How to Impress Your In Laws

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: June 24, 2024 Approved

Maybe your in laws are great (lucky!), or maybe you're a little scared of them. Either way, you're out to win them over. Whether you have met them before or are meeting them for the first time, impressing your in-laws can seem daunting. Your actions reflect the type of person you are, and they will also set the foundation of your relationship with them in the future. Above all, practice politeness, and go out of your way to show you are interested in and respect them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Making a Good First Impression

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Dress well. Like it or not, the way you look is a big part of a first impression. Choose clothes that flatter you without making you look overdressed. You don’t want to be slumming it in sweats when you meet your in laws. At the same time, you wouldn’t want to wear a cocktail dress or tuxedo when everyone else is in sundresses or polos!^{[1]
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- Make sure that your clothes are clean, presentable, and not too revealing or potentially offensive.
- For casual or semi-casual occasions, you could try wearing a nice button-down shirt or polo with khakis, or a dress that makes you look great while still being comfy and not flashy. In cooler weather, a nice sweater can do the trick. Jeans can be ok, too, as long as they're clean and free of tears.
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Bring them a small gift if you're going to their house. If your in laws have invited you over, it’s often considered polite to bring food, a drink, or a small gift with you. Ask your partner what they think is appropriate, and give it to your in laws yourself when you arrive.^{[2]
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- Things like a bottle of chocolates, or some flowers can do wonders.
- Make sure to ask your partner about their in laws’ expectations first. In some cultures, it’s considered offensive to bring something when invited over.
- Ask your partner if their parents enjoy drinking alcohol before bringing wine or another alcoholic drink as a gift. If they don't drink or if they are opposed to drinking, alcohol will not make a good gift.
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Start conversations that show you’re interested. Work with your partner and do a little research. Find out what your in laws are interested in, and make sure to ask them about that. You can also ask them about their hobbies, home, or family history. Showing you care about them will go a long way!^{[3]
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- If you have any common interests, bring those up to form bonds: “Mr. Smith, Sam tells me you’re interested in scuba diving. Me too!”
- Even little comments and questions like “Who’s in this photo?” will show your interest.
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Compliment them and their stuff. Try giving comments like “You have a beautiful home!” or “I love that sweater--where did you get it?” Compliments like these are another way of showing your in laws that you’re interested in them, want to be on good terms with them, and are a nice person to be around.^{[4]
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- Even if their style is different from yours, find something you can compliment! Try an old standby, like "That's a really interesting wall hanging. Where did you find that?"
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Have a one-on-one chat. If you’re at a big family gathering or some other group event, try to get a moment to chat alone with one or both of your in laws. This doesn’t have to be a big talk, just a chance to show you feel comfortable around them. Thank them for inviting you, and tell them you look forward to spending more time together.^{[5]
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- Try saying something like "I just wanted to say thanks for inviting me. I've had such a good time! Why don't we get together again next weekend? We could try that new Vietnamese restaurant."
- You can also try some small talk, like complimenting their clothing, talking about the weather or sports, or asking about their plans for the weekend.
- These little chats are a great way to bond!
Your in laws will be paying attention to how you treat them, your partner, and really everyone else, so show respect and politeness! For instance, if you’re having dinner at a restaurant, now’s not the time to criticize the food, be rude to the server, etc.^{[6]
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Try the food even if you don’t think you’ll like it. If your in laws have invited you over or out to eat, actually trying the food will show you respect them and appreciate the invitation. Even if it’s something you don’t normally eat, try a little bit. If you don’t like it, just say thanks and that you’re full!^{[7]
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- If you have religious, health, ethical, or other serious reasons for not eating something, just politely let your in laws know.
- Telling your in laws that the food was delicious will also make a good impression.
Make sure to take a moment before you leave to tell them you had a great time. Say what a great time you had, and that you hope to see them again soon.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Building a Strong Relationship

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Respect your partner. In laws will always want to know that you are treating their son or daughter well. Be kind and loving to your partner, and show them you have a good relationship.^{[8]
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- Avoid fighting with, nagging, or putting down your partner when you’re around their in laws. If you have something you need to work out, save it for when you’re alone.
2
Ask for their advice. Your in laws will want to be valued in your life. One way to show that they matter to you and your partner is to ask for their thoughts and advice. You can either give them a call to get their opinion or pull them aside for a one-on-one chat when you're all hanging out together as a family.^{[9]
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- You could try asking them for advice on big things, like “Will you come house hunting with us?”
- Asking for advice on everyday things will impress them, too (i.e., “What do you think I should wear to the holiday party?” or “Do you know anything about oil changes?”).
3
Talk to them often. Go out of your way to keep your in laws in the loop. If you check in on them just to see how they’re doing, they will appreciate it, and you’ll score some major respect points.^{[10]
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- It's natural to connect with family around holidays and other events. Try calling or texting your in laws once in a while “just because.” They'll probably appreciate the gesture even more since it was unprompted.
- Call your mother in law, for instance, and say something like "Hi, I just wanted to call and see how you're doing! It's been a hectic week for me, and I bet yours has been long, too."
4
Make their favorite foods. Bring one of your in laws’ favorite dishes when you come over, or make it when they come to your house. This can be considered very thoughtful. They will be impressed that you took the time to learn about what they like. Even if they say you didn’t make it perfectly right, the gesture will still be appreciated!^{[11]
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- If you aren't sure what they're favorites are, ask your partner.
- Casually ask them in conversation what they enjoy eating. For example, ask them "What kind of food do you enjoy?" or "What's your favorite dessert?"
5
Give them thoughtful presents. Gift-giving times, like holidays and birthdays, can be great opportunities to show your in laws how much you care. Try to give them things you know they’ll love. They’ll be impressed with your thoughtfulness.
- For instance, if you know that your mother in law collects things with farmyard motifs, giving her a set of hen and rooster salt and pepper shakers will probably mean more to her than a gift card.
Some families like to take vacations with their in laws, and this can be a good bonding experience. But quality time doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. Everyday things like going shopping with one of your in laws or inviting them over to watch the game are really meaningful.^{[12]
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Expert Q&A

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Question

What should I wear to my in-laws marriage function?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

First, find out what kind of an event it will be--formal, relaxed, outdoor, or indoor? Dress for the occasion. Also try to get some clues from others in the family: does your partner have a sibling you could ask? Remember it is their event, so try to dress according to their standards, even if it means you can't wear your favorite tight dress!

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