How to Talk Dirty to a Guy

Co-authored by Jacqueline Hellyer

Last Updated: December 3, 2024 References

Many people feel ridiculous talking dirty, but with some experimenting to figure out what specifically works for you and your partner, it can be a lot of fun. Exactly what you say will depend on your age, experience, personal tastes, and the nature of your relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building up to It

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1
Consider your guy’s personality. How comfortable is he with physical affection and romantic touching? How does he behave when you fool around? Is he fairly conservative, or does he love trying new things? What sort of language does he use in everyday life — is he okay with cussing?
- What you say while talking dirty will depend largely upon your partner’s personality — if he’s very conservative and/or doesn’t like swearing, you’ll want to be subtle.
- For example, instead of saying “You look so hot right now, I can’t wait to get you alone,” you could say “Looking good!” and then give him a quick flirty kiss on the lips or — if he’s not into public displays of affection (PDAs) — on the cheek.
2
Test the waters. Get a sense of how open to dirty talk he is but starting with things that aren’t overtly sexual. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be filthy. It can be as tame as texting him, “I can’t stop thinking about last night ;)” the day after you’ve fooled around.
- You can even start with simply complimenting him more, for example, saying things like “That shirt looks great on you” or “I like that dimple there, that shows when you smile.”
Many couples aren’t physically affectionate outside of the bedroom. By touching him more often, you might be able to increase his desire and make him feel more comfortable with you and, as a result, open to trying new things.^{[1]
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Talk about making out. If your partner is open to it, talk to him about what you’d like to try. Be respectful with what you say. Most importantly, never talk about making out right after you’ve done it, as this could make him associate your physical romance with having serious talks.^{[2]
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- Example: “I love being with you, and I’d like to feel more connected to you. I was thinking maybe we could experiment a bit with talking dirty to each other.”^{[3]
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- You could even be more casual, and just say “What do you think about dirty talk?” You could say this while washing dishes together, making dinner, going for a walk — just NOT in the bedroom or after you’ve made out! This is a great way to directly find out what he likes.^{[5]
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  Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.}
If you’re finding it very difficult to bring up dirty talk, you might consider getting a book on it and bookmarking some of the pages. You could even tell your guy that you feel embarrassed talking about it, so instead you’re showing him what you want to talk about with a book.^{[6]
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Practise talking dirty by yourself. It may feel really silly, but practising the phrases you'd like to say to him might help you feel more comfortable with saying them when you’re actually with him.^{[7]
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- If you aren’t comfortable talking dirty when you’re by yourself, you can also just practise being more vocal in everyday life — for example, if you eat something delicious, let out a little sigh of delight, or when he kisses you, make a happy little “Mmm” sound.
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Tailor your talk to the situation. What you say and how you say it will depend on the result you’re hoping to achieve.
- If you’re away from each other — perhaps both at school or work — and you just want to tease him a little, you could send him a text like, “I can’t stop thinking about how good you looked this morning/last night/etc.”
- If you’re making out and he does something that you like, you could say “I love it when you do that.”
Whether paying a compliment, sending dirty texts, or talking dirty in bed, make sure that you mean what you say. Done right, talking dirty can improve intimacy and strengthen your relationship. Faking it will do the opposite.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Sending Racy Texts and Emails

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1
Ease into the conversation. Don't bust out an R-rated text in the middle of a conversation about his family, dead dog, or otherwise inappropriate topic. If you want to initiate dirty texts, do it tastefully. Start off with something like "I wish you were," or "I wish I could be with you right now."
- The key is to give him a chance to reciprocate before getting into the racier stuff.
It may be the 21st century, but bad grammar will never be sexy (i.e. "I want u 2…"). If you have something good to say, spend the extra couple seconds it takes to spell it out completely.
3
Amp it up. Once you’ve established that he's into dirty texts, you can get dirtier and more explicit. If you're unsure of what level to take it to, take small steps and parallel what he does.
- Ending flirty texts with a winking emoticon ( ;) ) is common practice.^{[8]
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- If he doesn’t respond in kind to your text, it might be that he really doesn't get the hint, but it also might be that he doesn't want to go there. You’ll need to gauge his response based on what you know about him. It might even be that he’s acting like he doesn’t get the hint just to be funny. Example:
  - You: “I’m excited for dinner but part of me just wants to skip straight to ‘dessert’ ;)”
  - Him: “Yeah! The restaurant has the best fudge brownie sundaes!”
  - You: “Hehe well I’m excited for those too — but that wasn’t really the ‘dessert’ I meant :P” or if you’re really unsure, you could just respond with “:P” which is vague enough that it should give him the hint you meant something else, but not completely confirm it (lest it makes him uncomfortable).
4
Send flirty photos. What you send will depend on the relationship — it could be anything from a cute picture of you smiling to something that shows more skin.
- Try sending him a photo striptease: send a photo of yourself looking naughty with your clothes on, then photos of articles of your clothing (your shirt, your pants, etc.) as you take them off. Don’t send him a pic of yourself naked — let him imagine that!^{[9]
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Be careful when sending pictures. Never assume that your private photos will be kept private. If you are concerned at all about everyone seeing you in compromising positions, don’t take the photos. At the very least, consider leaving your face out of the photos.
- Contrary to popular belief, Snapchat is NOT a safe way to send sexy pictures of yourself. Apps exist that make it possible to permanently save Snapchat photos.
- Even if you completely trust your partner and believe that you will never break up, understand that if something goes wrong in the relationship, you might not be able to get those pictures back, and you won’t have control over who sees them — it’s possible that he could share them with others. It’s not fair, and ultimately it’s not your fault, but it’s a reality that you need to acknowledge.
Not only will you run the risk of getting caught in the act, it is also completely inappropriate. Keep in mind that some companies use keystroke loggers or other modes of surveillance to monitor productivity.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Talking Dirty in Bed

