PDF download Download Article PDF download Download Article

Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Your friends can offer a great sense of comfort and support, especially when you’re feeling down. Knowing exactly how to comfort your friend and what to say isn’t always easy, and you might be feeling a little tongue-tied. Fortunately, it's possible to comfort a friend and help them feel better without things being awkward or uncomfortable. Keep reading to learn all kinds of different ways you can comfort a friend when they're feeling down.

How to Comfort Someone

  1. Find out the problem and ask your friend how they’re feeling.
  2. Listen to them and validate their feelings.
  3. Show them you care about them and offer them support.
  4. Tell them about times you’ve gone through similar situations.
  5. Ask them how you can help.
  6. Regularly check in on them.
1

Find out what the problem is.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It’s not always easy to figure out why your friend is upset, so it’s best to just ask them what’s wrong. If your friend is hesitant to tell you, let them know that you aren’t going to judge, and that you’ll be here to help them no matter what.[1]
    • Try something like, “Hey, what’s going on? I can tell you’re upset. I promise I won’t judge you; I just want to know how I can help.”
  2. Advertisement
5

Express your concern for them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Let your friend know that you’re sorry about their situation. Hearing someone’s concern might make your friend feel better, and it will show that you want the best for them. Even a simple, “I’m sorry that you’re going through this,” can really bring them a sense of peace.[5]
    • You could also try, “This sounds really hard—I’m sorry.”
  2. Advertisement
6

Give an example of your own tough time.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Try bringing up a tough time that you went through recently, and share just how hard it was for you. You don’t want to spend a ton of time on your own story (since that can make it seem like you aren’t listening to your friend), but bringing it up briefly can be comforting.[6]
    • You might say, “I understand how you’re feeling. When I broke up with my girlfriend, I was so sad that I barely got out of bed for a week.”
7

Ask your friend what you can do.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Maybe they want you to take care of a few chores around the house for them, or maybe they just need you to sit in silence with them. Check in with your friend before you do anything to make sure that you’re doing the right thing.[7]
    • You can ask by simply saying, “Is there anything I can do?” or, “What would make you feel better right now?”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1456 wikiHow readers, and 62% of them agreed that the best way to comfort your friend when they confide in you about personal issues is to show empathy and offer support. [Take Poll]
  2. Advertisement
10

Offer practical help.

PDF download Download Article
15

Encourage your friend to seek help.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you’ve comforted them as much as you can but they’re still going through a tough time, tell them to talk to a counselor or therapist. A professional can help them utilize coping skills and come up with specific advice for their situation.[15]
    • You can gently suggest this by saying something like, “Hey, I noticed you still seem pretty down. Have you ever considered counseling? I’ve done it before, and it really helped me when I was going through a tough time.”
  2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How can I convince my friend to go to therapy?
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    I don't think this is a realistic goal in a lot of cases. If you've been to therapy before and it has helped you out, sharing that experience may get them to see the potential benefit. But just pushing someone to go get help if they aren't ready for help isn't going to be a productive exercise.
  • Question
    How can I tell if my friendship is toxic? They only ever lean on me for comfort.
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    How do you feel when you're around them? Do you get a sense that they love and appreciate you, or do you get the vibe that they're kind of just using you to feel better? In a lot of cases, the way they make you feel is all you really need to know.
  • Question
    My friend is a guy and I like him. What should I do if I want to tell him that it's OK, but I'm nervous and don't really know what to say?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    First, review the article, "Comfort Your Friend." There are a lot of good ideas in it for how to be there for someone in pain or upset. The rules aren't different for a guy friend! Just be there; encourage him to talk; accept what he has to say; and reflect back some of what you are hearing. Now, if you like him at the same time, keep in mind that when he is upset or hurt is not the time to share your feelings for him. Save that for a later time when he is feeling better. Give him the space now that he needs. Best of luck!
See more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement

Reader Videos

Tips

  • If someone is really really upset, it can be a good idea to let them calm down a little before trying to comfort them.

Tips from our Readers

  • When you’re trying to encourage someone who’s going through a tough time, it’s sometimes better to say something like “You’ll get through this” than “It’s okay.”
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement

Video

You Might Also Like

Be a Good FriendWhat It Means to Be a Good Friend & How to Be a Better One
Live After the Death of a SpouseLive After the Death of a Spouse
Be Down to EarthBe Down to Earth
Help Someone Who You Think Is Cutting ThemselvesHelp Someone Who You Think Is Cutting Themselves
Comfort Someone Who Is SadComfort Someone Who Is Sad
Comfort a Girl on Her Period over TextComfort a Girl on Her Period over Text
Comfort a Friend After a Breakup Through Text Comfort a Friend after a Breakup: 13 Texts to Send
Girl Code RulesWhat Are the Rules of Girl Code? And Why Are They Important?
Bro Code Rules Follow the Bro Code
Make Someone Feel Better Via Text MessageMake Someone Feel Better Via Text Message
What to Say when Someone's Dog Dies10 Comforting Things to Say (or Text) to a Friend When Their Dog Dies
Ask Someone if They're OkayAsk Someone if They're Okay
Reassure SomeoneReassure Someone
Help a Friend Cope With RejectionHelp a Friend Cope With Rejection
Advertisement

About This Article

Tracy Carver, PhD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Tracy Carver, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News). This article has been viewed 619,455 times.
60 votes - 85%
Co-authors: 53
Updated: September 12, 2024
Views: 619,455
Article SummaryX

To comfort your friend, listen intently to what they have to say and let them vent. Keep your advice to yourself unless your friend asks for it so they don't feel like you're brushing their feelings aside. Instead, just let your friend know that you're there for them and that their feelings are justified. Offer to help in whatever way you can so that your friend knows you're there if they need you. To learn what things you should avoid saying when you're comforting your friend, scroll down.

Did this summary help you?

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 619,455 times.

Reader Success Stories

  • Emily Flores

    Emily Flores

    Mar 23, 2019

    "It gave me advice on how I should help get my friend over being mad; she's been angry for almost a week. I..." more
Share your story

Did this article help you?

Advertisement