How to React to a Guy's Flirting

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: April 12, 2024 References

It’s hard to know what to do when a guy flirts with you. First, you need to decide what you want out of the situation. You may or may not want this guy’s attention, and you’ll need to make clear which it is. If you don’t want the attention, you'll need to define those boundaries with him.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Encouraging Him If You Are Interested

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1
Pay attention to him. If you are interested, make yourself approachable by smiling and laughing at his jokes.^{[1]
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Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Put down your phone, and make eye contact while you are talking. You're not just being superficial. Rather, you're showing him you're interested in him, just as he's interested in you.^{[2]
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- Also, the brain perceives the smiles of other people as a reward. In other words, when you smile at someone, their brain processes that as a reward. If you want to encourage someone who's flirting with you, a smile is a good place to start.^{[3]
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Open up the conversation. If he's just smiling at you, don't be afraid to say hello if you want to talk to him more. If he’s asking you questions, respond in such a way that leaves room for more conversation. You want to open the conversation, so he understands that you find him interesting.
- One way to encourage him to start talking is to ask him his opinion about something. For instance, ask what he thinks of the restaurant, what he's eating, or even a question about the team playing on television behind you.
- Make questions open-ended. Asking a simple yes-or-no question will get you a simple yes-or-no answer. An open ended question requires more than a simple yes or no to answer it. For instance, asking "Do you like the wine?" is a yes-or-no question. Asking "What do you like about that wine?" requires that he provide a deeper answer.
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Give him a compliment. If he’s been flirting with you, he’s most likely said some nice things to you, so return the favor. Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves, and guys are no exception. Plus, giving him a compliment back lets him know you're interested.
- Keep it honest. Try to look for something you can sincerely compliment him on, and make it specific. For example, "You're handsome," is pretty general. "Your smile lights up the room," is much more specific.
- Don't stick to just good looks. Complimenting his brain can be just as flirtatious.^{[4]
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  Laura Bilotta
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  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} For example, you could say, "What an insightful comment. You seem like a really smart guy."
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Try to keep the conversation going. It's not enough just to open up the conversation. You also have a responsibility to help keep it going. If you keep talking, you show you're interested in his flirting and him as a potential date.
- Try digging a little deeper. Ask about what interests him. See if he has any interesting hobbies or if he has pets.
- Ask about his job or what he likes to do outside of work. Use anything to keep the conversation going.^{[5]
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Don't forget your body language. As your showing interest, your body says a lot about how you feel, too. If you like someone, you will probably use some unconscious body language to tell the person that, but you can also be conscious of what your body is saying, too.^{[6]
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- For instance, you don't want to use closed-off body language, such as crossing your arms or legs and turning your body away from the person.
- Leaning in, touching the other person, adopting open body language, and smiling are all ways of encouraging interest.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Discouraging Him If You Aren’t Interested

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Take no action at all. If he is subtlety flirting with you, not overtly enough to warrant a direct “yes” or “no,” simply don’t flirt back. Continue to be polite, but don’t give him any special attention that he may take as a green light. Most flirting is subtle, so ignoring it won't necessarily seem like a snub to most people.^{[7]
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- Include other people in the conversation whenever possible. If he tries to talk only to you, ask someone else’s opinion, bringing them into the conversation.
- Don’t accept free items from him that he isn’t giving everyone else. For instance, if he offers to buy you a drink, say you need to stop anyway.
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Use closed body language. If you want to use open body language to flirt with someone, you want to do the opposite to discourage him. For instance, cross your arms and look in another direction. Move your body so it's not facing him.^{[8]
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- In addition, don't smile at him, as that will encourage more flirting. You don't need to scowl at him, but make sure you aren't giggling and laughing at him, as he'll take that as you flirting back.
3
Just say no. It’s like ripping off a bandaid. You don’t want to do it, but it’s the fastest way to get the situation over with. Be polite and concise. Just say you simply aren’t interested. It’s much kinder than stringing him along. ^{[9]
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- Try saying something like, “Thanks so much for asking me out, but I think it’s only fair to say I’m not interested in you that way.”
- Keep it short and too the point. Don’t give an elaborate explanation, and don’t leave any loopholes. Saying things like, “I already have plans tonight,” or “I was just leaving,” only give him the impression that you might have been interested otherwise, and maybe he should try again another time.
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Tell a little white lie. If you don't know the guy very well, tell a white lie that lets you off the hook.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Doing so will help you let him down easy, as it won't come off as much of a rejection. Again, always be polite yet firm when letting him down, so there are no mixed signals.^{[11]
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- Say you already have a boyfriend. You can only use this one if it isn’t someone close to you who will find out you are lying.
- You can also say you aren’t looking for a relationship right now. Again, this fib can only be used if you aren’t close to the guy and he can’t easily find out you lied. You should also make sure you don’t leave wiggle room or suggest that you might be interested in the near future.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Rejecting Him If He’s Too Persistent

