How to Attract a Girl

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: August 22, 2024 References

So there's that girl you've been crushing on, but you don't know how to get her attention? Never fear! While there's no fool-proof way to attract a girl, there are some things you can do to make it more likely that you'll claim her attention. Build your confidence, learn what to say to her, and how to act around her and you'll be attracting a girl in no time!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Enhancing Your Physical Appearance

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1
Build your confidence. Confidence is one of those qualities that girls find attractive. Now, confidence doesn't equal arrogance, so there's a fine line that you'll need to walk. Fortunately, you can build your confidence, it's not something that you're just born with.^{[1]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Fake confidence until you actually start to feel confident. You can do this by doing confident things, even if you don't feel it. Start small and work your way up. For example: if you're shy, strike up conversation with one person you don't know each day. Work your way up to striking up conversation with that cute girl you've been eying.
- Use confident body postures to convey confidence and trick yourself into being confident. Stand with your legs apart and your hands on your hips. Don't cross your arms across your chest (this comes across as being not confident).
- Chew gum. Weirdly, not only does chewing gum make your breath smell nice (which can be attractive to a girl), but it can actually reduce your stress. So before you're around the girl you're looking to attract, pop a stick of gum in your mouth.^{[2]
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2
Practice good hygiene. The definition of hygiene very much depends on where in the world you are. Certain places have higher or lower standards of hygiene and you'll be more likely to attract a girl with more or less cleanliness. (For example: if you lived in rural Alaska, you would probably attract a girl with less cleanliness than Los Angeles.)
- Bathe at least once a day. This is, obviously, just a guideline, but it's a good idea to clean yourself at least occasionally. While there is research that supports women finding men's sweat attractive, you don't want to overwhelm her with your sweat.
- Keep your clothes laundered. Again, a little sweat and a little scent isn't a bad thing, but you want your clothes to be at least moderately clean.
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3
Make sure your teeth are clean. White teeth are definitely a sign of attractiveness. More than your physical features a girl is likely to be attracted to clean, white, healthy teeth, so make sure that you're brushing twice a day, at least, and flossing regularly.
- White teeth are one of the first things women (or anyone) will notice, so it's important that you take good care of them.
- You also want your breath to smell good, which means brushing your tongue, as well, especially at the back of your mouth.
4
Use your clothes to enhance. Clothes can be an important indicator of confidence, and of attractiveness. Again, it really depends on where you are in terms of your main wardrobe (what goes over well and is necessary in rural Alaska is going to be very different from what is necessary and stylish in Los Angeles). There are a few basic things to keep in mind, however.
- Make sure your jeans, or whatever trousers you're wearing, fit you. Clothes that fit can enhance your body. Baggy clothing hides your body, or makes you look sloppy, while too-tight clothing looks good on basically no one.
- Buy nice shoes. While not all girls are obsessed with shoes (or clothes) a good pair of shoes can make you look put together, which is something a girl will register, whether she does it subconsciously or not.
- Pick colors that work with your skin tone, eye color, and facial features. If you have a nice pair of green eyes, wear a forest green sweater that makes them pop. Red and black are very good colors to wear if you're looking to attract. Both red and black make you appear more powerful.^{[3]
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5
Don’t overwhelm with scent. There's nothing wrong with a little scent, especially if you live somewhere that is big on colognes and body spray. But you want to make sure that you don't overwhelm the girl you're looking to attract. You may also want to consider not covering up your natural scent. Women tend to be attracted to a man's sweat.^{[4]
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- Just make sure that you aren't overwhelming anyone with your body odor. It's a good balance that you have to strike. If you're of the type who sweats a lot, make sure that you wash frequently and change your shirts.
- Cologne and body spray can add a nice little accent to your appearance as long as you don't go overboard. Spritz a little behind your ear, on your face and chin (one spritz should do it) and on your chest. You want to make sure that your cologne or body spray mingles with your natural scent and pheromones.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Letting Your Personality Shine

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1
Find your passion. People are attracted to those who know who they are, are confident about that, and who have passion about something. Passion about things (like sports, or rock climbing, cooking, or writing) can translate into passion for another person, which is an attractive quality.^{[6]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Having things that you're passionate about gives you something to talk about. It's one reason why nerds are big right now, because nerds aren't afraid to be passionate about the things that they like.
- Figure out what it is that you enjoy. This means giving lots of different things a try to pursuing the things that you love. Don't be afraid to screw up or not be good at something when you first start out (very few people can make a flan on the first try, for example). Being able to make mistakes without letting it upset your equilibrium is an attractive quality.
2
Try new things. This will help you push the limits of your comfort zone, which in turn makes you more confident in handling the things life pushes at you. It also means that you're more likely to be able to talk to a girl you want to attract. Doing things, being game for trying things out is a quality that can attract a girl.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Take a dance or cooking class. If you want to know where girls are, they often take dance or cooking classes. A man who can dance or who can cook is a big catch among the ladies. It also shows that you don't really care what people think about you, which shows that you're confident.
- You’ll meet new people and have interesting experiences to talk about. Being a good conversationalist, telling interesting stories, having a life can all attract a girl.
3
Cultivate the art of listening. Listening, real listening, is a lost art. People are so busy wanting to talk about themselves, or checking their phone, that they have a tendency not to really listen. If you show that you care what other people have to say, you'll show that you're a good bet as a partner.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- When someone is talking to you, make sure that you give them your full attention. Make eye contact, avoid checking your phone. If you don't feel comfortable making eye contact, try to look over one of their shoulders, or at their forehead, because it will look like you're making eye contact, without actually having to do that.
- Listen to all people, even girls you don’t find attractive. This shows that you respect people and that you think all people are important and you're not just listening to someone because you want to get into her pants. Unless she's only looking for a one-night stand, a girl doesn't want to feel like you're only paying attention to her because you want to have sex with her.
4
Treat people well. All people. When you're at the grocery store make sure that you thank the clerk. When you're at a restaurant, tip the waiter or waitress well. Look people in the eye and make them feel like you've seen them, that they aren't invisible to you.
- This doesn’t necessarily mean be a pushover. If someone says something rude or disparaging towards you, you have every right to call them out.
- Treating people well means holding the door for that little old lady, or helping carry her groceries. It means offering rides to your friends because they can't afford a car, and so on. If you get into the habit of treating people well, girls will notice that.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Interacting With a Girl

