What to Say to a Girl You Haven't Talked to in a While: 45+ Things to Say

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What to text her after not texting for a while

Co-authored by John Keegan and Luke Smith, MFA

Last Updated: January 6, 2025 Fact Checked

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Should you text her?

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What to Text or Say

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Making Plans & Meeting Up

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Best Ways to Contact Her

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More Sample Texts & A Sample Letter

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Video

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Expert Q&A

Getting back into contact with someone after not speaking for a while can feel tricky, but it’s easier than you think, and the reward is totally worth it, even if you’re nervous or doubtful. We talked to psychologists and dating and life coaches to tell you whether or not you should hit her up, what to say, the best ways to contact her, and how to meet up after a long time apart.

Texting Her After a Long Time

Reintroduce yourself in case she’s forgotten you.
Tell a joke or use humor to warm up the conversation.
Apologize for the gap in time.
Ask her how she’s doing to show interest.
Reminisce on an old memory to reforge a connection.
Use a holiday or a big event as an excuse to text.
Be honest and heartfelt to show you care.

Section 1 of 4:

Should you text her?

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Unless you stopped talking because of a fight, go for it! Life coach Christina Jay says, “It’s better to try and see what happens rather than keep waiting and wonder what if.” You’ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose, so shoot your shot. Worst case? She doesn’t respond, and you move on with your life. But the best case? You’ve made a lifelong connection.
- Practice more caution if you parted on bad terms, though. She may not be thrilled to hear from you. You can still try, but manage your expectations.
- If you just drifted apart, definitely go for it. She’ll probably be stoked to hear from you again and to reconnect.
- If they’re an ex, think carefully before you reconnect with them. It could just open old wounds for both of you.

Section 2 of 4:

What to Text or Say

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1
Re-introduce yourself to let her know who you are. If it’s been a minute, go ahead and introduce yourself again. While she might remember you, there’s a good chance she might not remember your name. In addition, remind her of how you know each other. Don’t be offended if she doesn’t know your name or forgets it later—it happens to everyone. Regardless, dating coach John Keegan says to keep it lighthearted.
- “Hey, Ann! It’s John—we know each other through Andy.”
- “Stacy! Anna here, we were on that group project together.”
- “Yo, this is Mike! We hung out for a moment last summer.”
- “It’s been a minute, but this is Meg! How are you?”
- “This is Grant! We matched on Tinder a while back.”
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Use a little humor to break the ice. A lighthearted joke will make a potentially awkward situation funny, and help remind her of your good qualities. Keegan says that “lightness” is key. It also gets you restarted on the right foot, and warms both of you up for a positive conversation. There are many ways you can do this:
- “Hey! Sorry I haven’t messaged, I have the memory of a goldfish and no object permanence.”
- “Woah, I think I just time-traveled; sorry for the gap in the messages.”
- “What are your thoughts on two people reconnecting after 3 months of silence?”
- “It’s been so long since we’ve talked that I’m basically a different person, so let me reintroduce myself?”
- “What’s tall, dark, handsome, and terrible at texting? Me!”
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Ask her how she is doing. Contact her and start up a conversation about how she's doing in life. If you're interested in a romantic relationship with her, this is a good way to find out if she is available. In addition, this is a very honest and straightforward way of reinitiating contact.
- “It’s been a while since we spoke. How are you doing?”
- “So, what’s going on with work these days?”
- “Have you spoken to Mary recently? Wondering how you both are doing.”
- “Heard you had an accident. Are you doing alright?”
- “How are you holding up these days?”
- “Thought I’d check in! It’s been way too long.”
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Apologize for your silence if it’s your fault. If you didn’t follow up after a date or left her on read, then just popping back into her life is a bad look. Take a moment to apologize and explain yourself. This tells her that you’ve learned and grown, and won’t just ghost her again in the future.^{[1]
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- “Sorry I left you hanging. Things got crazy for me all of a sudden. Can I make it up to you?”
- “Apologies for falling off the face of the earth. I climbed back up!”
- “That’s my bad, I’m terrible at keeping up with people. I’d like to keep up with you, though.”
- “Sorry, I’m terrible at texting, and I’d like to change that.”
- “My apologies for not keeping in touch. It’s been crazy for me lately.”
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Tell her that something made you think of her. Jay recommends that you “simply reach out and say you’ve been thinking about them.” This is an easy way to strike up a conversation. Maybe you saw her post something interesting online, or maybe someone said something that reminded you of her. Mentioning this when you talk to her is a sweet gesture that shows that you’re thinking of her.
- “That screenshot you posted on your story is wild. Where was that?”
- “My friend just mentioned X-Files and I thought of you. You still into it? Should I give it a shot?”
- “I just saw someone who looks just like you and said hi. So embarrassing. I gotta redeem myself, so here I am.”
- “Was talking to an old buddy about frogs, and remembered you’re a biologist. Can I ask you a frog question?”
- “Finally saw that movie you mentioned. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to check it out!”
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Bring up an old memory if you were friends in the past. If you’re reconnecting with someone you used to be close to, reminiscing on a fond memory you share is a great way to establish an immediate connection. It helps you both get back into the rhythm of your relationship, back when you were closer.^{[2]
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- “I just remembered that time you fell into the river. Hope you’ve been staying dry since then!”
- “Remember those late-night talks we had? I could use one of those again.”
- “Just remembered your birthday party last year and knew I had to hit you up again.”
- “Do you remember that movie we saw together? They’re making a sequel!”
- “Just got a job in marketing, like you had years back. Any tips?”
7
Use a holiday or special occasion as an excuse. Psychologist Adam Dorsay says that “a specific occasion, like a birthday” is a great excuse to reconnect. Pretend you’re just wishing them a merry Christmas or a happy birthday, then transition into a more in-depth conversation. Plus, this is a great way to test the waters and see if they respond.
- “Merry Christmas, Gina! Any holiday plans?”
- “Happy New Year! It’s been a minute. How’s your year been?”
- “Drew’s having a little reunion at the bowling alley tomorrow. Will I see you there?”
- “Heard you’re getting your book published! Huge congrats!”
- “I saw that you’re going on a huge trip. We’ll have to reconnect when you get back.”
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Show your appreciation to flatter her. Sometimes, the best strategy is just being honest. You want to reconnect because you admire her, so tell her that! This helps rebuild that connection and makes it clear that you value her, even if you haven’t spoken in a while.
- “Hey, it bums me out that I’ve let this connection slip. You’re super cool. Can we hang out?”
- “Realized I don’t have anyone who’s down to travel with me anymore. Up for a trip?”
- “I miss your jokes! Let’s link back up?”
- “Missing my climbing buddy. You down to hit the gym?”
- “I remember those cookies you used to make. So good. Got that recipe?”
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Be honest and earnest to keep the vibe warm and friendly. It might be tempting to pretend you didn’t mean to hit her up or to play it cool, but that just sends mixed messages. Keep it real! Keegan says it’s alright to say things like “I really miss you.” She’ll appreciate the clear communication and honesty. It tells her you really mean what you say about reconnecting.
- “I really miss spending time with you. Can we make plans?”
- “I hope this isn’t too awkward, but I’ve been wanting to reconnect for a while. How are you?”
- “I made a mistake letting this friendship slip. I want to fix that.”
- “I miss you! Dying to meet up sometime if you’re down.”
- “This is out of the blue, but I thought of you the other day. How goes it?”
- “It’d mean a lot to me to get back in touch, if that’s alright with you.”

