This article was reviewed by John Keegan. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
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Sometimes a date (or several) can go great, but at the end of the night, you’re just not vibing with the woman you’ve been seeing. It happens to everybody at some point, and the best way to move on with minimal hurt feelings is to just tell her how you feel. In this article, we’ll walk you through the best way to let her down respectfully and sincerely. Trust us, you’ll both feel better (eventually) after an honest, simple chat.
Steps
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
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Know that any feelings that come up for you or her are normal and healthy. You don't need to rescue her from her sadness.Thanks
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Be clear and direct in your communication, while also being kind. Do have some compassion for the fact that her feelings may have been more extreme than yours, and allow for some upset.Thanks
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Don't take to long telling her that you don't love her otherwise that will just hurt her more.Thanks
Warnings
- Do not use the "I just don't want to be in a relationship" excuse unless it is the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Nothing hurts more than being lied to, and if you get a new girlfriend a couple of months later, she'll know you were dishonest.Thanks
- Do not attempt to console her by telling her she'll find someone someday. She very likely will, but as the person dumping her, there's no way you can say it without sounding condescending.Thanks
- If the woman is very attached to you, it may be prudent to tell her this in a more private setting, so that in case she gets upset, there won't be an ugly, public scene.Thanks
- If she has fallen for you, she will probably cry at least a little. Stay calm, and remember that telling her now is MUCH better than leading her on and wasting her time!Thanks
- If stalking has been or becomes an issue, take it seriously right away, by taking appropriate action. Stalking - or instilling fear into a reasonable person without outside encouragement - is considered a crime and should therefore not be taken lightly. Do what many targets of stalkers fail to do - contact the police.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-tell-someone-youre-not-interested-without-hurting-feelings-lbkr/
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-tell-the-truth-in_b_3414805
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-tell-someone-you-dont-like-them-without-being-a-5849558
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201501/6-ways-make-clean-break
About This Article
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