This article was reviewed by Allison Broennimann, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
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Do you ever feel unloved by friends, family, or a partner, or catch yourself wondering, “Am I unlovable?” The short answer to that question is: definitely not. However, there are plenty of reasons you might feel that way, even if it’s not true, which is why we’re here to help. You’re not alone, and fortunately, there are many ways to overcome your worries. In this article, we’ll cover everything you need to know about feeling unlovable and how to address it, from all the possible reasons you may be feeling unlovable to advice on raising your self-esteem and accepting how lovable you really are.
Things You Should Know
- When you feel unlovable, you may believe that other people can’t or won’t love you. However, feeling unlovable doesn’t actually make you unlovable.
- Factors like low self-esteem, childhood trauma, and abandonment issues may lead you to feel like you’re unlovable, even though you’re absolutely worthy of love.
- Overcome your self-defeating feelings by cultivating a more positive mindset. Try affirmations for self-love, like “I am always enough,” and “I deserve happiness.”
Steps
Expert Q&A
Tips
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Studies are showing that sometimes when we draw conclusions based on our attachment style, we think that we are wrong/others are wrong. This thinking leads us to feel disconnected and hopeless about the future, but that is us projecting that feeling onto the future.[20]Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-at-the-broken-places/201605/the-myth-of-being-unlovable-part-1
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/abandonment
- ↑ https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/emotional-abuse/
- ↑ https://cmhc.utexas.edu/selfesteem.html
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unloved-in-childhood-common-effects-on-your-adult-self
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-18368-010
- ↑ https://dictionary.apa.org/selective-attention
- ↑ https://sk.sagepub.com/reference/behavioralsciences/n2284.xml
- ↑ https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression
- ↑ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prescriptions-for-life/201803/how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unloved-in-childhood-common-effects-on-your-adult-self
- ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/
- ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unloved-in-childhood-common-effects-on-your-adult-self
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unloved-in-childhood-common-effects-on-your-adult-self
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unloved-in-childhood-common-effects-on-your-adult-self
- ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0010945220300356