How to Ask a Girl out if You Are a Girl

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: October 19, 2024 Approved

If you are a woman and a member of the LGBT community, asking another woman out might be a bit intimidating for you. Though the fear of rejection is real, the prospects of a beautiful relationship should be all the more important.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Gauging Her Interest

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1
Notice her body language. Oftentimes, a woman’s interest level is very obvious if you pay attention to her body language. Many women will touch you slightly or lean into you as you speak if they are interested. You might also catch her glancing at you from across the room and making eye contact with you at times when you are not even speaking. These signs could mean that she likes you.
- If you know her to be a shy person, however, or see that she is reserved around others, then perhaps gauging her body language is not the best indicator of interest.
2
Talk to mutual friends. Your mutual friends, if you have them, will also be able to give you great insights on how to ask her out and especially in gauging her interest in you. If they ever have the chance to be around the both of you simultaneously, ask them to see if they can pick up on any vibes from her that would indicate interest.
- You might ask them for advice as well on how to talk to her and ask her out.
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She might not be showing interest in you because you have not shown any in her. As you are gauging her interest in you, you should be progressively and subtly showing interest in her. Pay attention to her when she’s talking and always say ‘hello’ when you see her and greet her with a smile.^{[1]
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4
Determine her relationship status. Before you consider pursuing any woman, you should determine her relationship status. Perhaps the woman you are interested in is a friend or someone you know. If she is in a relationship, it is probably not best to ask her out, as this could be seen as being disrespectful. If you don’t know the girl well, however, see if you can ask around about her to determine if she’s dating someone.
- Social media can be helpful in this area, as well. Facebook has a relationship option so that you can indicate whether or not you are dating someone. She might also post about her significant other, if she has one, on other social media sites.
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Learn if she is bisexual, lesbian or has a romantic preference to women. Just because she doesn't have anything against LGBT people doesn't always mean that she's LGBT herself. See if you can find out from mutual friends if she is interested in women. You might also be able to tell from her social media posts if you have access to her page.
- You could also approach her and ask something like “are you here with your boyfriend?” If she is not in a relationship or is not heterosexual, she might disclose both to you.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I a Lesbian?

Wondering if you’re into girls? Whether your TikTok’s “For You” page is suspiciously full of WLW content or whether you have zero idea what that means but think the girl from that coffee shop is ''really'' pretty… this quiz is for you.

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Have you ever gotten “butterflies” around a girl?

Yes, for sure.

Only when this one specific girl talks to me or looks at me or shows me physical affection.

I’ve felt nervous around a girl before, but I wouldn’t call it “butterflies.”

No. Don’t think so.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Asking Her Out

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1
Ask for her number. Before you ask her out, you will want to have a way to contact her first. If you don’t already have her number, ask her if you could have it so you can call or text her sometime. If you don’t see her often in person, you could reach out to her via social media to ask.^{[2]
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- You might say something like “I wanted to know if maybe we could talk or text sometime? If so, I’d like to have your number.”
2
Ask in person. If possible, make sure you ask her on a date in person. This will typically be received better, will be taken more seriously, and is more romantic than asking via phone or text. Try to identify a time when the two of you can be alone and ask her at that time.
- You could even text her something like “hey, are you gonna be around at 1PM today? I have something to ask you.”
3
Accept the outcome. Her response to you may be positive or it may be negative. Either way, you should work to accept the outcome. If she accepts your offer to take her out, then great! Work on planning a nice date for her. However, if she states that she is not interested, that is okay, too. Move forward and consider other options.
- Respect her privacy. She may be LGBT but not want others to know. If she communicates this to you, do not out her. Allow her to do that on her own terms.
4
Be direct. Avoid statements like “wanna hangout?” This could be construed by her as a completely friendly invitation to hangout in a non-romantic way. If you have intentions to date her, then you will need to be much more clear with her.
- Say something like “I was wondering if I could take you on a date this weekend to a new restaurant downtown.”
5
Plan a thoughtful and fun date. If she does accept your offer to take her on a date, you should now begin planning or finalizing your plans on where you will take her. It is nice when you do all of the primary planning for the date but find a way to include her interests and likes, as well.^{[3]
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- Ask her if she has any dietary restrictions so that you know what kind of restaurants to take her to or to stay away from.
- If you pick dinner, allow her to pick the movies.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Flirting With Her

