How to Use Your Hands During a Kiss

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Amber Crain

Last Updated: October 29, 2024 Approved

Kissing someone is a big deal! You want it to go perfectly, but you may have no clue what to do with your hands during the kiss. A lot of people wonder about this! Luckily, there are a lot of options. Try holding their hand, touching their face, or putting your arms around them. If you're both interested in taking things to the next level, use your hands to pull them closer, explore their body, or even take off their clothing while kissing.

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Touching Your Partner

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This is a good option if you've never kissed the other person before and you're feeling unsure about what to do with your hands. Rest your hands lightly on the other person’s waist, or gently grip their hips while kissing them.^{[1]
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Try holding one of their hands and caressing it lightly with your hand. You can also try grabbing both of their hands and interlocking your fingers with theirs during the kiss. This is a great option if you feel really close to the other person, and it comes off as very sweet.^{[2]
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This can add some intimacy to the kiss. You can grab their face with both of your hands and gently pull it closer to your face, for example. You can also try gently caressing their cheek, neck, or even their earlobe. Ears are sensitive areas, so lightly stroking their ear may be a turn-on for them!^{[3]
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Run your hands through their hair. Use one or both hands to run your fingers softly through their hair. Go slowly and be gentle! If they have long hair, you could even twirl a strand around your finger as you're kissing them.
- If you're feeling adventurous, some people even like their hair to be gently pulled! Save this move for someone you feel pretty close to. It may not go over well with someone you've never kissed before.^{[4]
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This shows the other person that you're enjoying the kiss. Depending on your height and what you find the most comfortable, you may want to put your arms around their shoulders or their waist. Both are good options!
When you’re ready to end the kiss, you can remove your hands from their body. Usually, they will get the message that this means you need a break, but if not, you can gently push them away by applying light pressure to their chest (on males) or shoulders (on females).

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Taking It to the Next Level

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Take it slow and observe your partner's reactions. Moving quickly from a soft first kiss to something more intimate is jarring for a lot of people, and may even make them uncomfortable. Feel out the situation before you take things to the next level. Are they pulling you closer and returning your kisses? When you take things up a notch, do they respond by doing the same?^{[5]
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- If you aren't sure how they feel about going further, ask them what they want. If that feels too weird, you can try a more intimate move and then softly ask them, "Is this okay?"
If you want to take the kiss up a notch, use your hands to gently pull the person closer to you by the waist until your bodies are pressed up against one another, like you’re hugging. Do this slowly and avoid slamming your bodies together! Moving slowly feels more intimate and gives them time to react to what's happening.^{[6]
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Show your partner what you like by using your hands to place their hands on your body. For example, you could gently place one of their hands on the small of your back, your arm, your waist, or even your thigh. If they resist or seem uncomfortable in any way, definitely drop their hand and slow down a bit.
If the person you are kissing is wearing jeans, you can slide your hands into their back pockets. Not only will this bring the person you are kissing closer to your own body, it’s one way to touch them sensually through their clothing.^{[7]
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Explore their body. If you are in a private setting, feel comfortable enough with this person, and have a mutual desire to do more than just kiss, then you can start using your hands to explore the rest of their body. Slip your hand under their shirt and explore their stomach and chest area, or run your hands down their arms or back.^{[8]
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- If you're positive your partner is comfortable taking things to the next level, you can use your hands to remove their clothing. Unbutton their shirt, unzip their pants, or take off an item of their clothing. Go slowly so you can gauge their reaction. If they seem hesitant, slow things down.

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How can I talk to a girl I like to ask her on a first date?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

A big problem is when people go on dates and people start asking boring questions like, "Oh, hey, so what do you do?" and then they respond with something like, "Yeah, that's cool." It's not interesting and you're not building any suspense or tension. You're not giving her a hint that you're actually interested. If she flirts with you, flirt back. If she isn't flirting with you, start it off by making some jokes or saying something kind of playful. If they ask you a question, ask them another question back. This will help build tension and grow the conversation.

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I'mm tall and my girl is short and sometimes she gets tired of stretching. What should we do?

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Try kissing while your seated rather than standing. If you're both sitting on the couch, it may be more comfortable to kiss each other if there is a large height difference.

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How do you touch a girl's butt without her noticing?

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You shouldn't touch a girl's butt without her permission. Don't attempt to touch girls without them noticing, as they will almost certainly notice and get upset. Be sure that anyone you touch agrees to the touching.

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Only do what feels natural during a kiss. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable, then it will show. Sometimes the best thing to do is not overthink the situation and just go with the flow.

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Use your best judgment to determine how much hand action to use, and where it is appropriate to place your hands, during a kiss. Take into account your relationship with this person and how long you have been romantically involved. You want to make sure that the other person is comfortable with what is going on at all times.

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Warnings

Don't ever let other people pressure you into doing things that you don't want to do, especially when it comes to sex.

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Take the setting into account (i.e. public versus private) to determine what level of kissing and touching is appropriate.

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