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1
Approach her with respect. Always approach a girl with the underlying realization that she is, first and foremost, a human being and thus is worthy of respect (it doesn't matter what she's wearing, how drunk she is, or how she's acting). Girls are often taught that they don't deserve respect, so you'll stand out from a lot of other guys.
- Make sure that you have respect for yourself, too. This is about confidence. When you talk to or approach a girl, don't base your happiness on whether she's going to be interested in you. When you make it seem like you're desperate. Politely engage her in conversation and if she doesn't seem interested, back off.
- Be respectful to other people when you're around her (this ties in with treating people well). Avoid degrading women, whether it's by telling a rape joke (just don't), calling other guys "pussies" or using words like "that bitch" to talk about your ex-girlfriend. You'll come across as disrespectful and immature.
- A lot of guys mix up being confident with being arrogant and awful. They say that women only want horrible guys who treat them poorly. The thing about this type of guy is that he exudes confidence. It tends to be the confidence rather than the crappy behavior that girls are attracted to.
2
Ask her questions about herself. Make it seem like you're actually interested in what she has to say. Instead of jumping right in with something about yourself, follow up with another question about what she just said. Girls, like anyone else, like to think that people are interested in their thoughts and opinions.^{[9]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- For example: you might ask her about her job and when she tells you she's working as a barista, ask her how she likes it, what's her favorite part about the job, what's her least favorite part.
- Obviously make sure that you listen to what she says. Don't just be formulating your next question, or it'll seem like you're interrogating her without caring about the answers.
- Don’t get too personal too quickly. If you've only just met the girl, don't jump right in asking about her relationship with her family, or whether she has any deep dark secrets (although asking this as a joke might be okay depending on the girl). if the two of you end up dating, there'll be time for that later.
3
Be playful. You don't have to have a huge grin when you're hanging out with her, but it's a good idea to make your interactions fun. She'll remember that being around you was fun and kind of charged (flirting is good for that).
- Rather than a big open smile, consider having a kind of half-smile. This is often more attractive to girls than full-on grinning.
- Make her laugh. Tell funny stories. Real ones are the best ones, especially ones where you come off as human. It shows that you can laugh at yourself. For example: you might tell her about the time you tried to scare your dad when he was coming out of the gym locker room, only to scare a completely random person.
- Be careful with humor, because not everyone has the same type of humor. Make sure that you're gauging your reaction. Is she laughing hard at what you're saying, or only laughing politely. Avoid harmful humor, as well, such as racist or sexist jokes.
4
Flirt with a girl. Flirting can be a bit hit or miss, but it's a great way to create a fun, light atmosphere. It can also get a bit charged and leave her wanting more. Make sure you go by each individual girl's reaction, because every girl is different in what she likes and dislikes.
- Tease her gently. Don't be mean about what you say, but gently poke fun at her. For example: tell her that you can out-dance her on the dance. If she is a better dancer, pretend that you are, instead.
- Eye contact is an extremely important part of flirting. Keep eye contact with the girl that you're interested in, across the bar, while you're in conversation. It'll build a real charge of energy between the two of you. Watch her tone if she need some space let her in.

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Question

How can I attract a girl instantly?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If she thinks you're cute, she may be attracted to you the moment she sees you. You can exude confidence, take care of your appearance, and have good hygiene to increase your odds, but there's no trick or hack here that will make a girl fall for you instantly.

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Question

What's the most important thing I should do if I want to attract a girlfriend?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Focus on you and develop yourself. Build your confidence, dive deep into your hobbies and passions, and aim to improve yourself as a person. People are attracted to other people who care about things and have a dynamic personality, so if you just focus on yourself, good things will happen!

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Question

How can I connect with a girl I like?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Smile at her, make eye contact, and try to develop a friendly relationship with her. Ask her lots of questions when the two of you chat, and try to lean into any hobbies or interests the two of you have in common.

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Tips

Remember that not every girl is going to like you, no matter what you do (whether because she's interested in someone else, she's interested only in guys or in girls, and so on). Don't let that dictate how you feel about yourself. If she doesn't end up being interested, be polite about it.

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If you have a crush on someone, and you haven't told them yet, and you know they feel the same as you, don't keep it a secret! Tell them, look them in the eye, and go for it!

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Warnings

Trying to make her jealous isn't going to help. The more you try, the more she'll hate YOU and the girl you're using to make her jealous.

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Control your hormones! If you push her into having sex, she may walk out on you and completely block you out of her life.

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Don't talk about other girls around her. She may get jealous and eventually lose interest in you.

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