Signs an Aries Man is Using You (& How to Respond)

Spot suspicious Aries behaviors and know when to walk away

Written by Stina Garbis | Edited by Finn Kobler

Last Updated: June 19, 2023 Fact Checked

Aries men are usually wonderful lovers; they’re kind, spontaneous, and unafraid to stand up for the people they care about. However, not all Aries are committed and some may use partners without any concern for their feelings. Being played can feel frustrating and disappointing, but spotting the red flags is key to responding in a way that empowers you. In this article, we’ll walk you through over a dozen expert-backed clues that an Aries man is using you, and offer advice on handling each one so you can move toward the meaningful romantic connection you deserve.

This article is based on an interview with our psychic astrologer, Stina Garbis, owner of Psychic Stina. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Aries men are direct and communicative. If your man feels wishy-washy or aloof, he may not be prioritizing the relationship.
Because they’re a cardinal sign, Aries men love to lead. Something’s off if he seems apathetic or uninvested in making decisions together.
Aries men love all kinds of stimulation: creative, emotional, physical. If he only seems interested in physical intimacy, that’s a potential red flag.

1

He doesn’t try to get to know you.

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If he doesn’t invest in you personally, this might be cause for concern. Aries is the first sign in the zodiac timeline, so spiritually, they’re babies. Much like babies, they love attention, whether it’s giving or receiving it. Plus, they’re insatiably curious when it comes to just about everything and everyone around them. If your Aries man doesn’t have this curiosity (he doesn’t ask you personal questions, he zones out when you talk about yourself), he may be hiding something.
- How to handle it: Tell him it hurts your feelings when he doesn’t try to get to know you better. As cardinal fire signs, Aries has a habit of spacing out, and direct communication will make him aware of his absent-mindedness.
- Use “I” statements when communicating your feelings. It'll help the conversation stay emotionally focused so he doesn’t personally attacked.
- For example, you might say “I feel lonely when I ask about your day but you don’t ask about mine” or “I feel disappointed when I share something and you don’t ask follow-up questions.”

2

He doesn’t make any plans with you.

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It’s strange if an Aries man doesn’t arrange a time to hang out. As a cardinal sign, Aries are natural leaders. They love to take charge and make things happen. When they’re invested in their partner, they’ll initiate dozens of ideas and try to spend as much time with them as possible. If your Aries man abruptly stops coordinating plans, he may be getting bored or losing interest.
- How to handle it: Go on a spontaneous adventure. Aries love thrills and spur-of-the-moment decisions. If you notice yourselves falling into a routine, traveling somewhere, or trying something completely new for both of you can inject excitement back into your relationship.

3

He’s unreliable and unpredictable.

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Something’s wrong if an Aries man’s behavior is inconsistent. Aries men are men of action.^{[1]
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Research source} While their intense creativity and fiery passion mean they go through a lot of possible ideas each day, once they commit, nothing is stopping them. If you notice your Aries man abandoning plans, falling through on his commitments, or saying one thing and doing another, there’s likely a respect issue at play (either not enough respect for you or himself).
- How to handle it: Tell him you won’t keep tolerating his hot-and-cold behavior. Aries men value direct communication, so you can hold him accountable without being rude. Avoid sarcastic and passive-aggressive language and clearly state the consequences if he keeps bailing.
- For example, you could say “This is the third time you’ve canceled our plans in the past two weeks. I’m okay if you say no, but getting my hopes up and breaking them makes it hard to trust you. I may have to walk away if you keep doing this.”

4

He only cares about physical intimacy.

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It could be a red flag if all your meet-ups end in sex. As a cardinal fire sign, Aries men are passionate and physical. They love showing their affection sensually. However, physical pleasure isn’t the only thing that stimulates them. They like to connect with their partner through deep, intellectual conversations, powerful emotions, and creative pursuits too.^{[2]
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Research source}. If your Aries man neglects these and just keeps trying to initiate sex (and/or he leaves immediately after), he probably just wants to hook up.
- How to handle it: Try abstaining from sex for a little while. Find other ways to show intimacy like cuddling, writing each other love notes, or giving each other massages. If he still seems invested, odds are he’s just a physical person, and there’s no reason to be suspect. However, if he pulls away, this may provide evidence all he wants is to sleep together.

5

He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family.

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Be wary if you’ve been dating a while but haven’t met his loved ones. Aries men try their best to be open with their affection. When they love you, they want you to be fully involved in their lives and get to know them on all possible levels. If it feels like he’s been avoiding introducing you to his parents, siblings, or close friends, he may be compartmentalizing your relationship because he still isn’t taking it that seriously.
- How to handle it: Try coordinating a low-stakes group date with his friends. Play it cool when you meet them and allow him to be the life of the party. While it may sound irrational, Aries love being the star so he may be keeping his loved ones separate from you out of fear you’ll outshine him. Hyping him up in that environment helps quell this insecurity.

6

You never go out in public together.

