Should We Break Up?

Take this quiz to find out!

You aren’t feeling super happy or comfortable in your relationship—but is it really time to end things, or are you two just going through a rough patch? It’s not always easy to view your relationship through a clear and objective lens, especially if you’ve been together for a while.

While the future of your relationship is ultimately in your hands, you’re not alone as you wrestle with this tough question. Hit “Start Quiz” to get a second opinion on the status of your relationship—and whether it’s worth sticking things out or not.

A man and woman sit on a couch, both looking upset and facing away from each other with arms crossed.

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Questions Overview

1. Describe your current relationship in a single word:
  1. Suffocating.
  2. Difficult.
  3. Lackluster.
  4. Healthy.
2. Picture yourself 10 years from now. Is your current partner in the picture?
  1. Definitely not! I can’t see myself sharing a life with them.
  2. Doubtful. I can’t imagine our relationship lasting that long.
  3. Possibly. Things are a little rough right now.
  4. Definitely! We’ll work through whatever challenges come our way.
3. Do you feel like you can really be yourself when you’re with your SO?
  1. Not at all. It’s like I have no sense of identity around them.
  2. Not really. A lot of times, it’s like I’m putting on a show.
  3. Sometimes. It really depends on the day.
  4. Definitely. We both accept each other for who we are.
4. Do you feel happier when you picture yourself as single?
  1. Absolutely! Anything is better than what I have now.
  2. A little bit. The idea of being single does sound nice.
  3. Not really. I don’t think I want to be single.
  4. Definitely not! I’m very happy and content in my current relationship.
5. Do you both have similar long-term goals?
  1. Nope—we both want completely different things.
  2. We used to, but not so much anymore.
  3. Kind of! It’s hard to say sometimes.
  4. We definitely have similar long-term goals.
6. How do you feel after a day of spending time with your partner?
  1. Weary. It’s so hard to be around them.
  2. Unsatisfied. It almost felt like I was playing a part.
  3. Meh—not especially great, but not bad, either.
  4. Happy. I love spending quality time with them!
7. Does your relationship feel balanced?
  1. Not at all! It feels like I’m always giving and they’re always taking.
  2. Not really. I feel like I seem to put a little more work into the relationship.
  3. Sometimes. It doesn’t feel consistently balanced, though.
  4. Absolutely! There’s a pretty even amount of give and take.
8. With 1 being “not at all” and 10 being “a lot,” how much does your partner appreciate you?
  1. 1-3. It’s like I don’t even exist.
  2. 4-5. Their moments of appreciation are rare.
  3. 6-8. They appreciate me sometimes, but not quite enough.
  4. 9-10. I feel really loved and cherished in my relationship.
9. On average, how many times do you fight each week?
  1. Several times a day.
  2. At least once a day.
  3. Once or twice a week.
  4. Once or twice a month.
10. Do you feel comfortable interacting with them from day to day?
  1. No. Everything feels tense and uncomfortable.
  2. Not really. I try to grin and bear it, though.
  3. Kind of? Some days are better than others.
  4. Yes. I definitely feel comfortable around my partner.
11. Do you fantasize about dating someone else?
  1. All the time.
  2. More often than not.
  3. Occasionally, but only on really bad days.
  4. Never.
12. Do you think that there’s any hope for your relationship?
  1. Nope—there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
  2. There might be, but I’m not sure.
  3. Probably. Things aren’t great, but they’re not that bad.
  4. Absolutely! I think my relationship has lots of potential.
13. Do you feel that you get space or time to yourself within this relationship?
  1. No—they always need to be with me.
  2. I feel like I get too much space, if anything.
  3. Sometimes, but it depends.
  4. Yes, I get a perfect amount of space and time to myself.
14. Do you feel like you have lost your identity in this relationship?
  1. Very much so! I’ve lost a sense of who I am.
  2. I would say so. I don’t completely know who I am.
  3. I’ve somewhat lost my identity or sense of self.
  4. Nope—I feel like myself.
15. Are there things that you haven't communicated to your partner yet that could positively impact the relationship?
  1. Yes, there are many things that I could communicate to them that I haven't yet.
  2. Yes, there are some things that still need to be communicated.
  3. Possibly, but I’m not quite sure.
  4. No, they know everything they need to do.

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When It’s Time to Walk Away

Relationship issues aren’t always cut and dry—so how are you supposed to know when things are worth saving? While each and every relationship is different, there are a few key red flags to be on the lookout for.

Signs It’s Time to Break Up

  • Your relationship lacks trust. Healthy relationships are built on a sense of trust and assurance that both partners will stay true to their word. If this sense of trust and mutual respect has completely eroded away, it might be time to call it quits.[1]
  • You don’t have the same long-term goals and values. Maybe your partner really wants to move to the suburbs and raise a family, while you don’t have any desire to be a parent. If you both want seriously different things out of life, you might be better off parting ways.[2]
  • Your relationship is unbalanced. All relationships have some balance of giving and taking—but in your case, it feels like you’re doing all of the giving. If your partner isn’t willing to make some sacrifices, it could be worth breaking up.
  • You have an on-again/off-again relationship. Lovers one day, exes the next—the only thing consistent about your relationship is how tumultuous it is. Instead of sticking things out, it could be worth breaking things off for good (or at least identifying why the relationship never seems to last).[3]
  • You aren’t interested in the relationship anymore. Sometimes, people grow out of their relationships, which is completely okay and valid. If you just don’t feel the same sense of love and care for your partner, it could be worth cutting ties.[4]
  • Your relationship is abusive. No one ever deserves to be physically or emotionally abused. If you suspect that your partner is abusing you, begin taking steps to leave the relationship. Always call 911 if you’re in danger, or call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 if you need extra support.[5]

Tips for Breaking Things Off

  • Use “I” statements to express yourself. “I” statements allow you to express your feelings without pinning blame on your partner. Best of all, “I” statements give you the freedom to own your experiences and take action for yourself. A good example could be “I don’t feel like my needs are being met in this relationship, and I think I need a break.”
  • End things in person. Break-up conversations are never fun, but they deserve to be delivered in person (or in the very least, over video chat or phone). Give yourself the space to share your feelings verbally—and, as scary as it is, give your ex-partner the freedom to do the same.[6]
  • Set boundaries for the future. Hold your ground if your ex has a tough time letting go of the relationship. Explain that you aren’t interested in calling or texting them—and if they still don’t get the hint, you’re well within your rights to block them.

Want to learn more?

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References

  1. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
  2. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/think-act-be/202211/24-signs-relationship-is-likely-end
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/think-act-be/202211/24-signs-relationship-is-likely-end
  5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship
  6. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship

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    Sep 25

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