How to Live with a Sibling You Dislike

Co-authored by Julia Yacoob, PhD

Last Updated: July 3, 2023 References

Everybody knows being around someone you don’t like is hard. Thankfully, you interactions with these people occasionally. However, the people who aren’t so lucky have to live with someone they dislike—their sibling. This article will show you how to cope and deal with a sibling you don’t like living with and make life a little easier on you.^{[1]
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Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Ignoring Them and Avoiding Communication

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1
Work around their schedule. If they have a schedule, try to work around it. For example, if your sibling goes to the kitchen to eat dinner at 6:15pm through 6:45pm, you can have dinner at 7:00pm to avoiding having dinner with them. If your sibling wants to go to the mall on Saturday, but so do you, go in the morning, while they go in the evening, or even go to the mall on Sunday to avoid them.
2
Don't strike up a conversation when you see them. When you're around a sibling you don't like, it's best to keep quiet. If they try to strike up a conversation with you, show that you aren't interested by responding with cold, one-word responses like "no" and "yes" when they ask you questions. Don't act as if they aren't in the same room as you, but don't engage in conversation with them either.

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3
Control your non-verbal body language when you're around them. This is part of remaining respectful while avoiding conflict or interactions with them. Avoid rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, sighing angrily, sneering, or any other rude body language while they are speaking. It is not necessary to be impolite when avoiding communication.
4
Try to avoid shared activities sometimes. If your sibling bothers you a lot, try to avoid shared activities sometimes. Do not watch the same TV show, play video games, or spend time with them. Instead, leave the room and do your own thing. If someone asks you if you want to do something that involves your sibling, opt for a 'no'. ^{[2]
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- Try to spend time with them at least sometimes. While you don’t always have to be around them, you don’t have to leave as soon as they walk into the room. If you’re doing something with other people and your sibling wants to join, try not to quit the activity just because your sibling is around.
5
Learn to breathe and let the little things go. There are likely a lot of little things your sibling will do that annoy you--that's siblings for you. Instead of getting upset or starting a fight with your sibling, try to take a deep breath, let it go, and go on with your day.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Communicating with Them and Creating Solutions

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1
Talk about what upsets you. Sit down and have a talk with your sibling. Start a conversation about what bothers you about your sibling. You can come up with a solution that works for both of you if you work together. As an example, you may tell your sibling that you dislike it when they enter the kitchen while you are already cooking and begin preparing dinner. Or, maybe they don't like it when you're on your phone at the dinner table. Once you've talked about it, your sibling could agree to wait until you're done in the kitchen before cooking dinner. Communicate with them and devise appropriate solutions.
- Try to open up the conversation as calmly as possible to see if things can be ironed out.
2
Set boundaries. It's important to establish boundaries with your sibling. Boundaries are an essential part of any healthy relationship. Boundaries are the limits we set with other people that indicate what we consider acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior toward us. For example, if your younger sister keeps barging into your room unannounced, tell her she must knock before entering.^{[3]
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3
Give each other space. If the reason you hate your sibling is because they are clingy or you can never get time alone, encourage your sibling find new hobbies, look for things to do, and give each other space.
4
Consider forgiving each other for what was done in the past and moving on. Another good option is to move forward with your sibling and forgive each other about any petty things or fights you had in the past. This might not be the easiest thing, but it's a great way to begin walking down the path of a good relationship with your sibling.
5
Work on creating a better relationship. Be relatable and approachable. Dismissing your sibling will only drive a wedge between you two. Show interest in their life. Everyone is unique and your sibling is no exception. Find out what makes them tick. Let them entertain you. You may even learn something from them. Also, take the time to listen to them. Find out what bothers them. Ask questions and listen to their concerns.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Coping with Your Situation

