How to Hook Up with a Girl

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: September 14, 2024 Fact Checked

Hooking up with a girl can be fun for both you and her, as long as you're both into it. If you're feeling bold, flirt with girls you meet in person to see if they're interested in a casual hookup. Alternatively, connect with girls through dating apps so you can flirt with multiple girls at once. When you've found a girl who seems to be interested, invite her to meet up in private for a potential hook-up.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Flirting with Girls in Person

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1
Make eye contact and smile at a girl you like to get her attention. When you see a girl who interests you, look her in the eyes and hold her gaze for 2-3 seconds. While you’re making eye contact, flash her a big grin to let her know you’re interested in her.^{[1]
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- If she smiles back, go over and talk to her.
- If she looks away or frowns, go on to the next girl who you find attractive.
2
Say “hello” to open a conversation. Start off a conversation with her by just saying “Hi.” If she greets you back, make small talk and ask her basic questions about herself. Keep talking to her as long as she seems interested in having a conversation.^{[2]
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- Say something like, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room,” “Hi! Can I get your advice on what to order?” or “Hey, I'm Todd. How's it going?”
- If a girl isn’t looking at you or seems uninterested in talking, she’s probably not going to want to hookup with you. It’s best to start looking for someone else who might be more into it.
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3
Touch her lightly on her arm, shoulder, or back while talking to her. Touching is a great way to flirt. As you talk to her, make first contact by touching her forearm or shoulder. If she seems comfortable with the touch, try touching her again.^{[3]
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Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} This shows her you’re interested in her without you having to tell her.^{[4]
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- If she pulls away, it’s likely that she’s not interested in sex at the moment. That’s totally okay! Say something like, “It’s been great getting to know you, but I need to get back to my friend,” or “It was nice meeting you, but I’ll let you get back to your night.” Then, start looking for another girl.
4
Watch for signs she may be interested in you. Notice if she's smiling a lot and has nervous body language, such as fidgeting, shifting around, and twirling her hair. Additionally, consider how often she touches you, like brushing your arm or leaning against you. If she's into you, she'll likely act giddy and will probably find reasons to touch you.^{[5]
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Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}^{[6]
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- If she's acting nervous and she's frowning, it's more likely that she's not interested. It's best to give her space and focus on finding someone else.
5
Be yourself when you’re talking to her. You really want to impress this girl, so it’s understandable that you’d want to use a pick-up line or pretend to be someone you’re not. However, most girls find this to be a big turn-off. You’re more likely to find a girl who’s interested in having sex with you if you let her get to know you. Just talk to her about you’re interests and what you’re doing with your life.^{[7]
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- For instance, don’t come on hard with something like, “I can make you feel so good, baby.” She probably won’t like that. Instead, share something about yourself, such as, “I don’t know about you, but I really needed happy hour today. Can you believe it’s only Tuesday?”
6
Connect with her by getting to know her better. While you might not be interested in having a relationship with this girl, she’s more likely to hook up with you if she feels like you care about her. Ask her questions about what she likes to do, and really listen to what she has to say. You don’t need to get her whole life story, but make sure you know something about her.^{[8]
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- You might ask questions like, “What do you do in your free time?” “What are your career goals?” or “What bands are you listening to now?”
7
Compliment her appearance so she feels good about herself. Girls are more interested in sex when they’re feeling confident about their looks. Additionally, giving compliments shows a girl you’re interested in her.^{[9]
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Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Point out 1 or 2 things that you like about her looks to make her feel special.^{[10]
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- Say something like, “You have a really beautiful smile,” or “You look stunning in this dress.”
Warning: Stick to 1 or 2 compliments. If you shower her with compliments, she’ll likely get uncomfortable and pull away from you.
8
Wait until she feels comfortable before bringing up sex. You might have sex on your mind, but it’s best to keep that to yourself. Talking about sex too early in a conversation is usually a big turn off. Keep your conversation casual until she’s talking freely and seems comfortable with you.^{[11]
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- Some signs she’s comfortable with you might include eye contact, smiling, laughing, touching you, and sharing intimate details about herself. As you notice these signs, you can get a little more bold.^{[12]
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
9
Be honest that your intentions are to have a hook up. It's unfair to mislead a girl into thinking you're interested in a relationship if you really just want to hook up with her.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Tell the girl directly that you're not interested in something serious right now. Explain that you're hoping to meet someone who wants to have some casual fun with you. This way, you're both on the same page.^{[14]
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- If she's not interested in hooking up, thank her for her time and move on. You might say, "I totally understand. Thank you for sharing a drink with me."
10
Don't get pushy if she's not interested. You may be tempted to keep flirting with her in the hopes that she'll change her mind, but it's important to respect her wishes. Don't take the next step if she feels uncomfortable.^{[15]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If she is pulling away from you, tells you she's not interested in something casual, or directly tells you to leave her alone, stop pursuing her and turn your attention to someone else. Otherwise, she may feel like you're harassing her.^{[16]
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- If a girl tells you "no," don't try to change her mind. She has a right to decide what she's comfortable with when it comes to dating and hooking up.
11
Tell her that you’d like to be alone with her. When you’re sure things are going well, it’s time to bring up the idea of a hookup. The best way to do this is to suggest you go somewhere you can be alone. This will signal to her that you’re interested in things getting more physical. If she’s interested, she’ll likely agree to go somewhere you can be alone.^{[17]
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- Say something like, “Would you be interested in continuing this conversation somewhere more private?” or “Can I interest you in a quieter drink at my apartment?”
Warning: Her agreeing to be alone with you is not consent for having sex with you. Keep in mind that she might be okay with kissing and touching but not having sex. Additionally, she can change her mind at any time.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Meeting a Girl Through an App

