Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex? (Decoding the Reasons and Spiritual Meanings)

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Unpacking those dreams about your ex from a psychological, spiritual, and psychic angle

Co-authored by Josh Siegel and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: November 13, 2024 Fact Checked

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Reasons You're Dreaming About Your Ex

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What to Do About It

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When your ex makes a recurring appearance in your dreams, you may wonder if there's a spiritual meaning behind it. Many experts suggest that fantasies about a former partner help you process the grief from a breakup. Others speculate that people who were once in love may have a psychic connection with each other—and while there isn't any hard science to prove this, many people believe it. We'll review all of these theories and help you make sense of your dreams. Read on to wake up to the possibilities of what your subconscious (or your ex) is trying to tell you.

Things You Should Know

If you lost yourself in a relationship, dreams of your ex can remind you to focus on your needs.
When you're recovering from a breakup with an abusive partner, you might get flashbacks that remind you to steer clear of toxic dynamics.
Some dreams may signify a spiritual bond or a psychic connection with your ex.
Journal, reach out to your ex, consult a psychic, or book a session with a therapist to cope with your feelings or confusion about your breakup.

Section 1 of 2:

Reasons You're Dreaming About Your Ex

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1
You have a soul tie with your ex, so you two communicate in dreams. Did you and your partner share a close bond while you were together? If so, you two may share a soul connection, a sign that both of your spirits intertwined. Even when you’re apart, you and your ex may be so “in tune” with each other that you can send messages from afar.^{[1]
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- If you feel a strong sense of familiarity and a rush of warmth when you spend time with your partner in your dream, it may be a clue that you’re telepathically speaking to one another due to the strength of your soul tie.^{[2]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 388 wikiHow readers if they believe that their dreams have meaning, and 66% said yes. [Take Poll] So if you feel that your dreams have special or spiritual meaning, most people agree with you!
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You think about your ex all day, so they're popping up in your dreams. Does your mind drift to your ex a lot? Maybe it seems that you can’t help wondering about them at every waking moment. If you spend a lot of mental bandwidth on your former partner, then it’s only natural that they’ll be part of your “subconscious” brain, which influences your dreams.^{[3]
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- If you dream that you’re trying to rescue your ex, such as saving them from drowning, then it may be a hint that you pour all your concentration into “fixing” your ex or into ways you could’ve held onto the relationship.^{[4]
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3
Your ex misses you, so they’re sending you a psychic signal. If you’re open and receptive to your ex, then it’s not outside the realm of possibility that you can pick up a telepathic message. It may be the case that you’re really empathetic and they’re pining or in pain, so you can feel that even when you’re asleep.^{[5]
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- If you have a vivid dream about your future together, such as going on a dream getaway as a married couple, your ex might be trying to hint that they want to give your relationship another chance.^{[6]
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- If you can sense your ex’s sadness, it could be a sign they’re longing for you. For example, maybe you have a dream where you find them alone at a bar and you immediately feel like crying.^{[7]
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The Universe wants to reunite the both of you, so it’s giving you hints. If you’re both meant for each other and are a “vibrational match”—which means that your energies are aligned and you’re romantically compatible—then the Universe may try to play “matchmaker.” Dreams may be its way of giving you a little “nudge” to reach out.^{[8]
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- If you remember an angel number like 222 from your dream or wake up seeing it—for example, when you see 2:22 A.M. on your alarm clock—it may be the Universe’s message that it’s looking out for your love life.^{[9]
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  Research source} In numerology, 2 is an empathetic and linking number.
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You have unresolved issues with your ex, so you want closure. Maybe you and your former partner never hashed everything out. Was your breakup rushed? Perhaps there wasn’t a chance for you to say your piece. If you feel like you weren’t able to share your perspective or hear your ex out, your dreams may allow you to imagine a productive discussion.
- If you have a dream where you’re yelling at your ex-partner, then it may be an indication that you never felt truly heard and that you want your former lover to actively listen to your frustrations or concerns.^{[10]
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You lost yourself in the relationship, so you're looking for fulfillment. Think about any “people-pleasing” patterns you had while you were dating your ex—if you did cater to all their needs, look for signs of codependency. If you realize the dynamic drained you, your dreams may be a hint to focus on self-empowerment.^{[11]
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- If you had a dream where your ex begged for forgiveness, then it might be a sign that you’re ready to consider your past relationship “resolved” so you can focus on professional development.^{[12]
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You feel guilty, so you're hoping to make amends. Were there any actions you wish you could take back? Maybe you made some impulsive remarks out of frustration or ended everything abruptly. If you’re still in a headspace of guilt and remorse, then you may envision your ex in your dreams because you want to fix the situation between you two.^{[13]
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- If you have a dream where you approach your ex and ask to make peace with them—for example, you may tell them you totally forgive them and want to go to the movies as friends—then it may be telling you that you want to reconnect.
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You're sad, so you're processing emotional pain in order to heal. If you’re experiencing grief over the loss of your relationship, then you might need an escape or an outlet for your sorrow. Dreams can help you recover from a dynamic you’re mourning by recreating the connection you once had.^{[14]
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- If you have a dream where your ex pulls you into a warm embrace, it could be a way for your subconscious mind to give you the feeling of affection or support so you can handle the withdrawal from a breakup more easily.
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You're afraid of your ex, so you're reliving frightening memories. Maybe your ex made you feel like you were on edge and their behavior added to your anxiety. If you feel tense just thinking about them, you may be going through “relationship PTSD,” a type of emotional stress from an abusive dynamic. Your dreams may be flashbacks or red flags of what to avoid in future connections.^{[15]
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- If you dream of a toxic relationship pattern, like your ex humiliating or degrading you, it’s likely a sign that you should avoid your former partner and seek out more supportive situations.^{[16]
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You're unhappy and your old lover symbolizes your frustrations. Maybe you hate messes and your ex was really disorganized, so you see your former partner in your dreams when you haven’t tackled your clutter. On the other hand, old flame may just really annoy you, so you encounter them in dreams when you’re really stressed. Either way, it’s a cue to find your joy again.^{[17]
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Harvard Medical School
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- Even though it’s really frightening and intense, if you have a dream of lashing out at your ex, it probably just means you’re aggravated and need to seek out balance in your life.
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You're ready for a relationship, so you're reflecting on an old one. Do you feel like you fully recovered from your ex and you’re in the mood to date? If you not only dream about an old romance but wake up without any feelings of withdrawal, then it may just be a sign that you’d like to find love again.^{[18]
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- If you dream of your ex getting married, you might be ready for you both to begin a new chapter with someone else. Check in with yourself and see if you feel happy or relieved after picturing that scenario.^{[19]
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You found someone else and you're comparing them to your ex. Were there qualities about your ex you really enjoyed, even if they weren’t a great match for you? If so, may realize your current partner has these or are missing these. Whatever the case is, your dream provides an opportunity for you to appreciate your partner and make them feel wanted.^{[20]
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- If you dream of getting back together with a cheating ex, then you might crave the physical or emotional intimacy you shared with them. Try to recreate that chemistry with your current partner.

