Q&A for How to Deal With a Manipulative Person

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  • Question
    How do you outsmart a manipulator?
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    This isn't a particularly productive way to think about this. If someone is being manipulative, your goal should probably be to either ignore their behavior, or call it out for what it is. It's not especially smart to try and respond to manipulation by being a better manipulator.
  • Question
    Why are people manipulative?
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
    Allison Broennimann, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    It's extremely rare for someone to just be manipulative for no reason. Typically, people develop manipulative behaviors because of how they were raised, or because of their experiences in other relationships. It's not like they're just being cruel on purpose. They may not even know they're being manipulative.
  • Question
    I have a daughter who has informed many of the people I have known in life nasty things about me. My daughter is even doing it with her husband to the extent he will ask if she is alright when she is with me.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    You may need to confront your daughter directly and let her know that you do not appreciate this type of behavior. Be sure to set consequences regarding your future relations with her if she continues behavior that is unacceptable to you.
  • Question
    How do I stop a gaslighter?
    Lena Dicken, Psy.D
    Lena Dicken, Psy.D
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California.
    Lena Dicken, Psy.D
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    To stand up to someone who's gaslighting you, you have to stand up for yourself and say, "No, you're wrong, this isn't about me. It's about your behavior." Doing this requires a sense of confidence and self-assuredness. You have to really believe that your feelings are valid.
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