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Differentiate between confident and submissive body language
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Can something as innocuous as putting your hands in your pockets convey something about your confidence or headspace? Believe it or not, it can! Stuffing your hands in your pockets is one of the classic body language signs that someone is nervous or unsure of themselves. However, there are fringe cases where another explanation is more likely. We’ll break down what this gesture means and what you can do to appear more confident and powerful with your own body language.

Things You Should Know

  • Hiding your hands in your pockets makes it seem like you’re anxious, scared, or unconfident.
  • People may also stuff their hands in their pockets if they’re cold or fidgeting with their keys.
  • Try putting your hands on your hips or crossing your arms if you want a gesture that conveys more confidence.
Section 1 of 3:

What it Means if Someone Has Their Hands in Their Pockets

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  1. Stuffing your hands in your pockets conveys meekness, timidness, or anxiety. Someone might do this if they’re actively lying, or if they’re in a situation where they’re overwhelmed, like a job interview or argument. If you want to express strength and confidence, keep your hands out of your pockets.
    • People naturally hide their hands when they’re defensive and want to protect themselves. They also hide their hands if they’re trying to shy away from being seen or called out.
  2. Is it a little frigid out? If so, someone might put their hands in their pockets to keep themselves warm. When you’re cold, your body naturally slows down the blood flow to your hands in order to keep your organs safe, so people naturally try to warm their hands up once the cold becomes noticeable.[1]
    • This is why people will rub their hands together in the cold and blow warm air on them. If you can get your hands warm, your body will increase blood flow.[2]
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  3. If it’s obvious that someone with their hands in their pockets is messing around with something they’re carrying, it’s possible that they’re just subconsciously keeping their hands busy. This kind of mindless movement doesn’t mean much of anything, although it could be a sign that they’re bored, trying to stay awake, or trying to comfort themselves.[3]
    • People fidget for all kinds of reasons, but the odds are very high that this kind of hands-in-pocket behavior doesn’t mean a whole lot.
  4. 4
    If they’re leaning against a wall, they’re trying to look cool. There’s an old archetype of the mysterious guy or gal leaning up against the wall with their hands in their pockets just being all…broody. Some people will try to emulate this by sticking a hand or two into their pockets.
  5. 5
    They might just like doing it because they feel comfortable with it
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[4]

  1. 1
    • This is especially likely to be the case if they’re sticking their thumbs out of the top of their pockets. It’s definitely the case if they’re also cool taking drags on a cigarette while leaning against a street pole.
  2. In some cultures, putting your hands in your pocket while talking to someone is seen as disrespectful or confrontational. Little children often do this when they’re trying to taunt people while showcasing confidence at the same time.[5]
    • It’s believed that this ties into the same origin as shaking hands. Historically, the handshake was a way of presenting your hand to show that you weren’t holding a weapon. Keeping your hands in your pockets is the opposite of that![6]
  3. There’s nothing more unfair in this world than the pocket discrimination women face. Well, okay, there are a lot of more important inequalities in the world, but it’s true that women’s pants rarely get pockets! If you notice a girl stuffing her hands in her pockets or playing with them, she’s probably just enjoying the fact she gets pockets for once.[7]
    • Of course, she could also be nervous, bored, or fidgety, but putting her hands in her pockets won’t be a natural reaction for most women the way it will be for men who always have access to pockets.
    • Pockets are rare enough in women’s fashion that there’s even a TikTok trend dedicated to celebrating them.
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Section 2 of 3:

Using Body Language to Display Confidence

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  1. For most people, putting your hands in your pockets comfortably requires a little bit of slouching. Standing up straight will make you a lot less naturally inclined to put your hands in your pockets, and you’ll look much more sure of yourself.[8]
    • What this conveys: Standing up straight communicates confidence, power, and self-assuredness. It’s a better posture for your back, too![9]
  2. If you feel uncomfortable letting your hands dangle at your sides, rest your hands on the top of your hips. This posture is very close to the hands in the pockets move, and it will feel like you’re hiding your hands if you actually are a little nervous, but it sends nearly the same message to others.[10]
    • What this conveys: Known as the arms akimbo position, this stance communicates dominance and power. If you want people to think you’re in charge, this is the stance for you.
  3. Gesturing and calmly moving your hands to the rhythm of your speech not only feels natural for most people, but it helps you build momentum in conversations where you might be a little nervous to get through it. It’s also a great way to keep listeners focused on you if you’re speaking in front of an audience.[11]
    • What this conveys: Hand gestures often express warmth, energy, alertness, and expertise. People will also be statistically more likely to absorb what you’re saying if you use your hands to speak![12]
  4. This is a great option if you really want to hide your hands because you’re anxious but you don’t want to appear weak. Cross your arms in front of your chest and tuck your hands in your armpits. You’ll soothe any anxiety you’re feeling—the arms over your heart will comfort any high heart rate, and it’ll feel a little bit like a hug—all while avoiding any signals that you’re nervous.[13]
    • What this conveys: The crossed arms pose indicates you’re calm, confident, and prepared. You often see managers and authority figures use this posture as they assess others.
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Section 3 of 3:

Submissive Body Language to Avoid

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  1. Slouching is a sign that you’re not comfortable or prepared. It just generally conveys that you’re kind of tired, too. People naturally slouch when they’re exhausted, so if you want to seem alert, this isn’t a particularly good posture. It also makes you sleepier and more depressed.[14]
  2. Averting eye contact is a major sign that you aren’t comfortable. It can send the message that you’re scared if you’re talking to an authority figure, or convey the message that you’re lying if you’re talking to a friend or family member. Always make eye contact if you’re talking to someone and you want to seem sure of yourself.[15]
    • If you’re talking to a group of people, swap back and forth between different members of your audience when it comes to the eye contact. Not only will you appear confident, but you’ll help keep your audience’s attention.
  3. You know how people will shriek and move away abruptly when they come across something gross or scary? That’s a natural, human instinct! People physically shy away from things they want to avoid, and that extends to body language, too. If you tilt away from someone, lean on a wall away from them, or bend at the hips away from someone, it sends the message that you’re scared or trying to get away from them.[16]
    • The opposite is also true. Leaning towards somebody is a sign that you’re interested in them!
  4. Fidgeting or playing around with random nearby objects sends the message that you’re either bored or unsure of yourself. It’s no big deal if you’re fidgeting your way through a boring school presentation, but if you don’t want to come off as distant, don’t squirm or fuss.[17]
    • Some people will interpret this as disrespect if they want you to pay attention to what they’re saying, so be careful about fidgeting during important conversations!
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About This Article

Elvina Lui, MFT
Co-authored by:
Marriage & Family Therapist
This article was co-authored by Elvina Lui, MFT and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. This article has been viewed 56,589 times.
9 votes - 77%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: December 12, 2024
Views: 56,589
Categories: Body Language
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 56,589 times.

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