Signs Your Male Coworker Has a Secret Crush on You

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Figure out if he’s falling for you or just friendly

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: November 10, 2024 Fact Checked

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Is that guy at work checking you out, or are you imagining things? Is he fantasizing about you, or is he just being friendly? If you’re hoping he’s into you—or if you’re really hoping he isn’t—there are plenty of ways to tell if his feelings are platonic or romantic. Keep reading for the ultimate list of signals that your coworker is keeping a crush under wraps.

Things You Should Know

He probably likes you if he sits next to you in meetings, chooses you for his team, and sticks up for you in front of others.
If he’s attracted to you, he’ll send nonverbal cues like light touching, leaning in when you talk, and improving the way he dresses.
Your coworker likely has a crush if he loves talking to you, remembers small details about you, and compliments you.
He might be into you if he invites you to lunch, messages you outside of work, and wants to hang out.

1

He frequently shows up next to you.

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If he enjoys being near you, he might have romantic feelings for you. During meetings, he may casually slide into the chair next to yours while being careful not to look overly eager. Or maybe he takes detours by your desk. If he looks for opportunities to be close to you, it’s a good indicator that he has a crush.
- He doesn’t want to make it obvious, so he’ll always have some excuse to be there. Really, he needs to sharpen his pencil by your cubicle again? It’s crazy how they just keep breaking!
- Try this experiment: when he’s standing next to you, move to another area of the room. If he nonchalantly strolls over after a few minutes, there’s a good chance he wants to be near you because he has a secretly likes you.

2

He sticks up for you.

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If he's very supportive of you, it might be proof of romantic feelings. For example, if another employee is rude to you, he may call it out. Or if you totally rock a work assignment, he might praise you publicly. Of course, he won’t totally gush over you because he doesn’t want to shine a spotlight on his feelings. He builds you up in a low-key way, but it’s a clue that he admires you.^{[1]
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- If you decide to get romantically involved, experts recommend disclosing the relationship sooner rather than later. Otherwise, employees will re-examine interactions like these and feel suspicious about ulterior motives.^{[2]
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- Plus, many employers have policies that require you to tell HR (human resources) when you’re in a workplace relationship. Check your company’s handbook for more info. ^{[3]
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3

You’re his favorite person to talk to at work.

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^{[4]
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Research source} He’ll probably downplay his crush by opening the chat with a relevant work-related question, but it won’t be long before he branches off into other topics.^{[5]
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Research source} If your coworker loves talking with you but hasn’t asked you out yet, he might be trying to get a better read on whether you like him before he makes a move.

4

He comments on a change in your appearance.

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If he notices your new look, he might be checking you out. For example, if you switch your hairstyle he’ll instantly pick up on it. Or if you get new glasses, he'll point it out. Hmm, that sounds like he spends a lot of time looking at you!^{[6]
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- However, some people are just naturally observant. Does he notice when other people get a haircut or braces? If so, this is likely just friendly behavior.

5

Interacting with you puts him in a good mood.

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If he’s into you, he’ll cheer up when you walk by and wave. Even if he has a bad day, his attitude will switch from gloomy to glad when he sees you. He doesn’t realize that his mood shifts hint at his true feelings!^{[7]
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- One reason he might be hiding his feelings? He might worry that if he asks you out, things could get really awkward, really fast. He may be taking it slow because he loves how you make him feel and doesn’t want to risk losing that.
- Just behave normally and give him the chance to build his confidence. Confronting him about it too soon may put a strain on your friendship.^{[8]
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6

He’s bothered by the “competition.”

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If he seems jealous when you're with male coworkers, he may like you. He probably plays it cool by hiding his feelings behind humor, such as calling Chris your “work husband.” But if he teases you, there may be an unspoken question: “Do you like him more than me?”^{[9]
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- If you’re interested in dating your coworker, tell him, “Chris is nice, but he isn’t really my type.” Your coworker will probably take the opening to ask about your type…if you describe him, he’ll get the picture!
- Brush it off if you don't want to pursue a relationship. Say, “Yeah, right, I need a boyfriend like a fish needs a bicycle.” Or, tell him, “I’d never get involved with a coworker—too messy!”

7

He talks about you with other coworkers.

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When chatting with other employees, he might keep bringing the conversation around to you: a joke you told, your opinion about the latest movie, or your experience at a restaurant. If he can’t seem to stop talking about you, it’s probably because you’re one of his favorite topics. ^{[10]
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8

His body language is open.

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If he leans in when you speak to him, he might be attracted to you. He might also touch his hair or mirror your body position. If his pupils widen when he’s near you, that’s an obvious clue that he has the hots for you.^{[11]
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- Some people are “close talkers” and don’t give others much personal space. Pay attention to additional nonverbal cues (such as widening pupils) to determine whether he’s simply being friendly.
- Remember that you also communicate with body language. If you aren’t interested in your coworker, express that by crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, and taking a step backward.^{[12]
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9

You bring out his competitive streak.

