How to Kiss a Girl the First Time in Your Room

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: July 5, 2024 Approved

Kissing a girl for the first time in your room can be nerve-wracking, especially if it's the first time for one or both of you. With some helpful tips and pointers, you will be ready for your big moment!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Going into Your Room

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Ask if she would like to go to your room. This can be done in a number of ways, but the best and probably most effective would be ask her if she would like to see your room. Something along the lines of, "Hey want to go upstairs? My room is warmer/nicer/more comfortable than here." If she seems against it, don't push it or you'll make her uncomfortable and you should avoid making someone uncomfortable. You could also try using some different lines.
- Try saying, “All my CDs are upstairs, want to give them a listen?”
- You could also say, “There are some hilarious pictures in my yearbook upstairs. Want to take a look?”
- Suggest you go to your room by saying, “My sister always bothers me down here. Want to go upstairs where it's a little quieter?”
- Always follow your parents’ rules about having people in your room and closing doors.
She may not be happy with being shut in a room with her boyfriend she hasn't even kissed yet. Close the door, but not all the way. Leave it cracked open slightly. It probably wouldn’t be ideal if either of your parents come in while you guys are kissing, so keep an eye (or an ear) out for them. If you are not allowed to close your door with a girl in the room, respect your parents’ rules and leave the door open.

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If you sit down and pull her down next to you, she might feel threatened or feel that things are moving too fast. Give her some time to look around your room, familiarize herself with it, and become more comfortable. She will sit down when she is ready and feels like doing so. When she does, sit down next to her.^{[1]
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Part 2

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Hanging Out in Your Room

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Show her something. When you are both on the bed, show her something, like a yearbook, your favorite books or music, or a funny video on your computer. If you're both looking at something or talking while you sit down, you'll make the atmosphere a lot less awkward and soon both of you will be more comfortable.
- Say something like, “Did you see that YouTube video about the fox?” and then pull up the video on your computer.
- You could also show her a book you like and say, “Have you ever read this book? It’s one of my favorites.”
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Make eye contact.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Making eye contact will help you both feel chemistry and will also help you to understand what she might be thinking or feeling. Look for positive signals from her. Positive signals include, smiling, laughing at your jokes, or looking at your lips.
- If she's playing with her hair or putting her hair behind her ear, she may be trying to get you to look at her face. Fidgeting with her clothes might mean she's nervous.
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John Keegan
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John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

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Dating Coach

Ease into your first kiss. Start with a casual touch, like holding hands. As comfort grows, progress to a gentle arm around the shoulder. Read her body language–sustained eye contact and corresponding touch are positive signs. If all feels right, lean in slowly and wait for her response.
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Touch her arm and begin to move in. If she says stop, then stop. If she stops you, it could be for a couple of reasons. Either she's not comfortable due to being in an unfamiliar place, or she’s never kissed someone before and is not ready.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Some people can get nervous; others want to save their first kiss for a really special time or place. Don't take this personally. Try again some other time.^{[4]
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- It is possible that she may not like you (in that way). This can be difficult to accept but don’t take it personally. Sometimes girls just need a little more time. Who knows? She might actually want to kiss you later on.

Part 3

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Going in for the Kiss

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Lean forward slowly and kiss her. Make sure you are gentle and move slowly, closing your eyes as you go in for the kiss. Move in at a slight angle. If you move in with your face upright, you'll bump noses with her and your lips won't meet. This can be awkward!
- Don't stick out your lips, but gently press them against hers.
- Don't try tongue on the first kiss. Tongue is not good on the first kiss, unless she slips you a little tongue. If she does, 'go easy. Don't force it down her throat.
- Keep your eyes closed while kissing. Otherwise, it's kind of creepy if you're just staring at her while you kiss.
- Keep it short. The first time you kiss, keep it under ten seconds. If you both end up liking the kiss, you can always continue kissing for longer.
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Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

The first kiss is important, but don't pin too much meaning to it. Some people are just really shy at first and may feel overwhelmed during the first kiss. However, once they’ve gotten comfortable with you physically, all the excitement can emerge.
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Try French kissing. If you feel it's the right time, you can move on to the French kiss. Do this only if the girl is ready.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} If this is your first kiss altogether, not just the first in your room, you may want to hold off on trying that. If you decide to French kiss, move in at an angle, close your eyes, and begin with a couple close-mouth kisses. Kiss her lower or upper lip a couple times.
- When you open your mouth to kiss her, slip a little tongue into her mouth and bring it back out. The goal is to touch her tongue, and touch it gently. Don't ram it in there.
- Take turns meeting her tongue with open-mouth kisses. While French kissing, it's okay to keep your mouth slightly open.
- Remember to breathe while kissing. It's easy to forget to breathe while kissing. Breathe through your nose quietly and slowly.
When the kiss is over, it could be cute to give her a small kiss on the cheek or a hug to end the kiss sweetly. This, however, would not be so cute if the kiss ended in her pushing you away. Keep this in mind when making a move and be respectful of the girl.^{[6]
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If she doesn't want to kiss, gently put both your hands on her waist or softly place your hand on one side of her face. If she responds well to this keep going. If she starts to lean away, open her eyes or closes her mouth, then stop what you are doing and move on to a different activity.

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How should I kiss when it's my first time?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Start slow and only do it if you're both feeling comfortable. She might be interested if you're making eye contact or looking at each others' lips. When you're ready, try leaning in.

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What if she wants to do more than kissing?

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You should only do what both of you feel comfortable with, and what is safe.

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How old you have to be to kiss?

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There is no set age you need to be to kiss. The most important part is making sure that both people want to kiss. Take it slow and make sure the person you are kissing wants to be kissed.

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Tips

Make sure you don't still have a mint or gum in your mouth when you kiss!

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Don't be shy or nervous, otherwise she will get nervous too! You don't want that. Let things glide naturally.

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Do everything slowly and gently and don't close your eyes until the last moment.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Give signs you want to kiss her before doing so suddenly, to avoid surprising her or freaking her out. And be yourself — if she doesn't like the real you, she's not worth pursuing.
Watch out for snooping siblings or parents. If your room has thin walls, don't make too much noise or they may get curious. This could lead to embarrassment or awkwardness.
If you both enjoy kissing, it's okay to lie on the bed and remove some clothing. But only if you're both comfortable taking things further emotionally and physically.
If the kiss gets more intimate than you expected, gently pull away or tell her you're not ready for that yet. Respect goes both ways.
Look at her lips or give small hints, but don't blurt out "I want to kiss you!" This will likely creep her out. Subtlety is key.
Don't immediately tell everyone if you kiss. This breaches trust and she may not appreciate the loss of privacy and respect.

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Warnings

Just because she's in your room doesn't mean you should try anything else. If you do, it might make her very uncomfortable.

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Some girls may take this the wrong way! You will know if she does. If she won't make eye contact, doesn't sit with you, doesn't say much, has her lips clamped together, or some similar sign, she isn't comfortable being on the bed with you right then. If this happens, you should either talk to her; tell her you don't mean to make her feel like that, ask what you can do to make her more comfortable, etc. or just go back to whatever you were doing before.

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