How to Fix a Ruined Reputation and Start Fresh: Expert Tips

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Learn how to make amends, own up to mistakes, & rebuild trust

Co-authored by Erin Conlon, PCC, JD and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: August 15, 2024 Fact Checked

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• Making Amends and Moving On
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• Building a Good Reputation
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• Making a Lasting Change in Your Life
|
• Video
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• Expert Q&A
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• Tips
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• Warnings

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It can take a lifetime to build a good reputation in your community or place of work, only for it to seemingly crumble to dust in an instant. It's really tough to come to terms with the fact that you have a bad reputation, but the good news is you can rebuild. To truly repair a bad reputation requires both changing your behavior and making amends to those you harmed in the past. We talked to several expert life coaches to find out exactly what you need to do to rebuild your reputation, whether in your personal or professional life.

Repairing a Tarnished Reputation

If you're suffering from a bad reputation, start by making things right with whoever was harmed so that everyone involved can move on. Deliver a sincere apology and won up to your actions. Then, focus on being the best person you can be. Make positive changes and people will see the good you do and forget the bad.

Steps

Section 1 of 3:

Making Amends and Moving On

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1. 1
   Take a break from social media and gossip circles. While things are still fresh, there will be people who won't let go of these ideas about you. It's going to be tough to move forward if you're worried about what they're going to think, so just shut it out for a while. With time, whatever you said or did will be forgotten.

   • Focus on the things you can change, not the things you can't. You might be able to help change what some people think about you, but not others—and that's okay.
   • Teen life coach Desiree Panlilio notes that this is the great thing about being in school, because summer breaks give you a chance to "really kind of change who [you] are and how people perceive [you]" while you don't have contact with anybody.
2. 2
   Take ownership of your actions. People will be much more likely to give you another chance if you're humble and take responsibility for what you've said or done that has caused people to think poorly of you. Face the situation head on and let people hear your side of the story. If you're calm, respectful, and genuinely concerned about what you can do to make things right, people will usually be willing to help you out.

   • If you choose to stay silent about the situation, you're just allowing the rumors to fly and imaginations to run wild. To repair your reputation, you need to be in the driver's seat.
   • Even if people don't believe you or want to support you, at least they've heard your side of the story. Keep it up and they might turn eventually and decide they've got your back too.
   • If someone is actively spreading rumors that are harming your reputation, talk to them first. It's best to turn off the faucet before you start mopping up.
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3. 3
   Apologize to anyone you've harmed. If anyone was hurt—even unintentionally—by something you said or did, making a sincere apology can go a long way toward repairing your reputation. Even if deep-down you believe that you were justified or that you've gained this bad reputation unfairly, people will respect that you're willing to admit when you were wrong.

   • An apology also lets the other person know that you understand why someone would feel the way they do about whatever you said or did. When people feel seen and heard, they're usually more likely to give you another chance.
4. 4
   Turn a negative into a positive. It could be that your bad reputation is actually a superpower in disguise! Try to look at it from a different perspective so that you can reframe it in a positive light, as a strength rather than a weakness.

   • For example, if you have a reputation for being promiscuous, you might say that you're sex-positive and in charge of your sexuality.
   • As another example, if you have a reputation at work for taking more time than other employees with each transaction, you might say that you take your time with each customer to make sure their needs are being met.
   • For life coach Karuna Jain, this is also about learning to be tolerant of your own weaknesses: "And [once] we have learned to be more tolerant of our weaknesses, then we will learn how to be tolerant of other people's weaknesses. And then you can build better relationships."
5. 5
   Share your positive outlook with others. Show those around you how they can look at what you've said or done from a different perspective or think about it in a different way. Some people might see this immediately, while others might need a little more convincing.

   • For example, even though you have a reputation for processing transactions slowly at work, your employer might appreciate that you have a significantly lower return rate as well as fewer follow-up support calls after the sale.
   • You likely won't be able to sway everyone's opinion but you might at least encourage them to look at things from another point of view.
6. 6
   Stand up for yourself if the stories aren't true. If your reputation has been tarnished by someone spreading lies about you, be assertive with others when you set the story straight. Set out your side of the story, complete with any evidence you might have. Be assertive in defending yourself, but stick to the facts—avoid insulting or demeaning the person who's been spreading the rumors.

   • Recognize that some people might not believe you at first, but if they see that you stick to your guns and your story never changes, they might come around to your side.
   • In this situation, being aggressive or belligerent won't do you any favors. If you find yourself getting heated and feel like you're going to lash out, take a few minutes to yourself to calm down and get control of your emotions.
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Section 2 of 3:

Building a Good Reputation

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1. 1
   Correct your behavior quickly and meaningfully. It's one thing to tell people that you're going to change—most people are probably thinking that they'll believe that when they see it. That's why you've got to show them! Act consistently to show that you're building different habits that will truly change your ways.

   • For example, if you have a reputation among your housemates for being selfish, you might start cleaning the kitchen for 15 minutes every day and making breakfast for everyone on weekends.
   • If your reputation was tarnished because of false gossip or rumors, you might not have any behavior to correct. What you might do instead is reconsider the people who you're letting get close to you.
   • Certified holistic life coach Wes Pinkston notes that "the most important thing is to realize why the bad reputation was created in the first place. Once you get to the source of the problem and bring awareness to it, then you begin the journey of building your new reputation one act at a time."
   • "Every day is a brand-new day," Pinkston continues, "and you have the option to choose how you will respond to each situation."
2. 2
   Volunteer to improve your community. There are a lot of benefits to volunteering, which makes it a great thing to do if you're trying to repair a bad reputation. It's also a great way to let people around you know about something that's important to you.