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Aries men usually like to show their partners off. Aries men are usually pretty open. As a fire sign, they love to make themselves and the people close to them feel warm and special. When an Aries man likes you, he’ll hype you up and expect the rest of the world to do the same. If all your dates are private and he seems uncomfortable going out together, something suspicious may be going on.
- How to handle it: Try a low-stakes public date like seeing a movie or grabbing coffee at an intimate cafe. While Aries like attention, not every Aries is outgoing. If your Aries man is down for something more low-key, he’s likely just shy and you have nothing to worry about.

7

He’s passive and/or apathetic when making decisions.

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Something’s up if an Aries man doesn’t offer his insight. Ruled by Mars, the planet of aggression, Aries men are loud, assertive, and love to make their voices heard. They love to lead (or at least offer as much input as possible). If your Aries man seems like he couldn’t care less about big choices like what you’re going to do with your career or even small ones like what to have for dinner, he may not be prioritizing you or your relationship.
- How to handle it: Reach out to see if everything’s okay. While he may be passive because he’s using you, Aries men are usually only apathetic when they’re stressed, tired, or depressed. Getting him to open up can identify the core problem and bring you two closer together.

8

He doesn’t open up to you emotionally.

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Be wary if an Aries man stonewalls you. Aries men aren’t the type to hide how they feel. Like the ram that represents them, they prefer to confront, forgive, and forget instead of keeping things bottled in. If your man constantly changes the subject when it comes to his feelings, goals, or insecurities, he may be hiding something.
- How to handle it: Make it clear you won’t judge him. If he’s been judged or shamed by loved ones in his past, he may be scared to open up, regardless of what the stars say. Embrace your own vulnerability by sharing your own hopes and fears to help create an emotionally safe space.

9

He constantly requests favors but doesn’t offer help in return.

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It’s a red flag if he expects you to give more than him. As a cardinal sign, Aries men are fiercely independent.^{[3]
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Research source} They don’t expect their loved ones to do anything they wouldn’t do and (for good and bad) usually don’t like relying on others for help. If your man keeps asking you to do things for him, but never asks to return the favor, he may be using you and looking at the relationship as a one-sided dynamic.
- How to handle it: Set boundaries with him. Kindly but firmly refuse to stop doing tasks for him. Make him aware that you feel like you’re putting more effort than he is.
- You might say “I notice I always clean before you come over, but you never do the same for me. That feels selfish and makes me feel underappreciated.” or “I don’t think it’s fair for me to keep cooking us both dinner when you never take the trash out as I ask.”

10

He doesn’t show affection.

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There’s a clear disconnect if an Aries man withholds intimacy. As a fire sign, Aries men are high-spirited, energetic, and often explode with affection.^{[4]
X
Research source} They usually enjoy cuddling and love to share meaningful compliments. If your Aries man does none of the above, it may be because there’s a lack of affection in your relationship in general.
- How to handle it: Find out his love language. Not all Aries men are the same. He may not like physicality and prefer to show affection in different ways like acts of service or quality time. Learning how you each value intimacy can make you more giving and connected.

11

He guilts you during arguments.

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It’s a red flag if an Aries tries to make you feel guilty. Not only is guilting unkind, but it’s also uncharacteristic for Aries. Ruled by the aggressive Mars, Aries men may be quick to anger, but they’re also direct. If your man starts acting passive-aggressive during a fight, bringing up past mistakes, suggesting that you owe him, or manipulating you with guilt in other ways, he may be trying to create distance in your relationship (possibly because he’s playing you).
- How to handle it: De-personalize the situation and walk away. Remember that this guilt is rooted in an issue he has internally; it’s not you. Then, practice self-care and introspection to see if you really have anything you need to work on and assess how you want to move forward in your relationship.

12

He’s unwilling to commit.

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Something’s off if an Aries is wishy-washy. Ruling the first house of self, Aries are extremely self-assured. They know what they want and will fight tooth and nail to get it. If an Aries man is interested in pursuing a relationship, he’ll make it known and his fiery energy means he’ll usually make it known quickly. If he seems fickle or dodges the question whenever the topic of a relationship is broached, he may be playing you or just want to be friends.
- How to handle it: Take some time away and focus on your independence. Aries men don’t like partners who are needy or don’t have enriching lives on their own. Taking some space will allow you both to re-assess your relationship status and prove to him that you have an equally fulfilling life on your own (which will likely pique his interest).

13

He’s dismissive of your emotions.

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It’s unacceptable if an Aries man doesn’t respect your feelings. Aries men are typically very emotionally engaged. While their Mars rulership sometimes causes them to slip into aggravation, they still openly acknowledge your feelings. If you voice how you feel and your man blows you off, that’s a red flag. His lack of attention means he’s not giving you or your relationship the respect it deserves.
- How to handle it: Be clear that you will not tolerate this type of disregard. For a relationship to grow, you need to listen to each other, and if he continues to blatantly ignore that, you may have to end the relationship.

Learn How to Attract an Aries Man with this Expert Series

Aries men are confident, charming, and bold. You will need to stand out to attract this fire sign, so we've put together this expert series to help you attract the Aries of your dreams.