How to Tell Your Parents About Your Crush

Co-authored by Omar Ruiz, LMFT

Last Updated: October 22, 2023

So you have that beautiful person in your mind? You're thinking about them constantly, but haven't told anyone yet? You've finally decided to tell your parents! However, do you find keeping your cool too hard? Or you're not sure if you're parents will like the idea of you liking someone? Here's how to successfully tell your parents that you have a crush!

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Planning Ahead

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1
Plan out what you want to tell them. Your parents need to know about your crush—especially if you hope to someday date that special someone—but just how much do you want to tell them? How do you want them to see your crush? Think about your relationship or where you are with your crush. You want your parents to feel as though you're responsible about this person, and you're not making any stupid moves or being annoying (calling your crush 5 times a day, for example).
- If you think about what you want to say, you'll be more prepared and might feel calmer.
- Be honest. Planning to lie to your parents about what your crush is like or how you interact with your crush will usually backfire. If your crush is a really great person and you're genuinely ready to date them, you won't have anything to hide, anyway!
2
Wait until you're sure it's a crush. Wait until you're sure it's a full on, crush-crush. You don't want to embarrass yourself by saying you have a crush and then find out you don't.
- Similarly, if your crush has been going on for months, it might develop into an actual relationship—especially if you've gotten to know them well and if you think they may like you back.
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3
Make sure your crush is a likeable person. Before you go any further, make sure that your crush isn't really a bully or has done something bad, like theft. If they have, don't continue pursuing that person. Find another love—there's someone out there for you. Don't join in with that person no matter how much you like them. You will be marked forever.
- Remember it's okay to feel bad if you find out your crush does bad things. Your feelings were still real, even if they aren't the person you initially hoped they were.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Telling Them the News

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1
Stay calm! The trick to remaining composed while telling your parents is staying calm. You'll want to take several deep breaths that go in through your nose and out through your mouth. Remember—you're only telling them about your crush and not that someone proposed to you! It's okay to feel a little nervous if you think they'll be disapproving.
- Wait until you feel good enough to tell them. You'll probably still have butterflies in your stomach, but it will be over soon.
2
Find a good time to tell them. Look around for a good time when it's just you and them. If you are an only child, that should be easy. A good time would be during dinner or lunch, but if you can catch them watching TV, that can be a good time too. It doesn't matter where you are if you don't care who hears you, so just look for anytime when something else isn't taking their full attention.
- The best time to tell them is when they're in a good mood and aren't busy, not when they are cooking dinner or feeding the baby while trying to wrap presents.
3
Say it. Just say it. Once you've found a good time, you only have to say the words. This seems so easy, and it is! You just have to get the words out of your mouth and then you're off. Start with a simple, "Mom, Dad, I..." and you're almost done. Don't force it; it will come out naturally when you're ready.
- If you have to, wait a little while before you tell them.
- If you need to, write out what you want to say on a slip of paper. Then all you have to do is read the words.
4
Make your crush sound as good as you can, but don't leave out all of their flaws. So that your parents see your crush as you see your crush, tell them all the good things. Talk about the time they helped out with the school carnival, helped raise awareness of child abuse, etc. This will help your parents see the good side of your crush, and realize that they're a good person. That being said, don't make them sound like an angel if they aren't.
- Answer any questions your parents have honestly. If they want to know who your crush's parents are, tell them the truth.
- You don't want to emphasize your crush's weak points, but showing some awareness about how your crush isn't perfect can help your parents see that you're viewing your crush realistically as the person they actually are.
5
Show them a picture, if you wish. Showing your parents a picture of your special someone (if you have one) can help both you and your parents. You, because they might ask questions and you have no choice but to answer them. Your parents, because then they can get a better idea of them.
- If you don't want to, or don't have a picture, that's okay. This step is totally optional.
6
Tell them why you like your crush. If you want, tell your parents why you like them so that they can get a better understanding of what's so different about this person.
- If there was a specific moment when you started liking your crush, you might tell them the story. For instance, maybe you started liking them after you saw them taking a stand for something important.
- On the other hand, you may not know when you started liking your crush, and that's okay too! Just tell them what qualities attract you to your crush instead.
If you know of a really cool school project they’ve taken part in, or if they’re really good at math, tell your parents so that they know your crush is as awesome as you think they are.
8
Respect your parents' concerns and wishes. Odds are, they'll say it's okay for you have a crush. After all, they've probably had at least one in their childhood, too! However, if they say they don't like the idea of you dating them or hanging out with them one-on-one, you need to respect their decision.
- Remember that they're just trying to protect you and aren't being mean! Don't continue with your relationship in secret since that could get you in trouble.

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Tips

Be brave! Keep your cool and then just tell them. You have a crush, and it's normal.

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You can tell your parents one at a time, if you wish. Chances are that the one will tell the other.

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