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1
Set up an account on popular hookup apps. In the modern dating world, apps are often the easiest way to connect with someone. Additionally, they give you the opportunity to talk to a bunch of girls all at the same time. Create accounts on multiple dating sites to increase your chances of finding a partner. Here are some apps you might try:^{[18]
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- Tinder
- Bumble
- Happn
- Feeld
2
Post 3-5 photos of yourself so she sees what you look like. Pick photos that show your best side but accurately reflect how you look. Include a headshot, full body pic, and 1-3 candid shots that show off your personality. This increases your chances of getting a girl’s attention.^{[19]
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- Great candid shots include you with your pet, you engaging in a hobby, or you doing something adventurous.
- Skip photos of you and other girls. You may think they make you seem attractive and in demand, but girls can find them off-putting.
- Don’t try to misrepresent your looks to get more matches. If a girl meets up with you and realizes you lied, she’s probably not going to hook up with you.
3
Write a short biography so girls find you relatable. You might be tempted to skip your biography if you only want hookups, but girls are less likely to engage with you if your bio is blank. Include 2-3 facts about yourself to help girls get to know you a little. This will help you connect with them so they’re more likely to want to hook up.^{[20]
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- You might write, “I’m a dog lover who spends his day behind a computer. Right now I’m all about adventure,” or “When I’m not fixing cars, I’m flexing my cooking skills. I love animals and welcome pics of your pets.”
4
Tell her directly that you're only interested in a causal hook-up. If a girl is interested in a relationship, she might assume that you are, as well. Be honest about what you're looking for before you get too far into the conversation. Explain that you're only interested in a hook-up so she knows what to expect.^{[21]
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- Say something like, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now, but I'm looking for some fun."
5
Ask the girl what she wants from a meet up. It’s important to be honest about your intentions before you hook up with someone. Most likely, you’ll match with girls who are interested in casual sex. However, you’ll likely “meet” some girls who are hoping for a relationship. Focus your attention on girls who want the same things as you.^{[22]
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- Write, “Are you looking for something serious or keeping it casual?” or “I’m exploring my options right now. What about you?”
- If a girl tells you she wants a relationship and you keep pursuing her, there’s a high likelihood that she’s going to think you want a relationship, too. It’s better to break things off early to avoid messiness later on.
6
Mention something in her profile in your opening line. Writing an opening line is hard for a lot of people, but referencing her profile is a good place to start. Point out something you liked or found interesting about her pictures. Alternatively, ask her a question about something in her bio.^{[23]
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- Say something like, “I noticed you have a cocker spaniel. Was Lady and the Tramp your favorite movie growing up?” or “You seem like a world traveler. Which destination was your favorite?”
Variation: Send her a gif to get her attention. A funny gif is more likely to get a response than a message.
7
Exchange at least 10-15 messages so she feels comfortable. It’s always scary meeting someone through an app. Help her feel more comfortable by learning more about her and sharing information about yourself. Make sure you’ve exchanged at least 10 messages before you ask her out.^{[24]
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- Ideally, move to a conversation via Whatsapp or text before you ask her to meet in person. Generally, this makes both of you feel more comfortable with each other and allows you to chat more freely.
Tip: If someone isn’t responding to you quickly, turn your attention to someone else.
8
Invite her to meet up with you. Once you’ve exchanged several messages, it’s time to ask her out. Tell her that you’d like to continue your conversation in person. Then, suggest a time and place. Be open to picking a better time for her schedule, if necessary.^{[25]
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- Text her something like, “Want to get a drink tonight?” or “Why don’t we grab coffee tomorrow after work?”
- Keep in mind that she may want to have a pre-hook up meeting to see if you have chemistry.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being Intimate with Her