Section 2 of 2:

What to Do About It

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To free yourself from an unhealthy fixation, forgive your ex and move on. Stay grounded and take a lot of deep breaths, then remind yourself that your old relationship is a thing of the past. Appreciate the lessons you learned and recognize that your former partner ultimately helped you grow.^{[21]
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Accept that you want the best for both yourself and your ex. Rather than concentrating on any “mistakes”, build a positive thinking mindset and reflect on ways you’re an amazing partner. Make a pact with yourself to express kindness and patience in all your future relationships.^{[22]
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Greater Good Magazine
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Write in a stream of consciousness. Feel free to include both your frustrations and your fond memories about your past relationship. Then, read over your account of what happened and see what comes up. Continue to write entries and review them to check if your outlook evolves over time.^{[23]
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Reach out to your ex for an opportunity to express your feelings. To boost your chances at talking to your ex again, use a friendly tone and show empathy with a kind opener. Be transparent and explain that you’d like to have a heartfelt chat if they’re up for that. Reassure them that you want to stay on good terms and they’re more likely to reply. ^{[24]
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- You might say something like, "Hey, Jamie. I hope you're doing well. I just wanted to let you know you're still in my thoughts and I still care about you. Would you be open to staying in touch? I'd love the chance to reconnect with each other and talk about what's on our minds."
- Just bear in mind that if you get back in contact, it might give mixed signals or bring up old emotions. It's okay to heal separately from each other, and it's not necessary to talk in order to move on.
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Try to make amends to heal your connection with your ex. If you or your former partner did or said anything that created a rift, acknowledge any hurt feelings your ex may have. To make amends, suggest a solution to repair your dynamic. You may be able to be friends after a bad breakup if you remain sincere and emotionally available.^{[25]
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- To extend the olive branch, make a comment like, "I know that I really struggled to make time for you because I didn't have a great work-life balance. I've resolved that now, and if you'd like to be friends, I'd make sure to give you my full attention."
- Sometimes, your ex might not want to be friends or lovers again. Remain open to what they need and avoid having any expectations. Ultimately, it's important to respect their choice.
If your former partner was your main source of comfort, then it’s important to find new forms of companionship. Schedule time with your friends and family, then live in the moment when you’re with them instead of thinking about the past. In time, you may feel so excited about your social life that your mind won't even drift to your old relationship.^{[26]
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Make it a priority to love yourself and carve out time for what makes you happy, whether that’s pilates or binge watching shows. Have fun and try to find a hobby or pursue your passion. If you develop a strong relationship with yourself, you’ll have so much more to dream about than just your ex.^{[27]
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Try speaking to a psychic to receive a spiritual message about your ex. If you sense that you have an intense soul bond with your old flame, seek out an expert who’s knowledgeable about metaphysics. Discuss your hopes, concerns, and dreams. They may be able to decipher any messages that your former partner may be sending you.^{[28]
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- For example, if you tell a psychic that you swear you smell cinnamon in your dreams, they may sense that this scent is symbolic of stability and that your ex wants to be a more grounded partner for you.
- You can also read tarot cards or use oracle cards on your own to unearth a psychic message about your ex.
If your quality of life has been significantly impacted, book an appointment with a mental health professional. Open up about your emotions and get your therapist’s perspective. They’ll be able to unpack your dreams and suggest ways to cope. With their guidance, you may reprogram your brain to not think about your ex anymore.^{[29]
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