How to Be Close to Your Crush

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: July 14, 2024

Have a crush, and not sure what to do? You may be feeling awkward, shy, or confused. It's natural to be attracted to someone, but it may be difficult to turn it into something real. Take action, so you can turn a crush into a closer relationship. Consider these steps as a way to get your crush to be closer to you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding a Connection

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1
Find common interests. One of the simplest ways to be closer is to find activities and interests that you and your crush both like. Talk with your crush about something they like. Identify the interests that match your own, and spend more time on those activities.
- Consider asking things like, "What's it like being on the soccer team? I used to play soccer" or, "I noticed that you like to draw. What kind of things do you sketch? I like to sketch in a journal sometimes."
- Do more of the activities that you both enjoy. Just make sure that not all your time is spent on this.
- Look at the ways that you and your crush are different. Sometimes getting to know someone involves seeing how common interests may be different in approach.
- Reader Poll: We asked 2011 wikiHow readers who've talked to their gym crush, and 54% of them agreed that the best way to break the ice is by making small talk about their workout routine. [Take Poll] This is a great example of how to talk to your crush about your common interests!
2
Start off as friends. Though your romantic feelings may be hard to control, it's important to get to know the 'real' person that is your crush. Wouldn't you want that person you like to be someone you also want to be friends with? ^{[1]
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- If you don't feel like your crush would be a good friend, or that your interests are too different, think about what that may mean. Would you want to be close to someone who you don't think would be a good friend?
- Allow your friendship to lead into romance, rather than the other way around. Don't rush into something. Try to find ways to keep your mind off your crush, and focus on how to be their friend first.
- Consider asking your crush and their friends to hang out with you and your friends for a weekend event. Keep the interactions casual at first, rather than trying to find out if they like you.
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3
Be a good listener. Make an effort to listen to what your crush likes. Be positive and smile. Give signs that you are listening to what they are saying. Don't be distracted by other things. Don't avert your eyes due to shyness.
- When you actually listen to what your crush is saying, and not just think about the way they look, you'll be able to really know what the person is like.
- After listening, consider responding with, "That's really interesting" or "Wow, that's cool."
- Ask follow-up questions. When you are actively listening to your crush, you're paying attention to what they are saying. Ask for details about what they are talking about, or clarification if something sounds confusing.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does He Like Me?

Some guys can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if he likes you as just a friend—or if he wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 15

When you two are in a room filled with other people, how often do you catch him staring at you?

Constantly! I swear, he’s always looking right back at me.

I’ve noticed him staring a few times, yeah.

I think I’ve caught him staring once or twice.

Nope, I’ve never noticed that.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Having Confidence

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1
Be yourself. It's important to be your true self. Be honest about what you like and don't like. Don't try to be fake, or someone that you hate. Think about what things matter to you.
- Act and dress in a way that feels comfortable and natural to you.
2
Have confidence. You are a unique and amazing person. Get yourself some credit, and be proud of who you are and what you've done. You don't need to shy away from being yourself, and showing others that you are confident.^{[2]
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Research source}
- Be positive and surround yourself with other people who are positive.
3
Be approachable and kind. Kindness is key. While being approachable and friendly may get your crush to notice you, they may be hesitant to be your friend, or let you be close if you're rude, cold, or stand-offish.
- Try to overcome your shyness by at least having a short conversation. Consider complimenting your crush. Or talk about something that you both are doing.
- Consider saying things like, "I like your shirt," or "You play the guitar well."
4
Take care of your appearance. Be presentable by taking care of your body. Have clean hair and nice clothes. You don't need to get "dressed up" every day, but someone is more likely to talk with you or notice you if you have a nice appearance.
- Avoid wearing provocative clothes. You may be sending the wrong message to more than just your crush.
- For girls, you don't need a ton of makeup or high fashion clothes. But having a presentable and healthy appearance is good. Consider wearing a mild perfume.
- For guys, avoid looking like you just rolled out of bed. Make sure to have clean outfits. Consider wearing cologne.
5
Avoid over-analyzing the situation. Your crush is likely someone you know, but aren't close friends with yet. Like anyone new, it may lead to something close, or not. Avoid idealizing your crush. They are still a regular person, just like everyone else.
- It takes time to develop a new friendship or relationship. Your crush will not notice you overnight.
- Realize that your crush may not intentionally be ignoring you. If it's a large class, school, or workplace, oftentimes you may not notice someone until you interact with them a few times one-on-one.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Showing that You're Interested

