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Having feelings for a close friend is hard. But what if they’re the same gender as you? And what if you’re not entirely sure of your sexuality, or theirs? These are the murky circumstances that make up a homoerotic relationship, or a friendship where both people have romantic feelings for each other but can’t or won’t admit to it out of fear of ruining their friendship or coming to terms with their sexuality. In this article, we’ll dive more into what these relationships are like, how to tell if you’re in one, and what to do to find clarity and define your relationship.
Note: We’re using the term “queer” here to describe a variety of sexual orientations other than straight, including gay, lesbian, bi, pan, poly, and more. We’re also using “men” and “women” to discuss gender since the available research and anecdotes on same-sex friendships use those terms. Gender and sexual identities are complex and exist on a spectrum, and you can experience a homoerotic friendship no matter how you identify.
Homoerotic Friendship Meaning
A homoerotic friendship is a relationship where friends of the same gender have romantic feelings for one another, but don’t admit to it out of fear of ruining the friendship or discomfort with their sexuality. These friendships are intimate, intense, and may feel almost romantic (without the physical component).
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- ↑ https://hellowinx.com/blogs/real-talk/are-homoerotic-female-friendships-a-rite-of-passage?srsltid=AfmBOoqbdLUZDGk_DKCUr98ldf6PKcjbbdpwfEFbT4BAIcf7AuhWBB8K
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201808/the-importance-female-friendships-among-women
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/gay-and-lesbian-well-being/201506/gay-men-and-straight-men-friends
- ↑ https://www.chicagotribune.com/2022/09/27/ask-anna-on-confusing-intimate-queer-friendships/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/6cy9DU4fvwg?t=2980
- ↑ https://www.chicagotribune.com/2022/09/27/ask-anna-on-confusing-intimate-queer-friendships/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/6cy9DU4fvwg?t=3017
- ↑ https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identity/friends-or-lovers-complexities-queer-love
- ↑ https://www.aromanticism.org/en/basic-terms
- ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/wellness/homoerotic-female-friendship-draw-boundaries/
- ↑ https://www.chicagotribune.com/2022/09/27/ask-anna-on-confusing-intimate-queer-friendships/
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/i-fell-in-love-with-my-best-friend/
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/i-fell-in-love-with-my-best-friend/
- ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/no-youre-not-in-love-with-him-you-just-want-to-be-him
- ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/no-youre-not-in-love-with-him-you-just-want-to-be-him