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1
Try to understand why you dislike them. It's hard to live with a sibling you don't like, although, it's a good idea to try and understand why dislike person. Dislike or hatred often stems from another feeling such as envy, grief, jealousy, or sadness. For example, you might dislike your sibling because your parents favorite them, and cause sibling rivalry between you two. Or maybe, when your sibling is around, they are negative, rude, and unpleasant to be around. Get to the root of why you dislike your sibling, and understand if it's dislike, or another feeling.^{[4]
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2
Journal or write. Write in a journal and get your feelings out. Journaling allows people to clarify their thoughts and feelings, gaining valuable self-awareness in the process. One of the most effective ways to reduce stress with journaling is to write in detail about feelings and thoughts related to stressful events, just as one would discuss topics in therapy and brainstorm solutions, but there are several ways to practice journaling. Journaling can also help you keep track of your feelings about your family and any progress with your sibling. ^{[5]
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3
Find ways to relax and destress. Dealing with a difficult sibling can cause stress, which can ruin your mood. Find ways to relax after having a difficult interaction with your sibling. A few ways to destress include:^{[6]
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- Meditation
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Being present with one of your senses (smell, sound, or touch)
- Taking a warm shower or having a bath
4
Get creative. Cooking, baking, coloring with colored pencils or doodling, or taking pictures can provide a welcome distraction in a stressful situation. Creative activities can take your mind off something and you can create a nice painting or drawing in the process.^{[7]
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Do something productive. Similar to getting creative, exercising, dancing, cooking, baking, or playing an instrument, it can take your mind off something and give you something else to focus on instead of stressing about your sibling.^{[8]
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Create a support system. Surround yourself with people who care about you and want to see you succeed. Your partner, children, friends, other family members, colleagues, online support groups, or other people in your life could all be included.
- It's beneficial to have a support system when you live with somebody you simply can't stand. Create a group of supportive friends or other non-judgmental family members so you can vent and get advice.
7
Consider going to therapy. Therapy is a great way of understanding your feelings and finding coping strategies from somebody who knows what they're doing. If possible, go to family/sibling therapy with your sibling to work through problems and understand each other better.

Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Showing Basic Respect While Living with Them

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1
Don't pick fights with them. Don't get into fights with them. Instead of starting physical fights and arguments with them, try to disagree respectfully. Arguing with them will not serve you well in the long run. Fighting with them will only serve to further divide you. Instead of getting into a petty argument or fight, simply agree to disagree.
- Avoid calling your sibling names or telling on them (unless they're in danger).
2
Be polite. Nobody enjoys dealing with difficult people. It would make our lives so much easier if we could just avoid all of the people we dislike. However, when you share a home with your sibling, it's difficult to simply walk away or ignore them. Regardless of your differences, it is critical to remain respectful and polite to your sibling.^{[9]
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- When you speak, practice kindness. Even if they are bothering you and annoying you, show them the same respect you'd like to get in return.
3
Respect their possessions. Don't take their items without permission such as their clothing, car, or go through personal belongings (such as a phone or diary) to annoy them or get revenge on them. If your younger sibling takes your items and you're trying to take their items as a form of revenge, tell a parent or older sibling. Many young kids are attention-seekers. Attention-seekers feel the need to always be in the spotlight. This need for attention at all costs can lead to a form of stealing from siblings.^{[10]
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4
Make an effort not to gossip about them. Let's face it: almost everybody gossips, even if they don't realize it. However, the truth is that gossip of any kind towards anyone is unkind. Try not to talk bad about your sibling while they aren't around or say unkind things about them; it will make you the better person in the end. Try to speak positively if you do decide to talk about them.
5
Avoid competing with your sibling. A desire to compete with your sibling might come from your parent(s) seemingly favoring them over you. Try not to compete with your sibling and accept yourself as you are. Begin to see yourself as an individual separate from your sibling.^{[11]
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- Instead of competing, team up to achieve a goal! Whether you decide to build a fort, start a band, or convince your parents to get a puppy, try working together instead of against each other.
6
Don't go out of your way to bother or hurt them. It's useless to go out of your way to irritate them or do things you know will make them angry or upset. Doing this will separate the two of you even more and cause rivalry. Instead, focus on being kind and living your life without focusing solely on them.

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Taking Further Action

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1
Find somewhere else to go when you're overwhelmed. If you can temporarily go somewhere away from where your sibling lives, living with them can become somewhat more tolerable. Go somewhere such as friend’s house, grandparents residence, second parent’s home (if your parents are separated), aunt/uncle’s place, or somewhere you’re comfortable and feel safe.
2
Spend time somewhere your sibling isn’t. This could be a close relative’s house, somewhere outside such as the local park, a friends home, or another safe place where your sibling won’t be. This will give you options that are logical and help you stay sane when you do have to come back and see your sibling.
3
Move out or live somewhere else if you can’t stand them anymore. If your sibling is influencing your life, causing you constant trouble, putting you in danger, and you simply can’t stand them anymore, move out. If you aren’t an adult and can’t move out, check out the next steps for ideas.
- If you’re a teenager or kid and you can’t stand your sibling, don’t try to run away. You will be putting yourself in a lot of danger, worrying others, and running away from your problems will only make them worse. Try to cope with your situation instead of trying to escape it.

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Tips

Never put your hands on your sibling or hurt them, whether it's physically or mentally.

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Don't be blatantly rude, no matter how much you want to.

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Never seek "revenge" on your sibling, especially if they are young or didn't harm you. Be the bigger person.

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