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1
Make time to talk one-on-one. Find ways to separate yourself from your group of friends, and do something where it's just the two of you. Consider these ways:
- Walk home with them after class.
- Hang out in an area of the school, or after school where it's just you two for a little while.
- Work on school work together.
- Make yourself available to help them out with something.
2
Use your body language. There are various ways to give non-verbal cues that you're interested. Make eye contact. Smile. Laugh when they say something funny. Put your hand on their shoulder. Place your hand near your lips while they talk. If they seem sad or worried about something, give a hug.
- If you are sitting next to your crush on a long car ride, you can put your head on their shoulder.
- See how your crush responds to your body language. Do they act the same way? Or do they pull back?
- Non-verbal cues are a good way to understand what someone is thinking but not saying.
3
Flirt with your crush. Consider being openly flirtatious by complimenting your crush. Say something that you like about them, without just saying "I like you." This can be through non-verbal body language, a note to them, or by directly talking with them about what you like about them.^{[3]
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- Consider saying, "I really like talking to you" rather than just blurting out, "I like you."
- Or consider saying things like, "I like your hair" or "I like hanging out with you" or "You're really cool."
4
Give them space. If you're spending a lot of time around your crush, and they seem to be hesitant to talk, try to avoid coming off as clingy. It's the same for your friends, family, or anyone you spend time with. Showing that you are independent can actually make you more attractive.
- Don't center all your time around your crush. Remember that there are lots of cool people and fun things to do out there. And your crush shouldn't be the only thing that matters.
- Your crush may notice you more after you've had some time apart. Let them miss you a little. Hopefully, they notice when you're not around.

Join the Discussion...

How do I impress my crush without being cringe?

34

WikiOcelotTrader472

I (16 f) want to get my crush (17 m) to notice me in a romantic way, but I don’t want to be too cringey or obvious about it. I sort of just wan... Read More

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

I think having good social energy is one of your best bets if you want someone to notice you that way. Do your best to be visibly social, smile a... Read More

WikiSkyDancer042

Try to learn what his interests are, and then get into them. Even better if you can get really good at them. For example, if you know that he goe... Read More

See all 3 Replies and

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Question

How can I be physically close to my crush?

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert and Founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking (NEM) based in New York City, NY. With over 15 years in the industry, Joshua helps his clients navigate online dating and has a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

To show your crush that you're interested, try to be playful and friendly any time you're communicating with them. For instance, you can use playful touches here and there to try to show them that you see potential between the two of you on more of a romantic and physical level.

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How do I become friends with my crush's best friends?

Community Answer

Find common interests, and go with the flow. If you're interested in the opposite sex, learning to be friends with guys as well as knowing how to be friends with girls can help you get closer to someone you're interested in. It's important to be friendly and polite.

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How do I get my crush to ask me out?

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While you may be hesitant to make the first move, consider asking out your crush. This will help you take control of the situation, and feel less anxious waiting for someone else to ask.

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Tips

Don't lie about yourself to make it seem like you're someone different than you are. They will eventually find out you lied.

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Consider making friends with the friends of your crush. Getting to know their friends may help you to get closer to your crush.

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Make jokes. Don’t be mean, but making a small joke at their expense can loosen tension and break the ice a bit. (Try to be even more ready to laugh at yourself. This can help melt the ice even more, because it helps your crush know your thoughts, know you, a little better).

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Warnings

Avoid stalking your crush, or making them feel uncomfortable. If they ask you to back off a bit, be respectful of them. They are human, just like you, and likely need some space.

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Avoid putting your crush on a pedestal. Get to really know them. Before you fall madly in love with someone, wouldn't you like to get to know what they are really like?

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