How to Mentally Seduce a Woman

The best questions and conversation starters to attract your crush

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: April 19, 2024 Fact Checked

Seducing a woman you're attracted to doesn't all come down to your physical appearance. Engaging her mind with intellectual conversations, flirty debates, and witty jokes can go a long way in making yourself more attractive to her. If you want to stimulate a woman's mind the next time you're flirting with her but you're not sure how to actually go about doing it, don't worry. We've compiled a list of tips you can use to mentally seduce your crush.

Things You Should Know

Seduce her with your humor and wit. Tell funny personal stories, point out silly situations when you’re together, or make callbacks to previous convos.
Be excited about her passions and ask her to teach you about them. She’ll be attracted to you because you’re genuinely interested in her.
Start a friendly debate to stimulate her intellectually. Pick a silly, non-controversial topic and let the flirty challenge ensue.

1

Make her laugh.

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By cracking a joke, you'll make the conversation more exciting. A more exciting conversation means that you look better, too. Having a great sense of humor also makes people appear more intelligent. So to liven up your chat and seduce your crush, don't shy away from using your best comedy material.^{[1]
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- Try looking out for potential "callbacks" in conversation. This refers to picking something from earlier in the convo and mentioning it again in a silly way.
- Or, focus on being unexpected. Humor usually comes from taking your audience by surprise.
- You can't go wrong by relying on personal stories that have a track record of getting a laugh.
- If every time you tell the story about falling at your high school graduation it's met with giggles, definitely use that with her.^{[2]
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2

Be excited about her passions.

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If you're enthusiastic about her favorites, your convo with flourish. She may love anything from sci-fi novels, to entomology, to Anne Bonny. No matter the subject, for her, it’ll be totally thrilling (and attractive!) to get to fangirl over her favs with you. Not only will she love your positivity, but it'll also keep your conversation heading in a super stimulating, seductive direction.^{[3]
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- Say something complimentary. "Ah, I can totally see why you love sci-fi novels. They can be so exciting."
- Ask her a question. "Entomology, that's impressive. What made you first so interested in insects?"
- Or, use a personal connection. "Anne Bonny the pirate, right? That's so cool. I love the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Is she in those at all?"

3

Learn from her.

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Use her expertise to create a flirty, intellectual discussion. If you ask, you’ll probably find that she has some unique skill totally mastered and that she’d love the chance to tell you about it. Not only will you pick up some new knowledge, but you crush will be engaged in the conversation — and attracted to you.^{[4]
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- You can start with a compliment. "Wow, you really know your stuff."
- Next, share your interest. "I'm actually super interested in computer software, but I don't know much about it."
- Finally, ask her to teach you. "Could you teach me a bit about that? I'd love to learn from you."

4

Read with her.

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Sharing intellectual reads with your crush can be an exciting way to flirt. This could be a column, a beautiful paragraph, or even a study. Try to go for something that you think she'll love or that relates to your conversation.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} This strategy could be used in so many different ways; you could even pull up an article on your phone if you're out in public. Either way, she'll be attracted to you and mentally stimulated.^{[6]
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- By reading and discussing the same challenging material, you'll have totally appealed to her intellect.
- You could also use this tip in a heartfelt, flirtatious way. "I actually thought of you when I came across the passage. Would you let me read it to you?"

5

Have a friendly debate.

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A friendly argument can be a mental challenge and flirty exchange. Let a little disagreement come up naturally or choose a topic beforehand that you think she’d like to discuss. Go with something noncontroversial. Pick something you think she’d have an opinion on, but not have a personal stake in. Definitely make sure things stay civil and that she enjoys the battle of wits with you.^{[7]
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- Try asking her about her favorite character in a movie you both like. If she's team Jacob and your team Edward (from Twilight), then it'll be game on.
- Or, try something a bit more serious if you think things will stay friendly. Ask her whether or not she thinks standardized tests are really a fair measure of intellect.
- By respecting her logic, showing your own cleverness, and playfully having it out, you'll have challenged her mentally and made yourself more attractive to her.

