How to Kiss Goodnight

Co-authored by Michele Fields

Last Updated: October 27, 2023 References

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The goodnight kiss is one of the most exciting parts of a romantic date. A long-anticipated kiss at the end of the night is a timeless gesture that gets hearts racing and eyelashes fluttering. It’s also one of the earliest displays of affection for new couples, a glimmer of physical attraction and intimacy. But how do you know when it’s a good time? Getting it right requires you to be able to read your date’s body language and work up the nerve to make your move.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Creating an Opportunity

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1
Walk your date to the door. At the end of the evening, escort your date to their place of departure, whether it be their front door, their car or the bus stop. Most first kisses happen right before you go your separate ways, so your first step is to put yourself into the proper setting to take advantage of the moment. If you don’t even manage to make it that far, there’s a much smaller chance that you’ll part with anything other than a friendly word.^{[1]
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- It’s best if the two of you are somewhere dark, quiet and private. That way, you can focus all of your attention on one another.
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Get close. Move in close to your date by bridging the distance between the two of you. Try to stand about an arm’s length away, or closer if circumstances allow it. If they don’t pull away as you get closer, you’re on the right track. The cozier and more personal you and your date get, the more likely you are to share a smooch.^{[2]
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- Standing face-to-face almost guarantees the prospect of a kiss.
- Don’t, however, hover unnecessarily close or violate their personal space. This will make you come across as more creepy than charming.
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3
Maintain eye contact. Look your date square in the eye and smile warmly and flirtatiously. Making constant eye contact helps to form a connection between two people and opens channels for unspoken communication. If he or she steadily returns your gaze, there’s a good chance that they’d be receptive to a kiss.
- Keep an eye out for what’s known as the “lover's triangle”: glancing from one or both your eyes down to your lips and back. It’s a nearly foolproof clue that your date foresees a kiss in their future.^{[3]
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Look for breaks in the conversation. Assuming that the two of you are still chatting and haven’t cut straight to staring into each other’s eyes, pay attention to frequent, pronounced lapses in your dialogue. It might mean that you both have something on the brain other than talking. Gaps in conversation often make a great cue for locking lips.
- The best time to act usually comes after either you or your date has said something along the lines of “I had a really great time tonight.”
- When you’ve run out of things to talk about but you’re both still standing around expectantly, there’s a good chance your date is waiting on a kiss.
- You can always ask permission before you go in for a kiss.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Reading Your Date's Body Language

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1
Reflect on how the date went. Think back over the night. Was it enjoyable? Did the two of you have a lot to talk about? Does your date seem genuinely interested in you? Gauging the success of your date won’t tell you exactly when to throw yourself into a romantic embrace, but it can give you a good idea of how the other person will be feeling and whether or not a kiss would be appropriate way to end the evening.^{[4]
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- There’s no guarantee that just because your date had a good time they’ll be ready for a kiss just yet. Not everybody works at the same pace. Tune yourself in to their emotional state before you plan your next move.
- Don’t hesitate if it feels right. Many people consider a goodnight kiss the perfect way to end a fabulous date.
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See if they’re in a hurry to get inside. Take note of whether or not your date lingers before saying goodnight. If they immediately start fumbling for their house keys once you reach the front door, you can be fairly certain that they’re not interested in taking things any further. If they’re slow moving or seem reluctant to bring the night to a close, however, they might be hopeful for a heartfelt sendoff.^{[5]
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- Try to pick up on indications that your date is trying to put distance between the two of you emotionally, such as seeming overly quiet or disinterested, sighing or turning their back.
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Be able to recognize dismissive behavior. Regardless of how you felt the night went, your date might be eager to get it over with. If he or she insists that you don’t need to walk them to their door, or keeps their distance once you’ve reached it, consider quitting while you’re ahead. Other red lights include closed off body language (turning away), unwillingness to meet your gaze, pursed lips and, worst of all, the dreaded handshake.^{[6]
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- Listen for brisk, conclusive phrases like “I’ll call/text you,” “I have to be up early in the morning” or simply “goodnight.” This kind of finality is typically reserved for when someone wants to put an end to things in a hurry.
- A hug can go either way. If your date goes for a hug to be closer to you, and holds on for a long time, it could be taken as encouragement for the kiss. If it feels like more of a platonic gesture, however, try to take the hint.
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Look for signs of anticipation. On the flipside, your date may clearly be putting off vibes that they’re into you. These can include facing you directly, parting their lips and giving you steady, suggestive glances (or eyeing you and then looking away bashfully). Actions like these are instinctively ingrained, and are about as obvious an invitation as you’re going to get.
- Some other promising signs to look for are rapid, shallow breathing, continued licking of the lips and a quick or pounding heartbeat.
- Most of the time, your date will make it clear to you whether or not they want you to kiss them.