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1
Ease into it. If things are just getting started, it might feel unnatural to break out the dirty talk right away. If you don’t already do it, try moaning and sighing more while making out to express how good he makes you feel.
- If you’re uncomfortable with moaning or you’re not sure how it should sound, start paying attention to the sounds you make on a regular basis — for example, maybe you let out an “Mmmm” or a little happy sigh when you eat something delicious. That can work in romantic situations, too!
2
Start with one word at a time. If you are normally on the quiet side when you’re making out, you probably aren't ready for full-on sentences yet. Start off with just one or two words at a time to show him you're enjoying yourself.
- Examples: “yes,” “that’s nice,” “oh god” (if you’re religious, you could say “oh my gosh” instead).
3
Pay attention to how you say things. How you say things is as important as what you say — for example, if you say “I love that” in a bored, monotone voice, it probably won’t sound sincere to your guy. Speaking in a breathy or lower pitch can help you sound a bit sexier. Whispering things in his ear is also nice!
- There is no need to cuss when engaging in dirty talk, so if you're really not comfortable with swearing, just don’t do it! “You’re so #@$!-ing hot" can be just as affective as “You’re so hot.”
- If you decide to speak in a lower pitch, be sure not to go too low — you don’t want to sound like your possessed!
Instead of saying “do you like it when I XYZ?” (XYZ meaning “fill in the blanks”) or “do you want me to XYZ?” do something and then ask him if he likes it.
5
Let him know when he's doing something right. Men have a lot of pride when it comes to romance. If he does something in bed that you enjoy, then say so. It will not only make him feel good, but will also encourage him to do it again in the future.
- Examples: “yeah, just like that”, “that feels amazing/so good”^{[10]
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- If you want him to do something but are too afraid to ask, say "I love it when you XYZ.”
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Tell him how excited he makes you. Knowing that you're enjoying yourself will make him enjoy himself even more than he already is. Examples of what to say:
- “I’ve been craving this all day.”
- “I’m so crazy about you.”
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Use the magic words. Want to send him over the edge? In a poll conducted by Cosmo magazine, men voted that the #1 hottest thing to say in bed is "I'm coming."^{[11]
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- Be sure that you’re actually coming before you say these words. If you say it when you don’t mean it, you’re not only lying to him, but if he comes as a result of it, you might end up stopping (or at the very least pausing) your make-out session!
If moaning doesn’t feel natural to you, it might be tempting to act how you think you should feel instead of how you actually feel; this can lead to over-acting. You don’t need to scream or gasp or be otherwise over the top to show how excited you are — doing so might even make you sound fake.
9
Pay attention to what he likes. If he enjoys what you’re doing, he’ll likely moan or tremble lightly, or even stop for a moment to collect himself before continuing to make out with you.
- If your partner is uncomfortable with what you say, he might also stop, but for different reasons, and it will likely be clear just from his body language — pulling away from you, not smiling, losing his hardness.
- If you two are able to communicate easily, he will likely just let you know verbally that he didn’t like what you said.
10
Be patient. Figuring out exactly what to say when talking dirty to your guy could take some time. As you try out more words and phrases, you’ll discover what works and what doesn’t.
- While moaning, sighing, and words like “oh god” and “yes” are generally well received, more extreme phrases (ex., phrases using swear words or explicitly describing sex acts) could make him uncomfortable.
- With open communication and attention to his body language, the two of you will figure out what works!

Join the Discussion...

Basic pointers how to dirty talk?

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WikiLemmingFlyer757

I (m33) have been with my gf (f34) for 2 years now. We both want to spice things up in the bedroom a little more with some dirty talk, but neithe... Read More

WikiAntelopeKeeper764

You'll get better and more comfortable as you go, I promise. :) A good "beginner-friendly" technique is asking her what she wants you to do to he... Read More

WikiGladeJumper104

Communication is key here! Different people like different things. Talk to your partner about if there are certain names or dynamics that especia... Read More

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Tips

Keep it varied so that you don’t become predictable. Sometimes make your dirty talk more obviously sexual (“I can’t wait to get you home tonight and do dirty things to you”); other times, keep it more light (“Mmm those are my favourite jeans on you!”).^{[12]
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Making out should be fun. If some time has passed and you’re still struggling with dirty talk, and neither of you seem to be enjoying it much, maybe it’s just not for you. If that’s the case, don’t get upset; move on to something that works better for the both of you (maybe games or toys).

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If you and your partner have goofy senses of humor, you might be able to work this into your dirty talk. It might be more appropriate to send goofy sexts than to be too silly in your dirty talk in the bedroom, but ultimately it’s about whatever works for you two!

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