Section 3 of 4:

Making Plans & Meeting Up

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1
Invite her to a casual meetup or event. Whatever way you contact her, invite her to an event you’re attending or hosting. This way, it will seem that you are interested in her, but it won’t be too forward. By inviting her to an event, you’ll give her the opportunity to meet you in a low-stakes situation.^{[3]
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- If you’re throwing a party with roommates or friends, this is probably a good time to reestablish contact with a girl you might be interested in.
- If you’re going to an event or party somewhere with a group of friends, reach out and invite her to join your group.
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Ask if she wants to join you for something lowkey. Keegan recommends inviting her to “something simple” as a small first step. Suggest something that seems fun and casual. This is important, as you’re likely to strike out if she thinks you’re asking her on a formal date. Instead, consider inviting her to join you:
- For coffee with friends.
- For a drink at a place you both already hang out.
- At some sort of event you both are interested in. For example, ask if she’d like to meet you after a concert or ask if she’ll be going to a certain campus organization meeting.
If she ignores your texts, phone calls, social media messages, or otherwise sends the signal that she isn’t interested in you, leave her be. The chemistry isn’t there anymore, Keegan says, and that’s okay. Give her the opportunity to contact you. If she doesn’t, she’s not interested.

Section 4 of 4:

Best Ways to Contact Her

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Keegan says that texting is great because it gives her the time and space to respond without pressure. However, when texting her, remember to keep it short, instead of writing paragraphs. Also, don’t ask to hang out with her right away. Instead, engage in some light banter, joke with her, and ask her how she’s doing.
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Approach her in person, if you get the chance. If you happen to run into her in a public setting, you can choose to simply walk up to her and start talking to her. “Don't overthink it,” Dorsay says. This is by far the most direct approach and might take some guts, but it also has the best chance of success. When you approach her:
- Try to make eye contact before you talk to her, so you don’t startle her.
- Keep a relaxed and casual posture, and be sure to smile.
- Make the interaction short, and make plans to talk more later, unless you really hit it off and both want to catch up right away.
3
Contact her on social media. Keegan says that messaging her on social media is also a good method. Send a message (keep it short), like one of her posts, or simply comment on something she posts or says. In addition, you could also tag her in a photograph–reminding her of the good times you once had together.
- If you message her on social media, send her something short like, "Long time, no talk. What's going on?"
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Call her for a more personal but less intrusive interaction. Dorsay says that over the phone, “you can really feel the person's feelings.” Calling her is very direct and personal. It’s also one of the simplest and easiest ways to reestablish contact. She’ll probably be surprised to see your contact and may pick up out of curiosity, which gives you a foot in the door.
- If you call her, start off by honestly explaining yourself. Introduce yourself and then say, "I remember that good time we had last fall, and I was wondering what you were up to."
- If you call her and she doesn’t answer, don’t call back. Leave a message or a missed call. If she wants to contact you, she will.

Texts and Letter to a Girl You Haven't Spoken to In a While

Sample Texts to a Girl You Havent Spoken to In a While

Sample Letter Template to a Girl You Havent Spoken to In a While

Expert Q&A

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Question

What should I say when I reach out to her?

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.

Christina Jay, NLP

Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Simply reach out and say you’ve been thinking about her a lot and you wanted to reach out. It’s better to try and see what happens rather than keep waiting and wonder what could happen.

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Question

If we haven't seen each other in two years and she is a year younger than me, would it be ok to ask her out too?

Community Answer

In most cases, yes. However, you shouldn't just start by asking her out. Talk to her first. Spend some time -- days or even a week or two -- find out what she's been up to over the last couple years. Then, ask if she wants to meet up for something simple and low stakes. Maybe a concert or even just a walk in the park.

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How do I talk to girl that I haven't seen in a while when I run into her at work?

Community Answer

Just talk to her about simple, work related stuff, then find out what she does for fun, and if she is in a relationship.

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