What's My Friendship Style?

Take this quiz to find out!

Did you know that the way you connect and make friends can say a lot about you socially? Well, it can!

Your friendship style is all about how you connect with other people socially. You might be a shy wallflower who likes to keep to themselves, an outgoing butterfly who craves frequent socialization, a sturdy evergreen who values deep connections, or a bright firefly who likes to space out social interactions. Answer these questions about your everyday social life to find out where you fall on the friendship style scale!

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Questions Overview

1. You’re invited to a party last minute. What do you do?
  1. Call a friend right away to help me plan an outfit. No way I’m missing it!
  2. Check my calendar. Maybe I’ll go if I’m not busy tomorrow.
  3. Text the group chat to see who else is going. If I go, I want to know someone there.
  4. Say I can’t go. I’m already cozy and ready to unwind from the day.
2. When something exciting happens in your life, what’s the first thing you do?
  1. Post about it on social media, duh!
  2. Message the group chat, of course!
  3. Call my bestie. We’ll have to celebrate together!
  4. Treat myself! Maybe I’ll go out for ice cream or buy a new outfit.
3. What’s your ideal weekend evening look like?
  1. Going out on the town and meeting as many people as possible.
  2. Seeing a movie or theater show with a group of like-minded people.
  3. Sitting around a campfire chatting with close friends.
  4. Lounging on the couch and watching TV in my PJs.
4. What types of conversations do you crave most?
  1. Ones fun and lighthearted. I love small talk.
  2. Ones deep and insightful. I want to know people’s hearts.
  3. Ones meaningful and invigorating. I crave deeper connections.
  4. Ones genuine and quick. I appreciate that less is more.
5. How would your best friends describe you?
  1. Outgoing and talkative
  2. Fun but realistic
  3. Friendly but reserved
  4. Shy but attentive
6. A friend comes to you for support. How do you likely react?
  1. “I don’t know. I’m not the best at advice. Just do whatever.”
  2. “Honey, that sounds awful. Tell me more.”
  3. “Based on what happened in the past, you should probably…”
  4. “I’m always here to listen.”
7. You’re planning a get-together at your place. What does it look like?
  1. A total smasher! There will be loud music and good food. Everyone will bring a plus one!
  2. Something relatively big. But only friends and family members I know can be there.
  3. Something small. Maybe a movie night for just my closest friends.
  4. A get-together? That doesn’t sound like something I’d do.
8. What does your calendar look like?
  1. Girl, it’s jam-packed with social activities!
  2. Pretty busy. My weekends are booked with fun social outings.
  3. Fairly empty. But my besties and I don’t schedule when we hang out.
  4. Vacant. I like keeping things quiet and relaxed.
9. How often do you lean on your friends for support?
  1. Never! I can lean on myself.
  2. Sometimes. It depends on who I’m chatting with.
  3. All of the time! My friends are my lifeline.
  4. Not very often. There’s only a handful of people I can go to.
10. What’s your ideal social setting?
  1. Anywhere! I make friends everywhere I go.
  2. A friend’s party. I like meeting friends of friends.
  3. A small get-together at my bestie’s. I want to hang out with my people only.
  4. Being alone. I don’t do social settings (if I can help it).
11. What would you say is your biggest strength as a friend?
  1. Being able to make anyone smile
  2. Having deep, eye-opening conversations
  3. Remembering details about others
  4. Being a good listener
12. When it comes to making friends, are you picky?
  1. Nope! Everyone I meet is a friend!
  2. Not really. I can open up to just about anyone.
  3. Sometimes. But that’s because I have such close friends already.
  4. Absolutely. I’m very selective about who’s in my inner circle.

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What Are Friendship Styles?

Friendship or social styles describe how you interact and thrive in social settings. In other words, your friendship style determines what type of connections you crave. Author Kasley Killam, MPH outlined the 4 social styles in her book The Art and Science of Connection. The styles go beyond being introverted or extroverted and focus on the types of conversations people seek and how they recharge their “social batteries.”

So, what are the styles? The 4 friendship styles are:

  • Butterfly: A person who thrives with frequent social interaction and doesn’t enjoy spending time alone.
  • Firefly: A person who enjoys social engagements, but needs time alone to recharge.
  • Evergreen: A person who values deep connections with close friends most.
  • Wallflower: A person who’s shy but attentive and craves time alone.

Killam’s theory on friendship styles became mainstream in June 2024 after The New York Times published an online quiz that would determine a person’s style.

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