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If he steps up his game around you, he may be trying to impress you. For example, he might speak up boldly in the meetings you attend. Or maybe his productivity jumps when you’re on the same shift. He’s motivated to show you his skills because he wants to earn your admiration.^{[13]
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- He might not be comfortable telling you how he feels because he thinks he could be rejected. It’s possible that he’s trying to show you he’s talented and worthy of your affection.

10

He likes your old social media posts.

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If he's scrolling through your feed, he may be trying to learn about you. He’s probably trying to get to know you better and find out what your life outside of work is like. Sure, his comments are likely chill. But the farther back his likes or comments go, the more obvious his secret becomes: he is definitely into you.^{[14]
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- If he only likes or comments on recent posts, that’s typical buddy behavior.

11

He asks to work on projects with you.

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If he wants you on his team, maybe he's trying to spend time with you. This could be his way of getting closer to you while still keeping things professional.^{[15]
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Research source} He might be on to something: research on workplace romance shows that the more often we interact with someone, the faster attraction builds.^{[16]
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- On the other hand, it’s wise to consider how a workplace romance might mess up your mojo, especially if you work closely with them every day.
- If you want to find out if he secretly likes you, ask why he requested to work with you. If he responds with, “Because you’re good at making spreadsheets,” he might only see you as a fellow professional. However, his feelings might run deeper if he replies, “Because you’re fun to be with.”
- It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he thinks a work relationship might complicate his job. His main focus right now might be his career.

12

Sometimes there are awkward silences.

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Or he doesn’t know what to say because he suddenly feels nervous around you. Perhaps he’s so distracted by your charm that he can’t think straight! If he’s usually a smooth-talking dude, this is a clue he’s crushing on you.^{[17]
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13

He’s hyperaware of what you’re up to.

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He might comment that you looked drowsy at your desk earlier. Or he might joke about seeing you send a text during a meeting. If you always seem to be on his radar, it's clear he’s been eyeing you on the sly.^{[18]
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14

He always offers to help.

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If he always has your back, it could mean he has romantic feelings. Maybe he steps in to help you figure out why the copier is on the fritz. Perhaps he gives you a hand hauling boxes to the basement. If he always wants to help, he might be quietly showing you how much he cares.^{[19]
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- It’s possible that he’s just the kind of guy who goes the extra mile. But does he drop everything to assist other coworkers like he does to help you? If yes, he’s simply a nice dude. If no…he’s interested in you.
- You’ve heard of “relationship red flags;” this is a definite “relationship green flag.” He’s demonstrating that you can trust him to be there for you during times of need.

15

He recalls little details about you.

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When a coworker knows the name of your pet, your biggest phobia, and how you feel about pineapple on pizza, that’s a big clue that he has a romantic interest in you! He may recall small details because he finds you absolutely fascinating.^{[20]
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16

His hours or breaks suddenly align with yours.

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Perhaps he used to have Tuesdays off, but now you’re both off on Fridays. Or maybe he used to arrive a bit late, but now pulls into the parking lot at the same time as you. He might clock out for lunch as soon as he sees you heading for the door. Coincidence? Probably not.^{[21]
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17

He has a silly nickname for you.

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If he gives you a funny nickname, it might be a term of endearment. He’ll make it a silly one to throw you off track—after all, something sweet like “Sunshine” might show his hand. So, maybe calling you “Bubbles” because you snorted Pepsi out of your nose that one time isn’t exactly romantic, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t affectionate!^{[22]
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- A little bit of good-natured teasing is often a sign of attraction. But if your coworker is the sort of person who thinks of goofy nicknames for everyone, don’t read too much into it.
- As adorable as nicknames are, make sure that your workplace interactions align with the company culture. Trying to change the norms is awkward for everyone. ^{[23]
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- For example, if you work in a casual kitchen environment, silly nicknames are probably fine. If you’re employed at a bank, nicknames might be viewed as unprofessional.

18

He shares his hobbies with you.

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If he wants you to see another side of him, he could have a crush. He might show you a TikTok of his guitar solo. Or, he might ask if you want to see pics of his weekend snowboarding trip. If he shares these parts of himself with you, it could be a subtle sign that he's into you.^{[24]
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- Determine whether he’s only being friendly by finding out whether he’s showing other coworkers videos of him shredding slopes or if it’s just you.

19

He tries to catch your eye often.

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If your coworker frequently glances at you, he’s likely trying to connect. For example, if you’re in a meeting and the boss asks for suggestions, he might instinctively turn to you. If juicy work drama is going down, he might look your way to share a “WTH?!” moment. Like Jim from The Office, his meaningful glances reveal more than he realizes.^{[25]
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- Some people just aren’t comfortable with making a lot of eye contact. So if your coworker doesn’t hold your gaze, there’s still a chance he might have a crush on you.

20

He steps up his grooming or dressing habits.

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He may be trying to attract you if he changes his look. Maybe he retires his ill-fitting jeans and replaces them with something trendier. Perhaps he gets a nice haircut or starts growing a beard. If he’s focusing more on how he presents himself, he may be trying to make a good impression on you.
- It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he believes you’re out of his league. He may be trying to build up his confidence by altering his appearance.

21

He brings you small things.

