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We hope we never have to, but eventually, we all have to be there for someone after their loved one passes away. What can you even say in such a sad situation? There’s no perfect or “right” thing to say, but you can comfort a person in grief by expressing your sympathy, checking in on them, and sharing memories while they process their loss. We’ve put together a helpful list of things to say when someone passes away so you can support the people you care about while they grieve. Keep reading if you’re ready to reach out.

1

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

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  1. It might sound generic, but it lets the grieving person know you’re sympathetic to what they’re going through. Keep it simple for acquaintances, or add more thoughtful support for someone closer to you.[1]
    • “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.”
    • “I’m sorry to hear this horrible news.”
    • “I’m saddened to hear about what happened. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.”
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2

“I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.”

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3

“I’m so very sorry your uncle died.”

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  1. Many people have an instinct to dance around what happened to avoid sounding insensitive. Be direct and show you’re open to talking about death and dying. Chances are the grieving person will open up more if you feel at ease with the subject.[3]
    • “I’m so sorry to hear your brother died.”
    • “I’m so sad to hear Beverly died yesterday. I’m thinking about you!”
    • “I just heard about your aunt dying. I’m so sorry.”
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4

“This is such horrible news.”

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  1. Positive phrases like “At least they’re not suffering anymore” or “You have so much still to be thankful for” might seem comforting, but they do little to console a grieving person who wishes their loved one was still with them.[4]
    • “This is so sad! Please know I’m always here for you.”
    • “This must be devastating for you. I’m so, so sorry.”
    • “I can’t believe this horrible news. I’m keeping you in my prayers.”
6

“I’m thinking of you.”

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  1. Many people in grief have a hard time reaching out and need others to put in the effort. Tell them you’re thinking about them when you hear the bad news, but also in the following weeks and months as they adjust to life without a loved one.[6]
    • “I’m thinking about you and your family.”
    • “I’m keeping you in my thoughts while you find your way through this.”
    • “I just heard what happened. I’m so sorry, I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.”
7

“I’ll keep you in my prayers.”

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8

“I’m here to listen.”

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  1. by listening to their stories and feelings. A sympathetic ear goes a long way towards making someone feel better since many people need to talk or vent aloud to navigate their grief. Let them know you’re a safe space for them to let it all out and focus on listening non-judgmentally.[8]
    • “I’m here for you, whether you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to.”
    • “You can always hit me up to chat. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.”
    • “I’m here to listen anytime. If you ever want to talk, just let me know.”
    • It’s best to be a listener rather than a speaker to ensure you’re not saying anything offensive while letting them know you want to help them through the grieving process.
9

“I’ll bring you dinner tonight.”

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  1. Asking “How can I help?” is thoughtful, but sometimes it puts pressure on the bereaved to figure out what they need when they’re not sure. Tell them what you’d like to do for them, or offer some assistance and ask if that’s something they’d like.[9]
    • “I’m making lasagna tonight, I’ll bring some over to you.”
    • “I was thinking I’d come over to mow the lawn for you this weekend, is that OK with you?”
    • “Let me drive the kids to school this week. I’m happy to help any way I can!”
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10

“I have so many fond memories of them.”

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  1. They’ll be comforted knowing that others miss their loved one as well, and chances are you’ll bring them joy by reminiscing on the good times you had with them.[10] Think about the memories that stand out the most, or the feelings or thoughts that are attached to those memories.
    • “My favorite memory of your grandpa is the time he took us fishing when we were kids.”
    • “I remember the time your mom caught us trying to get back into your house after we snuck out. Nothing ever got past her!”
    • “I’ll never forget how supportive John was when I was recovering from surgery a few years ago. He was such a kind man.”
11

“They had such an impact.”

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  1. It’s incredibly uplifting for a grieving person to hear how their loved one inspired, helped, or influenced a person or community. It shows the bereaved that they’re not alone in missing and appreciating them.[11]
    • “Alaya’s dedication to her students was unmatched. We were all so lucky to learn from her.”
    • “Dr. Owens was a pillar of this town. I don’t know a single person that didn’t look forward to seeing her creative costumes in the Halloween parade every year.”
    • “Your brother was such a kind man to everyone. He showed me what it means to give back to a community.”
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12

“I’ll miss Sasha.”

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13

“They were such a wonderful person.”

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  1. It doesn’t have to be super specific if you didn’t know them well. Acknowledging their kindness, humor, or generosity humanizes their memory, and it comforts their loved ones to hear praise from those who knew them.[13]
    • “No one ever made me laugh harder at a party than Alannah.”
    • “Your grandmother was one of the smartest people I ever met.”
    • “I loved coming to your house as a kid. Your dad was always so welcoming.”
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14

“Take as long as you need to grieve.”

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  1. Everyone processes loss differently, but many people feel pressured to “bounce back” quickly. Offer them hope and sympathy by telling them to feel their feelings for as long as they need to—they’ll move on when they’re ready.[14]
    • “Take your time. One day, you’ll find a way through this.”
    • “No one’s expecting you to feel better any time soon. Take as long as you need to process this.”
    • “Take as long as you need. There’s no timeline for what you’re going through.”
15

“Your feelings are valid.”

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  1. They might be feeling depression, anger, shock, denial, bitterness, or any combination of these things and more. It might even be directed at the deceased person. Resist telling them to move on and let them feel what they feel.[15]
    • “There’s no right thing to feel at a time like this.”
    • “Whatever emotions you’re experiencing right now are correct.”
    • “It’s OK to feel that way. No one expects you to act a certain way during all this.”
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16

“It’s OK to cry if you need to.”

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  1. Many people feel pressure to hide their tears or put on a “strong face” when they experience loss. Accept their feelings and tell them they can cry in front of you without fear of judgment or criticism.[16]
    • “Cry as much as you want. I’m here for you regardless.”
    • “It’s OK to let it all out!”
    • “Never be embarrassed to cry. You’re going through a hard time.”

What Are Comforting Things to Say When Someone’s Loved One Passes Away?


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Tips

  • If you're absolutely not sure what to say or know the person well/are comfortable around the person and vice versa, ask if you can hug the person. Just letting the person have your physical presence will mean so much to them, even if neither of you are able to say anything at the moment.
  • Be genuine when you speak to the person. The grieving person can pick up on this and know that you are a safe, caring person they can come to if need be.
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Warnings

  • Don't turn the attention to yourself. Doing so can cause the person to be confused and even upset, and that certainly does not help the person in their grief.


  • Avoid giving advice unless asked for it. The easy thing is to give advice and try to fix the person's grief, but this can only make the situation worse for the grieving person than it already is.
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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about condolences, check out our in-depth interview with Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP.

About This Article

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Co-authored by:
Communication Therapist
This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and by wikiHow staff writer, Dan Hickey. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers. This article has been viewed 405,243 times.
4 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 9
Updated: November 16, 2024
Views: 405,243
Categories: Featured Articles | Death
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 405,243 times.

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