   • For example, if you love animals, you might volunteer at your local animal shelter. People will come to associate you with that cause and look up to you for doing your part.
   • If you're suffering a bad reputation because someone spread lies about you, volunteering can signify to people that you're above the fray. Taking the high road is a great way to get more people on your side.
   • Many employers have volunteer programs for their employees that can really help you out, especially if you're trying to repair your reputation at work specifically.
3. 3
   Use the situation to develop empathy. Now that you've been on this side of things, you know how it feels. Consider that perspective when you hear about other people who have a bad reputation—they might just be in need of a friend. Learn from your experience to be less judgmental and more empathetic to other points of view.

   • Jain notes that "if you learn to be more empathetic, then you can feel beyond the words, you can actually feel what the person is going through, and you can learn to sympathize, and then your judgment of that person becomes less by just tweaking a little thing within you."
   • This doesn't mean that you have to be friends with someone who's toxic or unkind to you. Sadly, some people's reputations are deserved.
4. 4
   Accomplish something that impresses others. It's true, people will probably forget all about your bad reputation if you suddenly win some major award or publish a book or buy a house. But at the same time, repairing a bad reputation isn't necessarily about making some big splash that distracts everyone from what they thought before. It's about giving people good things to replace the negative things.

   • The more positive memories you can make with people, the less they'll remember any negative memories they have. This is especially true if they only knew you by reputation before and now they know you more personally.
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Section 3 of 3:

Making a Lasting Change in Your Life

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1. 1
   Cut out people who encourage your bad tendencies. As you make changes in your life, you might find that you don't have as much in common with some people as you used to. In some cases, those people might even be the source of your problem. If you want to make lasting changes in your life and with your reputation, you may have to let those people go.

   • Even if you're able to rehabilitate your relationship, people might continue to have doubts about you if you're still hanging out with the same people you were before.
   • For example, if you have a bad reputation for drinking, you probably want to avoid hanging out at bars or with other people who tend to get rowdy.
2. 2
   Practice mindfulness to help you embrace change. Try meditation to get in the habit of living in the moment. Living in the present moment makes it easier for you to change because you're not as attached to the past. Old habits that are no longer serving you will fall away and your true, authentic self will emerge.

   • For Pinkston, this is an important part of building a new reputation: "If you are being mindful and doing your best, you can rest with a clear conscious at the end of the day."
   • If you do happen to make a mistake again, learn from it, own it, and start over again," Pinkston continues. "View your mistakes as learning lessons, not failures."
3. 3
   Identify your core values and live authentically. Journaling can help you figure out your core values and how you want to live for those values every day. If you let your core values guide you as you make decisions, you'll be living in a way that's true for you. This makes you someone reliable and trustworthy who other people want to be around.

   • If you live authentically, people will feel as though they really know you. This makes it a lot more difficult for anyone to try to spread nasty rumors or trash your reputation.
   • Executive life coach Erin Conlon notes that "there is an opportunity to start to relate to yourself as a powerful being who can make it through anything. And when you start to practice that kind of mindset...the idea of pleasing other people falls away and instead you're practicing pleasing yourself."
   • Jain cautions that "if you want to really make bigger changes... there are some underlying belief systems that need to be tweaked or changed."
   • "Your belief systems will create habits," Jain explains, "so that if you tweak the beliefs, then everything else changes after that."
   

   Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty

   Embrace your authentic self. "To me, being rare is about being comfortable with yourself. I’ve stopped trying to be perfect. I just want to be me."
4. 4
   Treat yourself with compassion and kindness. True lasting change isn't going to happen if you're beating yourself up for the mistakes you've made. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would treat your best friend if they were going through a similar situation.

   • Jain emphasizes that "everything has to start from within you first before you can manifest it in the outer world. If you can... learn to be more kind and compassionate towards yourself, then you would know how to be kind and compassionate towards somebody else."
   • True change is not a linear path. Even if you're committed to changing, you're still probably going to slip up occasionally, and that's okay! Have patience and look back at the overall progress you've made.
   • Remember that you can make things seem like a much bigger deal in your head than they actually are in real life. It's totally possible you're beating yourself up over something that barely even registered for anyone else.
5. 5
   Seek out professional help. As you embark on your journey to make lasting changes in your life, you might find that you could use a guide. Life coaches and therapists are there to help you understand why you do the things you do and change the things that you don't like about yourself.

   • You can develop strong patterns of behavior over time that are really hard to break down, but a professional can help.
   • Professionals also have tools and resources that can help you unpack the emotions surrounding the things that you do so that you can unravel those patterns and start creating newer, more positive patterns in their places.
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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  How can I turn my strengths into weaknesses?

  

  Dawn Smith-Camacho
  Career & Life Coach

  Dawn Smith-Camacho is the Owner of Whole Life Solutions, a business in which Dawn provides professional speaking on effective decision-making and navigating major changes for entrepreneurs and employees. She also supports individual coaching clients by identifying their core values, managing time, prioritizing, and honing in on their ideal path. Her clients include Vistage, UNICEF, the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Wedding Industry Professionals Association (WIPA), NACE, and Oracle.

  

  Dawn Smith-Camacho

  Career & Life Coach

  Expert Answer

  First, you need to figure out if they're really weaknesses, or if you've let other people change the way you see yourself. However, if you really do determine that it's something you need to change about yourself, try to build in something new and positive, rather than focusing on what you're lacking. For instance, if you need to be more motivated, you might set a goal that tomorrow, you're going to do 5 minutes of an activity that you don't want to do.

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Tips

• Have patience! It might seem like your reputation was destroyed in an instant, but it's going to take longer to rebuild it. Just focus on living your values and give it time.
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Warnings

• You can't always make things right. For some people, no apology will ever be good enough. In those cases, it's best to move on.
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