feel like I listen to you when we talk. Can you please listen to me?"
- Another approach is to start a conversation with your friend about how they feel when they are around others who are bragging. For example, say, “How did you feel the other day when all Jack could talk about the other night was his new red car.” If your friend says, “frustrated,” or “annoyed,” talk to them about how you have had similar experiences with them and provide examples.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Stepping Away

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Ask yourself if the relationship is healthy. If nothing else works, you may consider limiting or ending your friendship. Letting go of a friendship is a serious decision. Think carefully about your friendship and whether it is worth holding onto, or if you need time away from them.^{[6]
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- You and your friend might just be going through a rough patch. Has your friend always been the one-upping type? If not, they might be struggling in their personal life. Postpone ending the friendship until you know what's going on.
- Face the tough questions. How do you feel when you're around them? Does this person bring out your best or your worst? Do you care about them, and do they care about you?
2
Give yourself space. If you don't want to be friends anymore, temporarily separate yourself from them. Think about how you feel. Do you feel better or worse? Do you miss them? How do you want to proceed?
- Let your friend know. Tell them the purpose and duration of your break, and answer any questions they have. If you ignore them for seemingly no reason, they may feel confused.
- Say something like, "Kelsie, I appreciate our friendship but think we might need some space. I need time to cool down and think about our friendship. Could we take a break from each other for a few days? If you have questions, I'd be happy to answer them."
3
End the friendship, if needed. After your break, return to the decision with a clear head. If you felt happier during your separation, ending the friendship might be best.
- Don't ignore the person. You don't have to engage with them, but they still deserve basic respect.^{[7]
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- Tell them your decision. If you avoid them for seemingly no reason, they may feel hurt. Keep their feelings in mind, and avoid insulting them.
- You might say, "Robin, I've appreciated your friendship but think it might be best if we spend less time together. When you brag, I feel like you don't care about me. I know we talked about this in the past, but I don't think either of us changed after we talked. You are a great person, but I think we might not work well together. I think it would be a good idea if we spent less time around each other. Is that alright?"
4
Move on. When you've been hurt by a friend, painful feelings might linger. You may feel anger, grief, or a deep sense of loss. In the case of painful relationships, distance is the best medicine. Do whatever you must to move on.^{[8]
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Research source} Block their number and avoid spending time around them.
- If your old friend persistently contacts you, do not respond more than necessary. Be polite, but avoid falling into old habits.
- Do not react if they insult you in person or through social media. Instead, let a close friend know, and tell a trusted adult if you are underage. They can help you deal with the situation.
- Your friend might realize how their behavior affects others and apologize later. It's up to you whether you want to rekindle the relationship: don't let them pressure you into it if you're not ready.

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Question

I have a friend who constantly says "When I dated so and so..." yet I have only seen her in one relationship. I think she's full of herself. How do I handle this?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

If it bothers you when your friend says this, then casually change the subject to a different topic. If she does not get the hint, then you should tell her, respectfully, exactly how it makes you feel.

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Question

I have a friend whose bragging annoys me BIG time. How can I change this?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

It is suggested that you follow the helpful outlines that are in this article to help you cope with the bragging friend. Remember, it is NOT our responsibility to change people. But if something is bothering you, it IS okay to respectfully let them know. If you feel that despite your efforts of informing them of your concerns, they still are not holding back on the bragging, then perhaps you need to hold back on being with your friend for awhile.

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Tips

Remember that you can only measure your self-worth. Other people's actions or words say nothing about your potential, nor do they need to lower your self-esteem. Keep their bragging in perspective.

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Don't gang up on your friends or turn other people against them. You don't have to get along with everyone, but each person is deserving of respect. Bullying your bragging friend will not help.

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Stay calm. Your friend might make you feel angry, but lashing out at them will not change them. Remove yourself from the situation if you can't control your anger.

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Sometimes it's good to be straight up and honest. If their bragging is getting to be too much, simply tell them, in a kind manner, "Ok that sounds awesome but I would really appreciate it if you could change the subject."
Just say, "You told me like 15 times already!" (in a joking manner) if they keep bringing it up. Maybe then they will understand without becoming mad at you.
Remember not to let all of this bragging get you down! You may envy them, but for all you know, they could be bragging because they envy you!

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Warnings

Avoid playing their games. If you brag back at them, both of your behaviors will become a vicious cycle. You could ruin the friendship without meaning to. Find healthier ways to cope.

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Sometimes the best thing you can do is end the friendship. Don't blame yourself. If your bragging friend exhibits toxic behavior, you deserve to have space. Keep them at a distance for your emotional health, if necessary.

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Don't be mean to your friend, even if you decide to go separate ways. People brag for different reasons, and your friend might struggle with insecurities. Act compassionately towards them, just as you would anyone else.

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