How to Stop Obsessing over Disturbing Thoughts

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: June 4, 2021 Approved

Disturbing thoughts, also known as intrusive thoughts, are common and normal in most cases, but they may be confusing or distressful. Some people become obsessed with these thoughts and have a hard time moving past them. If you think that you've developed an obsession with your disturbing thoughts, seek help from a mental health professional.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Understanding Disturbing Thoughts

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Understand what a disturbing thought is. A disturbing thought is something that comes into your mind out of nowhere. Disturbing thoughts often focus on violence, sex, and past traumatic events, but they are not limited to these categories alone. Psychologists call these types of thoughts intrusive thoughts because they pop into our heads, often without warning, and cause us distress.^{[1]
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Research source} Disturbing thoughts can vary greatly from person to person. Some examples of disturbing thoughts include:
- Imagining dropping or throwing a baby while you are holding an infant. Even though you would never do this, it is a common intrusive thought.
- Imagining running over your boss with your car. If your boss has upset you, you may find yourself thinking about something along these lines even though you would never actually do it.
- Having violent sexual fantasies that arouse you, even if you’d never act on them or want to have these things done to you.
- Reliving a disturbing experience, such as a car accident or an assault.
Many people have disturbing thoughts and are able to let them pass with little additional thought. Even though most of us have these thoughts, some people worry and obsess about thoughts that they would never act on, which can cause them distress. If you are distressed by your disturbing thoughts, try to remember that you are not alone. Many people experience these types of thoughts.^{[2]
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In most cases, having a disturbing thought that you know you would never act on is natural and it does not make you a bad person. Often, we have these thoughts because we do not want to act in the way we are imagining. Our minds sometimes wander and consider the worst possible thing that could happen in a given situation.^{[3]
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Part 2

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Examining a Disturbing Thought

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Acknowledge the disturbing thought. While your first instinct may be to simply ignore your disturbing thought, ignoring it is not a good idea. If you try to ignore the thought or block it out, it may recur with greater intensity. Trying to suppress your disturbing thoughts may even lead to an unhealthy obsession with the thought.^{[4]
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Research source} Instead of trying to block out a disturbing thought, acknowledge it and begin to examine it.^{[5]
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- Identify the content of your disturbing thought. What is it about and what is so disturbing about it?
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Write about your disturbing thoughts. Writing down your disturbing thoughts can help you think of them in different ways. Also, the very act of writing it down can help keep some of the thoughts out of your head and reduce their frequency.^{[6]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists

Go to source} The next time that you have a disturbing thought, take a moment to write it down in a journal. As you write about the thought, consider the following questions to help you to examine it:
- What is it about the thought you find disturbing? The fear of acting on it? The fear of having the thought at all? Social stigma?
- How often do you have the thought? Keep a tally the number of times the thought occurs to become more aware of any patterns like when in the day or week the thoughts occur more frequently.
- Is there a trigger for the thought? Do you always have the disturbing thought after seeing something or someone?
- What do you do after the thought pops in your mind? Do you keep thinking about it in detail? Do you talk about it? Do you try to ignore it?
- Is it the same thought or are there a few different thoughts? Are they similar thoughts?
- Are you having anxiety about the thought itself or are you worried about the thought? For example, are you actually worried you will actually throw the baby against the wall, or are you more bothered by the thought of having the thought?
- Are you more concerned about the thought or the way others would perceive you for having such a thought? Is the thought of others knowing your thoughts and judging you for them bother you more than the thought itself?
- Do you feel like you must think about this thought? Some disturbing thoughts may be recurrent because you have to take action, like making a decision based on them. Others may be recurrent because of anxiety, but there is no reason you have to keep thinking of them.
- Is there something you can do/act on to make yourself feel better? In other words, is there something that you can do to change the situation?
- How do these thoughts make you feel? Use feeling words like angry, sad, excited, etc. to label these free-floating feelings.
- Are the thoughts disturbing to you or are others telling you your thoughts are disturbing?
Trying to trace each thought to its source may help to ease your concerns over the disturbing thought. For example, if you are constantly imagining someone breaking into your home and assaulting you, try to figure out when you first had this thought and why.
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Consider the way that the mass media may be contributing to your disturbing thoughts. One study showed that watching media coverage of violent events contributes significantly to acute stress and causes people to experience disturbing thoughts with more frequency.^{[8]
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Go to source} Take a look at how often you watch or read about violent acts.
- If you find that you have a lot of exposure to violent news and that this may be contributing to your disturbing thoughts, stop watching or reading the news for a while or focus only on positive stories.
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Understand the meaning of disturbing sexual thoughts. In most cases, disturbing thoughts about sex don't mean anything at all.^{[9]
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Research source} If the thoughts that you are having are repulsive to you or they involve violence or other illegal activities, then your mind might just be trying to understand those things.
- For example, someone might fantasize about raping someone who is unattainable to them. But in the process of thinking about raping someone, the person imagining the act would also imagine how the other person would be hurt by that act. Understanding the pain that the act should cause the person imagining the act to stop thinking about it.

Part 3

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Moving Beyond Disturbing Thoughts

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Distract yourself. Once you have taken the time to think about and review the content of your disturbing thoughts, you should start moving past them. Try some of the following positive activities to distract yourself.
- Exercise - it can help reduce tension and anxiety.
- Pick up a hobby to keep your mind and body busy.
- Go out with friends.
- Go to a cafe and read a good book.
- Write a poem, draw a picture, sing a song.
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Determine if you might need professional help. In some cases, disturbing thoughts can be related to antisocial behavior, schizophrenia, post-traumatic stress disorder, or obsessive compulsive disorder. If you are frequently having disturbing thoughts, ask yourself the following questions:^{[10]
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- Are you considering acting on potentially harmful thoughts?
- Are you considering hurting yourself or others?
- Are you thinking and planning on how to go about hurting someone with the intent of doing it?
- Are you hearing voices telling you to hurt yourself or others?
- Are your obsessive thoughts or behaviors affecting your home or work life?
- Are you reliving a traumatic experience over and over again?
  - If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should seek help from a mental health care professional.
If the intrusive thoughts are common ones that others may have, seek out support groups where you can connect with other people who will understand. For example, if your spouse has been diagnosed with cancer, there are support groups for spouses where you can share your feelings and concerns.^{[11]
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Don’t try to just ignore the thought. Ignoring things does not make them go away and can make it worse.^{[12]
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Don’t be afraid to seek help and discuss the thoughts with someone.

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Remember that thinking about some disturbing or intrusive thoughts most likely does not mean you are crazy. It is natural to sometimes think about disturbing things (especially with the media coverage we are immersed in).

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I wear a cross because it makes me feel safe and more secure in myself and my thoughts. If your religion has some sort of object you can wear, wear it! Alternatively, you can wear something that makes you feel safe.
Remind yourself that your actions matter, not your thoughts! It's not what you think first that counts, it's your reaction afterward that matters.

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