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1
Make eye contact. Direct eye contact indicates interest in what the other person is saying and showcases that you care and are listening. Eye contact can also indicate desire for or interest in another person, particularly if you smile while looking at them. Always maintain eye contact with your love interest.
- Don’t stare for too long, however. This might be offputting to her.
When the two of you are speaking, find ways to reach out and touch her slightly. Don’t do anything overt or intense, but instead place your hand on her shoulder for a few seconds. Also, if she has something on her face like an eyelash, you can offer to get it off, but always ask first.^{[4]
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Be confident. Women, and people in general, respond positively to those who are confident.^{[5]
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Research source} Don’t approach her stammering over your words or twiddling your fingers. Instead, stroll up cooly and calmly and then proceed to talk to her.
- Take a few deep breaths to calm down before you approach her if you are nervous.
- Practice your approach in the mirror.
4
Make her laugh. One of the easiest ways to talk to any woman is by making her laugh. Most people enjoy a good joke or a humorous person, so try a few funny stories on her or come up with something funny in the moment to get her attention. ^{[6]
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- You might make fun of something like the cafeteria lunch or make a joke about something funny a coworker did to make her laugh.
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Compliment her. Women also tend to respond positively to being complimented. Find something about her that you like in particular and compliment her on it. While it is nice to receive compliments on your physical appearance, it can also be nice to be complimented on aspects of your character or your work.
- You might say something like “I noticed some of your artwork the other day and it’s phenomenal!”
6
Get to know her. As you begin the process of flirting with her, make sure you are also working to actively get to know her, as well. Ask her questions about herself and her life to begin developing a bigger picture of who she is as a person.^{[7]
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- Make sure you don’t ask questions that are too personal if you don’t know her well, however.
- Maybe ask things like what she does for fun or her favorite book or movie.
- This will also help you determine whether or not you officially want to ask her out.

Community Q&A

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Question

Should I ask her if she wants to go on a date in person or through text?

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In person is better normally, but if you think you can only do it through a text, that is fine. My girlfriend wrote me a letter to explain that she liked me and had a friend deliver it and I loved that. Just do what works for you.

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When do you first kiss her?

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Kiss her only if you think she likes you back and would accept the kiss. Being that it will be your first kiss with her, do it somewhere private, so if she welcomes it, it will be more special. However, if she doesn't accept it, nobody else will see if you get rejected. Don't let it be a huge surprise to her though; the key is timing. If it feels like it is right then it probably is but if not, then wait. Don't drown her in your kiss or go overboard - it is the first kiss. Eiither let her deepen it or wait for a more intimate kiss when the time is appropriate.

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What are some signs that she likes me back?

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Some signs may include: If she flirts with you or smiles and laughs a lot when she's around you. If she blushes or looks down shyly. However, you need a group of signs, not just one, before you can see a pattern of being liked enough.

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Tips

Try to keep conversations lighthearted until the right time. Until then, be sensitive, sweet, and caring. Try to have a good sense of humor. If she laughs and replies with her own joke, that is when you know that she can be herself around you.

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Try buying her coffee/tea. Ask her what her favorite is and then buy it for her.

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Be there for her when she needs you.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

You need to be 100% sure that she is a lesbian, or bisexual, because if you just straight up ask her on a date, it may not end up the way you intended it to. Take it slow, and get the necessary facts about her before you move into asking her out.
If you wanna kiss them or touch them, ask first in case it makes them uncomfortable. Just be like "Is this ok?" or "Is it ok if i can kiss you " or something like that.

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Warnings

If she's straight, don't try to change her. Nothing good can come from this.

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If you are a lesbian or bisexual girl and she strongly has an opinion against LGBT people, it's probably not best to spend too much time around her. The result may be hurt feelings and/or being victim of a stereotype.

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Do not change yourself for her.

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If she doesn't want to be your girlfriend, she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Don't dwell on it and pester her until she says yes, because more than likely you're reducing your chances.

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