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He might bring you a caramel Frappuccino (your favorite!) to start your day off right. Or maybe he grabs you chips from the vending machine, or a box of tissues when you have the sniffles. It’s never anything big—he doesn’t want you to catch on to how he feels—but he loves to put a smile on your face because he really cares about you.^{[26]
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22

He compliments you.

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If he often says kind things, it might be a sign that he really likes you. He’s probably subtle about it because he isn’t ready to tell you how he feels yet. For example, if you complain about how frizzy your hair is after getting caught in the rain, he might say he likes the natural look. It’s sweet, but not over the top.^{[27]
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- If his compliments are related to your work performance, he may simply respect you as a coworker. If they’re about your appearance, sense of humor, or personality, it could mean something more.
- Pay attention to how he interacts with others; is he always telling people they look amazing? Does he throw out compliments like confetti? If so, don’t take his words too seriously.

23

He touches you lightly.

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If he finds excuses to touch you, he may be showing affection. Maybe he’s king of the “accidental” brush and his arm grazes yours when he sits next to you. Or he might pat your shoulder, pick a piece of lint off your sweater, or give you a high five when he walks by. These low-key interactions could be a clue that he’s secretly crushing on you.^{[28]
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- Some people are naturally “touchy-feely.” Watch how he interacts with other coworkers to see if he touches them often too. If he does, there probably isn’t a secret meaning behind it.
- If you like him back, mirror his behavior and casually touch him in the same ways.
- Not interested? Be aware that blurring the lines with physical contact sends mixed signals. When he touches you, shift away from him or take a step backward.
- Tell him clearly to stop touching you if it makes you uncomfortable. If the behavior continues, talk to HR about the issue. Explain what’s happening and say, “This is creating a hostile work environment.”^{[29]
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24

He’s curious about your dating life.

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He may be trying to see if you're available by fishing for details. If he’s keeping a crush under wraps, he’ll likely try to learn about your romantic life in a roundabout way: “So, what did you do last weekend?” “Who did you go hiking with?” He probably wants to figure out if you’re involved with someone without revealing his feelings.
- If you want to further the relationship, ask reciprocal questions about his weekend. If he mentions he went bowling, say, “It’s been ages since I’ve been bowling, I used to love it as a kid!” That gives him an opening to ask you out. ^{[30]
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- Don’t want to bite? Respond vaguely to keep things at a professional level: “Oh, I just caught up on some errands this weekend.” Then steer the conversation back to a work-related topic.

25

He laughs at all your jokes.

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If all of your jokes crack him up, he might be infatuated with you. Sure, maybe you’re just a hilarious person. But there’s a way to find out: gauge his attraction by telling a truly terrible joke. Did he react with a polite smile or a loud guffaw? If he laughs at even your worst jokes, he’s totally crushing on you.
- Need a bad joke idea? Try this one: Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference!
- Wait, here’s another: Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged!

26

He listens to you intently.

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If you often have his full attention, he may find you captivating. Does your coworker completely focus on you while you’re speaking? Does he hang on your every word and seem genuinely interested in your ideas and opinions?^{[31]
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- Is your coworker a super chatty person? In that case, he might just be making friendly conversation.

27

He remembers your birthday.

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If he makes your day special, it’s likely because he thinks you’re special! He probably doesn’t need a Facebook reminder to know when it’s your birthday. Maybe he even gives you a present! If he treats you like royalty all day, he might have romantic feelings for you.^{[32]
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- If your coworker gave the receptionist a similar box of chocolates on her birthday, he’s just a thoughtful guy. Enjoy the chocolates, but don’t assume the gift means he’s sweet on you.^{[33]
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28

He invites you to lunch.

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If he asks to grab lunch with you, maybe it's a baby step toward a date. It's much less pressure than an actual date: he doesn’t have to change his clothes, pick you up, and take you to dinner at a nice restaurant. Grabbing a sandwich at the corner deli could be a chill way to spend time with someone he’s attracted to.^{[34]
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- If you don’t want your coworker to think you like him, respond to the invite by saying something like, “Sure, is it okay if I invite Mandy along?”

29

He messages you outside of work.

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If he texts you after work, maybe he can’t get enough of you.^{[35]
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Research source} Another clue? He offers an unprompted explanation when he hasn’t texted for a while: “Sorry I haven’t been around tonight, my cousin came over.”
- Check with your other friends at work to see if he messages them as well. Some people just spend a lot of time texting.

30

He wants to hang out.

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If he casually asks to meet up, he might be trying to avoid rejection. He might want to see you outside of work hours without the pressure of calling it a date. Rather than definitively asking you out, he might say something like, “I’m going to a festival downtown this weekend, wanna meet me there?” It could be that he likes you and doesn’t want to risk getting shot down.^{[36]
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- If hanging out—just as friends—sounds fun, it’s smart to offer some clarity upfront. Say, “I’d love to hang out with my work bestie this weekend, what time do you want to meet?” This is a gentle way of letting him know where he stands.
- To keep things squarely in the friend zone, insist on splitting the tab when you hang out rather than letting him pick up the check.