What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need Quiz
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QuestionHow can you tell a fake friend?
Katie StyzekKatie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
School CounselorThink about the way your friend acts. A true friend will never say or do anything that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. -
QuestionHow do you start a new group of friends?Katie StyzekKatie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
School CounselorThere are many small ways you can start to make new friends. For example, you could ask a classmate to study with you, join a club, or volunteer outside of school. -
QuestionOne of the friends in our group left a few months ago and came back. Now I want to leave, but I'm scared everyone will think I'm copying her. What should I do?
Community AnswerSo what if they think you're copying her? They aren't your friends any more if you want to move on from them. -
QuestionMy friends think I'm stupid for thinking I'm excluded. They don't invite me and last time I was with them, I was ignored. It's like me being around doesn't matter. Am I the one in the wrong?
Community AnswerReal friends listen to what you have to say and at least try to include you. There is nothing wrong with you, they just aren't good friends. Tell them again that you feel left out, whether they realize it or not, and tell them you are done being ignored. If they think you're crazy, just leave. Wasting your time with bad friends is going to make you miserable and unhappy. Find better friends. -
QuestionWhat if I just want to leave a group because of their negativity, but don't want to hurt their feelings? They care about me, but they're just not making me happy.
Community AnswerYou should always surround yourself with people that you feel comfortable with and that make you feel good about yourself. Have a talk with your friends about why you're leaving the group, and how their actions have affected your friendship. Maybe they'll change their ways after the talk and you can still be friends, even if you're not as close as you were before.
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QuestionHow do I leave without creating drama if everyone talks behind everyone else's backs?
Community AnswerThere isn't really a way to do it without causing drama; just don't hangout with those people. Make new friends if you already know they're talking about you behind your back.Those aren't your real friends. -
QuestionThere is a friend of mine who I find very clingy, to an overly annoying degree. They are always depressed but at the same they're my friend. What do I do?
Community AnswerHave a mature conversation with them and tell them everything that you're going through. If they are really your friend, then they would understand and try to change. Also, if they are depressed, you should be there for them and listen to their problems and see if you can help.
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QuestionMy friend constantly belittles me and insinuates she can do anything at all better than I can. What do I do?
Community AnswerSometimes, you just need to let go. It isn't easy, but you can't have people bringing you down or excluding you.
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QuestionIs it bad that I want to leave my friends because they're not smart? My mom is always telling me to surround myself with successful people, and they aren't really that.
Tom De BackerTop AnswererFriendships are about both giving and receiving. A professional network of successful people gives you the benefits your mom is talking about. But friends you are free to choose. Also, sometimes, friendships just happen; you meet people, you like them and you say: that's my kind of friend, no matter how smart or successful they are. Finally, some friends are more successful than you, and help you along, others are less successful and you help them along. -
QuestionWhat if I ended a friendship because I was having a lot of problems, but now I'd like to be friends again?
Community AnswerApologize to your friend and explain what happened. You don't have to give details if it's too personal, just say "I'm sorry for neglecting our friendship, I had a lot going on, but I'd like it if we could be friends again."
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QuestionI have a group of friends, my only friends in the area. They always exclude me. As an extrovert, what should I do?
Tom De BackerTop AnswererIt's a bit strange that they are your friends, but also exclude you. It's a huge task to confront them all at once, and it would only lead to fights, arguments, tears and frustration. So perhaps divide and conquer? Work from the assumption that they are still your friends and that this is all in your head, and talk to one or two of them about how you feel. Suggest hanging out with just a few of you, and do that with each of them. Don't be overbearing, though, and listen to how they are feeling.
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QuestionA girl is rude to everyone in my group and we all don't like her, she is only nice to one girl and is constantly copying her and is pushing us out. The only girl she is nice to doesn't notice her act.
Community AnswerLeave. Stop hanging out with her. Tell your other friends to stop hanging out with her too. Tell the friend that she's nice to exactly why you don't want to be around this girl anymore, and let her decide for herself what she wants to do. When the mean girl realizes all her friends are gone, she might learn a valuable lesson about her behavior.
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QuestionBecause of my friends, I tried alcohol once but since I am a student I do not want to continue it, but they force me a lot and the group pressure is very hard to handle. What do I do?
Community AnswerFind new friends who won't pressure you and have the same values as you.
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QuestionMy friend is gossiping about me. I want to break off all contact with her, but don't know how to do that without breaking off contact with all my other friends. What should I do?
Community AnswerMake new friends or confront her about it. See if you can fix the issue before giving up on your friendship. -
QuestionI want to leave my group of friends. I feel excluded and they never invite me out, but I don't know if anyone else will accept me into their group and I don't want no friends at all! What should I do?
Community AnswerSomeone else will accept you. Probably lots of people will. Just start gradually spending less time with your current group, while slowly introducing yourself to someone else who seems nice, or a few different people. Keep your options open, and just be yourself. You'll find plenty of new friends.
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QuestionIf I'm on the 'Create a Group' page, how do I get back to my contacts page without creating a group?
Community AnswerPress 'cancel' and you should be returned to your contacts page.
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QuestionThere was some badmouthing in class about my group. What do I do?
Community AnswerTell an adult/teacher you trust, and let him/her deal with it. Let the adults handle it.
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QuestionI managed to leave my friend group with my best friend, but one of the people who unintentionally but negatively affected me most came with us, and my best friend LOVES being around her, any help?
Community AnswerPinpoint exactly how they are negatively affecting you. If it is simply that you don't like this person, I would suggest simply leaving the situation alone. There will always be people whose company you don't enjoy, and practicing handling people like this in a setting with a person who is a big support for you is a good idea. If is is something more serious, like smoking, cursing, alcohol, etc., confront your good friend about it and see if you can work together to come up with a compromise. If all else fails, find time to hang out with your friend without this other person.