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Find a friend. Sometimes, he simply won’t leave you alone. If you’ve tried discouraging him and it simply isn’t working, find a friend to delve into a conversation with or leave with. This tactic works best with a guy friend, as the flirter may assume he's your boyfriend.^{[12]
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- If he won’t stop monopolizing the conversation, say, “It was great talking with you, but I really need to catch up with my friend.” Then leave and go to your friend.
- If possible, let your friend know what is going on so they won’t unknowingly leave you in a bad spot by leaving without you or slipping off to the bathroom at an inopportune time.
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State the facts. If you’ve tried discouraging him, but he keeps pretending as if those things didn’t happen, lay it out. You’ve been polite, now it’s time to err on the side of crystal clear, even if it comes off as blunt. In other words, just tell him, "no," and reiterate why you can't be with him.^{[13]
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- Give a brief outline of what has been going on. Say something like, “You’ve been asking me on dates and saying suggestive things, and I’ve done my best to not encourage that. I told you I'm not interested in any relationship right now, but you keep trying to get me alone. Please stop. I’m not interested.”
- Tell him in a public place. If he’s not taking "no" for an answer and you want him to stop, don’t allow yourself to be anywhere alone with him. You definitely want to think of safety first.
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Make a scene. If the situation is escalating and you are concerned about your safety, loudly say "no," and tell him you want him to leave you alone. Tell your friends what is happening. Walk away, and join your friends.^{[14]
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- Don’t take this step lightly. Read the situation and decide whether or not you’ve already made yourself clear in other ways and whether or not you are in danger.
- Be prepared for the fact that he might play innocent or call you crazy.
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Involve security, the police, or management. If you feel your safety is threatened, don't hesitate to call security. If you are in a place that doesn't have security, call the police, then talk to the management.^{[15]
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- It's important to put your safety first. If the guy is getting hostile or you think he might hurt you, it's important to get out of there and involve other people.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I keep the conversation going when I am on a date?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Make it a priority to ask questions and be curious about your date. The more you're able to listen to them, the better you'll be able to forge a connection and feel comfortable around them. If you're shy, try coming up with some conversation topics ahead of time for when there's a lull in the conversation.

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What if you like him and he likes you, but he won't show it?

Community Answer

You may need to make the first move. Try flirting with him or just starting a conversation!

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What do I do when I guy I used to like calls me when he didn't even have my number?

Community Answer

Answer the phone, and ask him why he's calling. Then, decide whether you want to keep talking to him or not. If you still like him, continue talking. If you want him to stop calling, tell him you're not interested and hang up. If he keeps calling, you may need to block his number.

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Tips

Don’t feel guilty if you aren’t interested. A good guy will understand. You should never go out with someone because you were too polite to say no.

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Whenever possible, be genuine and honest. If you end up having a lasting relationship, you won’t want him to eventually find out that you lied to him the night you met.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If you're not interested you can say so kindly and directly. You could even say something like, "I'm flattered, but I'm actually seeing someone." If he acts rude or pushy, however, you don't have to be polite or entertain his attentions.
If a guy flirts with you but nothing ever comes of it, don't beat yourself up about it. Some guys just flirt for fun, and it's much better to be with someone who really likes you and sees how special you are.
If a guy seems interested in you, just keep being yourself and don't change anything. If he likes you already, he should continue to like you for exactly who you are!

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