How to Remain Unaffected by Others

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW

Last Updated: January 20, 2024 References

Believe it or not, you don't have to let other people affect how you feel! We can show you how to create some emotional distance so you can keep your peace no matter what's happening around you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Changing Your Reactions

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Try to see the other person's perspective. Oftentimes, others aren’t aware of how they affect you. They are usually so involved with themselves that they don’t stop to think how their behaviors or opinions impact others. To keep from being so affected by them, switch perspectives. Step into their shoes for a moment.^{[1]
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- For instance, if someone snaps at you when you offer a solution to a problem, think about what they may be trying to convey instead of dwelling on their rude behavior.
- Maybe you jumped into fixing things without validating their emotional experience. Maybe the person snaps at everyone because they don’t like getting constructive feedback.
Sometimes people that you perceive as negative are intentionally trying to get a reaction from you. If this is the case, the best course of action is to simply smile, dismiss them, and move on. Don't give them the satisfaction of providing them with a strong, negative reaction. Being unaffected is the most powerful response in these cases.

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Stand strong in your beliefs. Just because someone disagrees with you, doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Disagreement is necessary for people to grow and change. Don’t fall into the habit of doubting your beliefs or decisions simply because someone else found a problem with them.^{[2]
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- Take a stand if someone is always pressing you to change your beliefs. A simple “My mind is made up on this subject” should do the trick.
- At the same time, don’t be afraid to open your ears to differing opinions or relax your beliefs to consider new possibilities.
4
Talk it out with someone you trust. Stewing inwardly about someone who insulted you or disagreed with you only makes the problem worse. One way to stop letting others affect you is to stop holding it in. Go to your best friend or a close relative and tell them what happened.
- Talking to someone else about it helps you release the negative energy. Plus, speaking about it aloud may help you to see that it’s actually not that big of a deal.^{[3]
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- To limit the negativity, give yourself a time-frame, like 10 minutes, to vent. Then, put it away once the time has passed.
- Be mindful of complaining to a loved one about a mutual friend. It's best to go to an unbiased third party.
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Develop confidence by making more decisions. You might be easily affected by others because you don’t have confidence in yourself or your ideas. The more decisions you make on your own, the more confident and empowered you will feel.^{[4]
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- Start small by making a minor decision without seeking any outside input. Perhaps you might select an outfit to wear to an important event without getting feedback from a friend. Gradually make tougher decisions like deciding on a travel destination or picking a career path.
- Of course, you don’t have to make these decisions completely on your own. It’s smart to do your research and bounce ideas off others. The key here is to not let others decide for you.
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Start a daily worry period. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be un-disturbable, things others say or do affect you. Still, you have control over how and when you let it affect you. When someone ruffles your feathers, put it away until a later time, until your worry period. Then, review these incidents and decide how to proceed.^{[5]
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- For example, if a friend makes a snide comment, you might mentally file it away instead of reacting right then. During your worry period, reassess the comment and think about how it made you feel. Then, empower yourself by brainstorming some ways to handle it
- You worry period should be about 15 to 20 minutes each day or as needed.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dealing with Negativity

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Stay alert against negative energy. Negative energy can be insidious, sneaking up on you when you least expect it. To prevent this from happening, stay in tune with yourself and notice when you are beginning to feel negative. Here are some signs negativity is getting the best of you.^{[6]
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- You dwell on negative events.
- You talk about frustrating people over and over again.
- You hold yourself back for fear of their opinions of you.
- You shout and argue with them or act outside of your values.
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Set firm personal boundaries. Boundaries are a must in all relationships, but they are a life-saver with toxic or negative people. If someone in your life brings you down with their behavior, verbalize your boundaries.
- You might say to a friend, “Gina, when you nag about your boyfriend, it brings down my energy. I understand you need to vent, but let’s try to have more positive discussions than negative ones, okay?”
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Counter negativity with more positive activities. Buffering yourself before a negative encounter works, too. It’s sort of like washing your hands regularly to cut down on germs. You can fill your life with positive activities to protect yourself from the negative ones.^{[7]
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- For example, if a friend tends to nag and complain, you might hang out with someone really upbeat, listen to positive music, or read a happy article before visiting them.
- You could also challenge your friend to say something positive after they offer a negative statement. Try saying, "Now tell me the best thing that happened in your day."
4
"Reset" a negative day with napping or meditation. Remember when you were a kid and your parent would put you down for a nap when you became fussy or upset? Follow the same principle when it comes to negativity. Don’t let bad vibes swallow your whole day. Press the reset button.
- You might actually take a short nap if you have time for it. However, other ways to reset your day might include meditating for a few minutes, taking a walk outside, or breaking to watch a funny video.^{[8]
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Practice recognizing what you have to be grateful for. Gratitude is a wonderful way to maintain perspective and keep negativity at bay. It’s especially effective when you’re around people who complain a lot. Take time each day to list the things that worked out well or that you are thankful for.^{[9]
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- You might list things like “I have heat on this cold day” or “My teacher liked my history essay.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Learning to Stay Calm

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Create mental space between you and others. You have a choice about how you respond to others, so choose not to take things so personally. Create a mental space between you and the other person that limits knee-jerk reactions.^{[10]
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- Pause. Clearly imagine a boundary of water between you and others. Think of it as a peaceful harbor where your ship is docked. Remind yourself that you have the power to prevent other ships from passing by and unsettling your still waters.
2
Start a deep breathing practice. Breathing deeply is a good strategy for battling stress in the moment. Plus, reconnecting with your breath slows you down so that you can identify when you are letting others get to you. You can do it anywhere and at any time.
- Try the 4-7-8 deep breathing exercise. Simply breathe in deeply through your nose for about 4 counts. Hold the breath for 7 counts. Then, exhale slowly from your mouth for 8 counts. Repeat for several cycles.^{[11]
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Do a regular body scan. Even if you think you are in control of your reaction to others’ behavior, you may be holding tension in your body. A body scan can help you recognize where you are holding tension and release it. Practice this technique several times a day so it will feel second-nature to you.
- Go to a quiet place and find a comfortable seat. Start at your head or feet, moving throughout your entire body. Notice whether there is tension in each area—your toes, your ankles, your calves, your thighs, and so on. If you notice tension, breathe deeply and release it. Imagine it disappearing with each breath.^{[12]
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Chant positive affirmations silently. Positive affirmations can change the way you view yourself and the world. Plus, they can be great tools to help you reverse negative energy brought on by others. You don’t even have to say them aloud (although that does make them even more powerful). You can repeat these statements in your head without anyone being the wiser.^{[13]
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- Try saying something like “I am completely at peace in this moment.” Say it enough and you’ll actually start to feel peaceful!
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Get in touch with your spirituality. A strong connection with the spiritual world can help you find inner peace, which is important when you’re trying to develop emotional detachment from others. How you exercise your spirituality depends on your personal beliefs.^{[14]
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- You might pray, marvel at nature, read spiritual texts, do charitable works, or meditate. Find a practice that allows you to build a connection with the universe and practice it daily.

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