6

Talk about current events.

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If global news comes up, you'll want to be prepared. It's totally natural for your discussion to turn towards current events, because it's a topic everyone has in common, it's important, and it makes for an interesting chat. So, make sure you know at least a bit of the global news to look smart, attractive, and to keep the conversation rolling.^{[8]
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- "Have you by chance read anything about what's going on with the Supreme Court?"
- Try skimming the day's top headlines to make sure you're familiar with the goings on of the world.
- This way, you can hold a totally intellectual conversation that's sure to make you look attractive to her.

7

Talk about recent adventures.

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People love to hear about others' unique experiences. Sometimes our minds go completely blank when we're asked, "What have you done lately?" Before your conversation, try brainstorming all of the awesome things you've done lately so they're ready on deck. This way, your stimulating conversation will keep flowing, and you'll look attractive to her.^{[9]
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- "I had a pretty full week. I visited that new art exhibit downtown, I had dinner with friends at that new restaurant, and I saw the movie Spencer. Have you seen it yet?"
- If you haven't actually done much lately, joke about staying in and finish with a question.
- "When the weather turns, I'm always so tempted to stay in! So, I can't say much about what's been happening in the city, but I'm officially an expert on the best take-out. What do you think of Lagomarcino's?"
Mark Manson, Dating Coach

When it comes to attraction, the mind offers lots of opportunities to spark interest. Getting a woman intrigued mentally involves weaving intelligence and humor together fluidly through conversation. Grasping her outlook, telling compelling stories, and bonding over 'aha' moments as you dive into deep ideas moves past the physical to link spirits through vivid language.

8

Chat about the arts.

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Having thoughtful opinions on creative subjects can be attractive. Chances are, you have tons of fascinating ideas about all of the media you consume on a weekly basis. At some point in the conversation, she might ask you about what you've read, seen, or listened to recently, and you'll want to share those super interesting thoughts with her.^{[10]
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- "I just finished Birds of America by Lorrie Moore. I don't know how, but she conveys so much intense emotion in really subtle ways."
- By showing her you've got a creative mind and an eye for the arts, you'll totally seduce your crush through mental stimulation.

9

Listen to her.

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Stimulating conversations rely on lots of listening from both parties. A great back and forth is the goal, and if both of you are listening well, it should happen naturally. When she's speaking, try to focus on being an active listener. For example, make sure you hold eye contact, avoid interrupting, and give responses that show you're thinking deeply about what she has to say.^{[11]
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- Try summarizing what she told you. "It sounds like you might be bummed because your boss isn't listening to you. Is that right?"
- Support her feelings. "Wow, I totally get why that would make you feel that way."
- Hopefully, if you're a great listener to her, she'll be to you too. Two way listening makes for a stimulating conversation, and ultimately, that'll make you more attractive to her!

10

Be vulnerable.

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Sometimes, stimulating chats come from a deep, personal place. For discussions like that to happen, though, vulnerability is a must. If you're interested in taking your conversation in a more intimate direction, try offering up some of your sensitive, personal details first to seduce her through mental stimulation.^{[12]
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- If you're telling a story, try adding some emotional depth and honesty.
- Let's say you're describing moving away from home. "I was so excited, but honestly, I was really nervous too. I think it was because I'd never been so far from my family before. It was sort of a hard time for me."
- By sharing your emotions, you give her permission to do the same.
- Now, your conversation can get to a deeper place, making the chat more exciting and making you more appealing!

11

Ask her open-ended questions.

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Open-ended questions are challenging and create intimacy. Both personal and philosophical queries are usually a good bet for stimulating conversation. Go for a question that will make her super curious or thoughtful. Listen to her answer carefully so you can build on your conversation and seduce her through her intellect.^{[13]
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- A big, personal question can get the ball rolling. "What do you want most out of your life at this point? How will you get it?"
- A philosophical question can also be super engaging. "Do you think free will exists?"

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