Part 3

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Going for the Kiss

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1
Wait for the right time. Be ready to seize an opportunity for a kiss when one arises. This will require a bit of feeling out on your part, depending on the situation. For every goodnight kiss there is a unique “window” during which conditions are perfect. Try to assess your date’s attitude and body language and decide whether it’s an appropriate time.^{[7]
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- In some cases, it might be interpreted as rude to cut your date off with a kiss mid-sentence, while in other circumstances they might find it romantic. Use your best judgment before you commit.
- A sudden, expectant pause in the conversation usually makes a perfect occasion to initiate a kiss.
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Lean in slowly. When you feel the time is right, move in. Make sure you’re standing close enough to your date for the kiss to happen naturally. Lean in slowly and make your intentions evident—this will give them time to prepare, or to pull back if it’s not what they want. That moment of anticipation before a first kiss is almost electric!^{[8]
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- You can either go straight for the lips, or pull back momentarily to heighten the anticipation before you finally seal the deal.
- If she turns her head as you lean in, just apologize, laugh it off and leave with your dignity intact.
3
Make it special. Give them a kiss they’ll never forget. As you lean in, close your eyes and tilt your head. Part your lips and press them softly against your date’s, then kiss them more firmly. If you want, you can place a hand on their cheek, hip or small of their back and pull them in closer, or reach down to lace your fingers together.^{[9]
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- Keep your eyes closed until you disengage. It’s always weird to find the other person staring at your during a meaningful kiss.
- Get a sense of when to end the kiss. Wait until the passion reaches its peak, then be the first to break away. Always leave them wanting more.
4
Don’t overdo it. A good first kiss is opportunistic, sensual and doesn’t overstay its welcome. Unless your date is particularly enthusiastic, don’t try to slip them the tongue, get grabby, breathe heavily or do anything else that they might find off-putting. Just enjoy the fireworks for a few moments, then tell them goodnight or await an invitation to come inside.
- Though your date may be sending you signals that they want to be kissed, that doesn’t mean they’re alright with being groped or manhandled. For the most part, you should keep your hands to yourself until you start getting the signals for that, too.
- Getting too worked up during a kiss is a surefire way to ruin it, and potentially embarrass yourself.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you know if she wants me to kiss her?

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michele Fields is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Owner of Bon Jour Matchmaking based in Denver, Colorado. With over thirty years of experience, she specializes in helping others meet people and navigate dating and relationships. Michele has created over 300 marriages and has been featured on Denver ABC News, The Rocky Mountain News, Colorado 2 News, Denver Westworld, and The Denver Post.

Michele Fields

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The truth is, you don’t always know. At least half the time you will get the signals verbally, physically or just notice the energy between you. You can always ask permission first... I love that!

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What if you're nervous and not sure when the right time is?

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Relax! You're probably just overthinking it. Watch your date for subtle cues. If they want you to kiss them, they'll most likely make the opportunity pretty inviting. When you get that feeling in your gut that it's about to happen, you just know it's the perfect moment.

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Tips

Bring a stick of gum or some mints along to keep your breath fresh if you think you and your date might get up close and personal.

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Spare a quick look back when you walk away—chances are they'll will be watching you go.

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Don't worry too much about making a mistake. Even if you miss while leaning in or let a prime opportunity slip and sit in awkward silence too long, if your date likes you they'll just find it cute.

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If you're worried about bad breath, use mouthwash before your date, and pop xylitol mints throughout the night.
Hold your partner's hands while you kiss them to make them feel extra special.

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Warnings

If your date doesn't want to be kissed, don't be insistent. This is pushy and disrespectful. Learn to take no for an answer.

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Don't be overzealous and tell your date "I love you" right off the bat. Those kinds of sentiments need to be worked up to and expressed only after your relationship has had a chance to develop more.

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