How to Make Friends With a Boy (Girls)

Co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Last Updated: December 2, 2024 References

As a girl, becoming friends with a boy may seem daunting, but it’s easier than it seems. You can take small steps to get to know a boy and establish a solid friendship that stands the test of time. Start by becoming acquaintances with the boy and then establishing a friendship with him. You can then work on maintaining the friendship so it is long-lasting.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Becoming Acquaintances

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Find out his interests. Make sure that you speak about his (or her) interest and not only yours. Ask mutual friends about the boy’s hobbies or favorite past times.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II
Therapist

Expert Interview. 16 June 2022.}
- For example, you may ask his mutual friends, “What is his favorite thing to do outside of school?” or “Can you tell me what his favorite television show is?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 759 wikiHow readers about the best conversation topics to bring up with someone new, and 76% agreed that the easiest way to get to know a person better is by discussing their hobbies and interests. [Take Poll]
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Follow him on social media. Find him on social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook. Follow him so you can get to know him better through social media. If he follows you back, this can help to build your friendship.^{[2]
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- You can also use social media to learn more about his interests as well as a direct line of communication. This may help you feel more comfortable with talking to him and help your friendship blossom.
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Focus on interests you have in common. People are generally attracted to others with similar backgrounds and it will be easier for him to connect with you if he sees these similarities. Think about interests you have in common with the boy, such as a favorite television show or sport. Then, use these shared interests as icebreakers for your first conversations.^{[3]
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Ashley Pritchard, MA
Academic & School Counselor

Expert Interview. 4 November 2019.}
- For example, you may find out that you both like action movies. Or you may discover that you share a common interest in video games.
- Do not pretend to like things the boy likes just to become friends with him. You will likely find at least one thing you have in common with him so you do not have to fake it.
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Approach him in a group setting. If you have not had a lot of interaction with him, you may feel more comfortable getting to know him within a group. If you have mutual friends, ask them to help facilitate an introduction when you’re all together.^{[4]
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- If you do not have mutual friends, you could consider becoming involved in a group or club that he attends. This will not only aid in increasing your interaction with him, but will also create an instant common ground that may feel more natural.
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Maintain open body language around him. When you are around the boy, try to project an open, friendly demeanor. Avoid aggressive body language such as clenching your fists and crossing your arms. Instead, maintain open body language by keeping your arms relaxed at your sides and smiling or nodding at him.^{[5]
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- When you chat with the boy, you should also maintain eye contact with him to show him you are engaged in what he has to say.

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Establishing a Friendship

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Invite him to do something with you. Although it can be nerve-wracking, spending one-on-one time together is a great way to strengthen friendships. Decide on an activity that you will both enjoy and invite him to join. When you invite him, try to find a balance between being open and specific.^{[6]
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- For example, if you know he enjoys bowling, ask him if he would like to go bowling soon. Not providing an exact date allows for flexibility, while specifying the activity shows you have taken note of his interests and takes the pressure of planning off of him.
Your brain associates positive experiences with good feelings, so try to keep your conversations and shared activities upbeat and fun. Soon, he’ll associate spending time with you with enjoyment and will want to spend more time with you.
Do your best not to make promises you can’t keep. When making plans, try to choose a date and time that you know you can keep. Keep in touch and be communicate with him consistently. Failing to do so may make you seem “flaky” which, in turn, may make him feel that you don’t care about him.^{[7]
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Part 3

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Building a Long-Lasting Relationship

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Open up to him. Once you are more comfortable, ask for his advice on a personal matter or consider disclosing personal experiences with him. Trusting him with personal matters can help bring an intimacy to your relationship that only the closest friends have.^{[8]
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- For example, you may have a one-on-one hang out with him where you tell him about issues you are struggling with at home or at school. You may tell him about how you find it hard to get along with your parents, for example, or that you are having trouble in a subject in school.
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Be a good listener. Another way you can build a meaningful relationship with the boy is by being a good listener to him. Pay attention when he speaks to you and ask thoughtful questions to show him you are engaged. Maintain eye contact and nod when he speaks.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II
Therapist

Expert Interview. 16 June 2022.}
- Try not to interrupt him when he speaks and encourage him to keep talking by saying, “Tell me more,” or "I'm so interested in what you have to say."
- You can also ask thoughtful questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “Why do you think you reacted in that way?”
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Act trustworthy and honest around him. Show him that you can be a good friend by being trustworthy and upfront about what you think. If he tells you a secret or confides in you, tell him you will not tell anyone what he told you. Keep any personal information he tells you to yourself, unless he is okay with you sharing it with others. Trust can be difficult to earn and must be maintained, but it truly the foundation to all successful friendships. ^{[10]
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- You should also try to be honest with him so he knows you are not pretending or lying to him. Tell him how you feel and what you think honestly and openly.^{[11]
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  Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II
  Therapist
  
  Expert Interview. 16 June 2022.}
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Experience new things together. Trying something new can be scary, but consider inviting him to participate. Not only will it help ease the anxiety associated with the unknown, but can also prevent your friendship from going stale.^{[12]
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- For example, if you’ve both never gone camping before, you may invite him to go with you so you can experience something new together.

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How can I make more friends at school?

Ashley Pritchard, MA
School Counselor
Ashley Pritchard is an Academic and School Counselor at Delaware Valley Regional High School in Frenchtown, New Jersey. Ashley has over 3 years of high school, college, and career counseling experience. She has an MA in School Counseling with a specialization in Mental Health from Caldwell University and is certified as an Independent Education Consultant through the University of California, Irvine.

Ashley Pritchard, MA

School Counselor

Expert Answer

Think about what your interests are and sign up for a club or sport that you're interested in! If you really enjoy volleyball, try out for the volleyball team. If you love arguing about politics or life, sign up for the debate team. This will make it easier to find other students that you have something in common with. It's a lot easier to make friends if you share a similar interest!

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Tips

Be yourself! You shouldn’t have to change yourself to make a new friend

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Remember that boys are people, too. Boys are often nervous when befriending girls, as well.

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Warnings

Be upfront about your feelings. If your intentions are only to becoming friends (and nothing more), be clear from the beginning. Confusing or mixed signals could ruin a potentially great friendship. If your feelings towards him change, be honest--your friendship may turn into something more!

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