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1
Take the girl somewhere safe and private so you can be intimate. Talk to the girl about where she feels comfortable going. Choose a location where the girl will likely feel comfortable, such as your home or a hotel room. Make sure you'll be alone and uninterrupted while you're hooking up.^{[26]
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- For instance, you might take her to your home or you might ask to go back to hers. If you can't take her home, you could rent a hotel room or arrange to go to a friend's home.
2
Check in with her to make sure she’s consenting to sexual activity. Consent is essential when you’re hooking up. Don’t assume that she wants to have sex just because she agrees to be alone with you. Pay attention to her words and body language to see if she’s into it. When in doubt, ask her directly if she wants to have sex.^{[27]
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- Signs she’s into it include smiling, initiating kissing and physical contact, asking you to do sexual things to her, and getting close to you.
- Signals she’s not into it include pulling away, looking away from you, and changing the subject.
- You could just ask, “Do you want to have sex?” or “Do you want to take this to the bedroom?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 955 wikiHow readers who've had one-night stands, and 51% of them agreed that the best way to discuss boundaries is by letting things progress naturally and discussing boundaries as they arise. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Watch for hints or listen for her approval to take things to the next step. Start out with small gestures, like a hug or touching her shoulder. If it seems like she is okay with that, you can try out other things, like a first kiss. If, however, it seems like she doesn't want to move forward, give her some space. Always make sure that you're being respectful of her wishes.
3
Use protection to prevent pregnancy and STDs. Hooking up can be super fun, but it’s important to avoid potential complications. Talk to the girl before you become intimate to decide what kind of protection you'll use. Ask her if she is currently on birth control pills, has received a birth control shot, or has an intrauterine device (IUD) to prevent pregnancy. Additionally, wear a condom or dental dam to protect you against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).^{[28]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

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- Even if the girl is on birth control, it’s typically best to use a barrier form of protection to protect against STDs anyway.
4
Kiss her to initiate physical intimacy. Start by kissing her on the hand, arm, or cheek. Then, give her a passionate kiss on the lips. If you’re both into it, kiss her in other intimate places, like her neck, breasts, or thighs.^{[29]
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Trustworthy Source

PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source}
- Go slow at first. Give her a light kiss and gauge her reaction.
- Don’t use tongue when you first start kissing her. Build up to it so she doesn’t feel like you’re rushing things.
5
Engage in foreplay to help her get turned on. She’s going to be more interested in a hookup if she feels sexually excited. Don’t rush things by trying to start intercourse too soon. Instead, take your time to caress her, kiss her body, and rub against her. This will help her get into the mood for sex.^{[30]
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- For instance, start by gently caressing her body. Then, move from kissing her lips to making a trail of kisses down her neck, chest, stomach, and thighs. Simply shift her clothing or remove it as you go.
6
Be considerate of the girl after you've hooked-up. Don't just get up and leave after a hook-up. Instead, talk to the girl to make sure she enjoyed it. Then, clean yourself up and get dressed. If you're at her place, thank her for having you over before you leave. If you're at your place, offer to help her get home safely.^{[31]
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- If you've gotten a hotel room, ask her if she'd prefer to stay overnight or go home.
7
Make sure that the girl gets home safely after your hook-up. Both your and her experience will be better if you part on good terms. Show her that you care about her health and well-being by helping her get home. Offer to drive her home or to call her a ride if she can't drive herself home. If she's got her car and feels comfortable driving herself home, walk her to her car and ask her to text when she gets home.^{[32]
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- If you stay the night together, talk to her before you fall asleep so you both understand each other's expectations for the morning after. For instance, decide if you're both okay with the person who slept over leaving without waking the other.
8
Text her the next day to check on her. While you might not be interested in a relationship, it's still important to be kind to the girl you hooked-up with. Tell her that you enjoyed meeting her and had a good time. Additionally, ask her if she had a nice time so she feels like you care about her.^{[33]
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- You might text, "It was great meeting you last night! I had a great time and hope you did, as well."
- You don't have to have a long conversation with her. However, sending a check-up text shows her that you don't just see her as an object.

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How do I know if a girl wants to hook up?

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.

Candice Mostisser

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Don't be afraid to ask her upfront about it. More subtle signs might be her moving closer to you and flirting.

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Question

Can I get back a girl who has friend-zoned me?

Danielle Husband

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If a girl only wants to be friends with you, it's important to respect her decision. It hurts to feel rejected, but she can't change the way she feels. Remember, you've probably disappointed a few girls who like you but are in your friend-zone. It's best to focus on girls who you like and like you back.

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What if I find that she's into feet? Do I still proceed to have sex or should I leave?

Danielle Husband

Community Answer

There's nothing weird or wrong about having a foot fetish. At the same time, it's up to you to decide what you're comfortable with. If she's making you uncomfortable, tell her that something came up and you need to leave. Otherwise, go ahead and have sex with her.

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Tips

Accept rejection with grace. Respect her decision to say “no” and look for someone who’s a better match for you.

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If the girl is a friend or coworker, consider how your relationship might change after you hook up. It’s possible that everything will go back to normal, but be sure to think things through just in case your relationship with the girl becomes awkward.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Brush your teeth before you meet up. Stinky breath can be a huge turn off.
Some girls like when you make the first move, so shoot your shot!

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Warnings

Having sex with a girl who cannot give consent is rape. If a girl is drunk, unconscious, or otherwise incapable of consenting to sex, don't have sex with her. It’s wrong and you may go to jail.

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