How to Lose a Guy

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams

Last Updated: November 15, 2024

All people are capable of misunderstanding messages or simply being oblivious to intended cues, and guys are no different. Whether you are trying to lose a clingy crush or wonder what behaviors will send a boyfriend packing for good, you can do all sorts of things to drop a guy.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Losing a Clingy Crush

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You may occasionally meet a guy who clearly thinks the relationship has more potential than you think it does. When it becomes evident to you that he’s trying to take the relationship in a direction that you have no interest, you might not know how to handle the situation. Begin by making sure you confront the issue face to face.^{[1]
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Research source} Texting, phone calls, and other indirect methods can leave room for misunderstandings, so you’re better off telling him in person.
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Meet in public. Meeting at your place or his might seem like a private venue for a private conversation, but agreeing to meet in a private place can put the meet-up in the wrong context for the guy. Additionally, if you don’t know him super well, a safe, public spot is just a better idea regardless.^{[2]
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- Though it’s a public place, do not bring friends along for moral support because rejecting him in front of friends is always a bit rude.^{[3]
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  Research source} This isn’t to say you can’t have a friend nearby, but don’t have the friend present for the conversation.
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When trying to let someone down gently—whether male or female—many people resort to common excuses such as being interested in someone else or it simply being bad timing. Though well intended, these excuses can also lead to misunderstandings because the guy may decide that he simply needs to wait for a better time rather than moving on.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
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Be direct without being rude or mean. Being direct doesn’t mean pulling out a laundry list of everything you dislike about the person or belittling his attempts to date you. In other words, stay away from “I could never like someone like you,” and instead opt for something along the lines of, “I don’t think about you that way,” or “I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with you.”^{[5]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- While the guy is likely to ask why you’re not interested, remember that you don’t owe him any in-depth explanation if you don’t want to give one. It’s his responsibility to respect your decision and not your responsibility to justify your decision to him. However, you can always choose to answer if he asks respectfully.
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Avoid contact. It is important to back up an unequivocal message with equally as clear actions. By agreeing to still see the guy, you can confuse the issue or instill some false hope that you might change your mind.^{[6]
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Research source} You’re better off giving him the time and space to get over his crush.
- This may require you telling him that you think you two need the space apart before trying just to be friends (if that’s even what you want) since the crush is likely to try to see you to win you over despite your decision.^{[7]
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Do not gossip. Especially in instances where the two of you run in the same social circles, avoid gossiping about him with your mutual friends.^{[8]
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Research source} No one likes getting rejected, and everyone deserves to be treated fairly and with dignity, so don’t gloat to people about how you rejected him or anything like that.
- By gossiping, you can very easily stir up negative emotions in the guy that make him angry and attempt to contact you about it. Since you’re trying to get him to leave you alone in the first place, this is not the way to make that happen.
Since—especially when you have the same friends—it’s impossible to avoid someone altogether, remember to be amiable whenever you do run into him but without being overly intimate.^{[9]
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Research source} The instinct for many people is to be nicer than usual to someone they know they’ve recently hurt, but being too nice can muddy the message. It may even lead him to believe that you think you’ve made a mistake. Avoid this mixed message by being friendly without allowing any sense of guilt to make you pay extra attention to him.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Losing a Boyfriend

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1
Consider being direct. Many people may use the term “lose a guy” when meaning the types of behavior that will make the guy lose interest or even do the job of breaking up so someone else doesn’t have to. It’s always better to take a direct approach to someone you’re not interested in seeing anymore. By the time the guy gets the hint, he’ll initiate a conversation where you will probably have to admit that you don’t want to be with him regardless. You can save you both time and frustration by just telling him how you feel to begin with.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- For more information on how to do this, check out: How to Break Up with a Boy or How to Break Up with a Guy Nicely.
- Of course, if you simply want to compare your own relationship behavior to what could potentially cause you to lose the guy, then there are several things to avoid.
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Don’t respect him. Mutual respect is one of the most important aspects of a serious relationship with anyone. By lacking respect in a relationship, you essentially tell the guy that you don’t value him and don’t care about his concerns or priorities.^{[11]
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Research source} Consistently putting your own concerns and priorities before his without any willingness to consider his is inherently disrespectful and one of the biggest ways people fall into this trap.
- Disregarding his emotions and challenges as valid is just as disrespectful and hurtful as always putting your own first as well.^{[12]
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- Keep in mind that respecting him doesn’t mean being subservient to him. This is still the 21st century. Respect goes both ways.
One extreme pitfall of uncommunicative relationships especially is realizing that while you may love someone and feel obligated to the person, you still don’t particularly like the person. By not liking a guy you nonetheless love and remain with, you’ll often come across more angry or resentful, which he will in turn notice. The behavior can easily drive him away.^{[13]
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Be judgmental toward him. Anyone in a relationship will open up, express vulnerabilities, and rely on a partner for help. One of the quickest ways to make a guy close up and run is to judge him for his flaws or shortcomings instead of being the safe place for him to be open about them.^{[14]
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- He’ll retreat even more quickly if you pair your judgmental behavior with explicit blame toward him for the flaws and shortcomings and then complain about him because of them to others.^{[15]
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Don’t trust him. Trust is one of the strongest foundations on which people can build a relationships. By not trusting a guy, especially if he’s never given you a single reason not to trust him, you are likely to drive him away.^{[16]
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- This applies just as much to trusting his ability to make decisions as it does to trusting his fidelity. Trust enters multiple facets of a relationship.
Regardless of sex, people usually want to run to a significant other in times of both great news and terrible news. Being unavailable when he needs support is a surefire way to make a guy pull away.^{[17]
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Research source} This applies just as much to simply being emotionally disinterested in his celebrations and sorrows.
Conflict is unavoidable in any relationship. Getting past a conflict is usually about calming down, meeting someone in the middle, and taking responsibility for one’s part in the fight. If you want to drive a guy away, never concede to any culpability in the conflicts that arise during the relationship.^{[18]
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Don’t forgive him. Everyone occasionally makes mistakes in relationships. The important part is that the mistake wasn’t dangerous, the person acknowledges the mistake and shows remorse for it, and takes steps not to repeat the mistake. If you want to lose the guy, refuse to forgive him in every situation regardless of how big or small the mistake and despite how well he has tried to fix it.^{[19]
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- By never taking responsibility and never forgiving him, you additionally end up keeping him on the hook for things that weren’t even his fault, which will really go a long way to losing him.