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QuestionI'm in a big group of friends. I don't really enjoy hanging out with them. On my birthday every one of them gave me notebooks, which is not very thoughtful. How should I leave the group? Will the new group like me?
Community AnswerIf you don't want to be in the group anymore, just slowly start spending less time with them and more time with another group, or even just another person or two. If it's a big group, and there are a few people that you do still really like, you could always just hang out on the periphery with those people. However, really think this through first. Maybe they all thought the notebooks were a great gift. If this is the only thing that's bothering you, you might be being a little unreasonable. It was nice of them to get you a gift at all.
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QuestionI left my group of "friends" because they were boring and inappropriate. Is that okay?
Community AnswerIf you were polite about it, that's perfectly fine. People change and grow overtime, it's normal for friendships to end as people drift apart. You can still be civil, say "hello" when you see them, and so forth, but you don't need to continue being close with people you're no longer compatible with.
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QuestionI love my group, but one girl always snaps at me and makes me feel stupid. I don't want to leave my group, but they all like her. I feel alone and sad. What should I do?
Community AnswerYou should confront this one girl and tell her that you are not OK with her snapping at you and making you feel stupid. If you feel like you can't talk to any of the other girls in your group, that means that you don't trust them very much. It doesn't sound like they are being good friends to you -- maybe this means it's time to find a new group of friends.
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QuestionI want to leave my friend group, but they all mean a lot to me. It’s just that two of the girls make me a worse person when I’m around them, one in particular because she’s belittling and passive aggressive. What should I do?
Community AnswerHave you talked to your other friends about this? They may feel the same. You shouldn't have to lose them because of immature behavior. I understand how difficult it can be, but have you thought about confronting these girls, or talking to them about this? If it doesn't work out and you lose friends over it, then maybe they aren't the right people for you! Changes in friendships and friends happen many many times through your life and it can be scary. But if you stay true to yourself and always try to do the right thing, then you will always come out okay.
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QuestionWhat do I do when my so called friends are telling secrets in front of me but saying "Could you like leave?". They do this a lot and it's so annoying! I want to leave group but I don't want to sit alone.
Lael Malouange YetnaCommunity AnswerYou've already answered your problem with your "so called friends" in wanting to leave them. So, if this friendship doesn't add any value to your life, as they don't really see you as being close enough to hearing these secrets, then just slowly phase them out. Sitting by yourself at lunch is more rewarding then sitting in the company of snakes. But before you move on, try to voice your annoyance if they dismiss you and if it makes no difference, then take drastic measures! -
QuestionI've been with a group of friends for a long time, but the leader of the group has started treating me badly. I think very highly of her, but I can't ignore how she's been treating me. What do I do?
Community AnswerTalk to her about it (alone). Let her know how you've been feeling, and tell her specifically what she's doing that upsets you. Tell her that you really value her friendship, but that you refuse to be treated this way. If she doesn't apologize and change her behavior, find better friends.
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QuestionMy friends have cut out two girls in the group. I feel bad about it, and still hang out with those girls. Now the rest of them hate me for it. I tried to fight back, but failed. What should I do?
Community AnswerA true friend would never tell you who to hang out with, and unless they had a really good reason, it was cruel of them to cut out the other two girls. You should find some nicer friends.
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QuestionI'm in a group of friends in a very small school. They are constantly making me feel bad, but I have no other friends and as I said, it's a small school. I'm going to high school soon, should I wait?
Community AnswerIf they aren't good friends then you're wasting your time. Try talking to some of your classmates in lessons that maybe you haven't spoken to before, this should allow to make friends outside of your group. If this isn't possible, persevere until high school and then do your absolute best to make new friends and leave behind the unhelpful ones. (Tip: just don't act too desperate for friends, it has a tendency to put others off.)
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QuestionAll my friends will be my friends only when they are bored. Otherwise they pretend that I don't exist or bully me to impress others. I'm not included, but not allowed to leave. Help?
Community AnswerThere is no plausible scenario where you would be "not allowed" to leave a friend group like this. They are not your friends. Stop wasting your time with them. Meet new people who will be nicer to you. If you mean that you're in a place with these people, like school, where you're not allowed to leave, talk to an adult about the way you're being treated (a teacher, guidance counselor, etc.), or just start ignoring these lousy friends.
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QuestionWhat if I have no friends outside of the group? I don't like interacting with new people, and only know a select few friends outside of that group.
Community AnswerThat's cool, I am the same way. There's nothing wrong with it. If you really don't want to try socializing with others than you can try to find something to occupy yourself so that you don't seem lost, i.e go on your phone, read a book, sleep, anything... But not having a lot of friends doesn't mean your weird or anything it just means you are very selective about who you become friends with.
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QuestionMy parents use my friends as examples and use me hanging out with my friends against me. I'd like to leave my online and irl friends.They're good friends yes but I have to leave them. How do i explain?
Community AnswerWell, I don't think you should leave them, but that's not what you want to hear, so I'll answer your question. You can talk to them privately, just sit down and say "I love you all so much, but my parents make it really hard on me to stay close. I can't be in a friend group anymore without feeling tormented by them, but we can still talk at school."
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QuestionMy friends are lovely people. I want to hang round with different people, but still stay close to some of them. How do I do so?
Tom De BackerTop AnswererIt's not an either/or situation, you can simply do both. Keep spending time with these close friends while also starting up small conversations with new people; see what they are like, get to know them, let them get to know you. Before you know it, friendships will grow. Moreover, include your current friends in this project. Let them know that you talked to this or that person and you found it interesting to include them in your new interactions.
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