How to Choose Between Two Guys

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: October 20, 2024 Approved

Although it seems like liking two guys at once would be twice the fun, it can make you feel like your heart is torn in half. To make the best decision between the two guys, think about how each one makes you feel and trust your gut when the time comes.

Things You Should Know

Compare both the positive and negative qualities of each guy and think about how they make you feel. Consider how each one feels about you, too.
Make a pro/cons chart for the two guys and ask a trusted confidante what they think of the situation. Take your time and trust your gut while making a choice.
Commit to the guy you choose—no second-guessing. Accept your decision and understand that the choice will change your relationship with both guys.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Choosing a Guy

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1
Consider the positive qualities of each guy. The next time you're around each guy, make an effort to really engage him and to think about what it is you like about him so much. Though you can't always pin down the complicated feelings that make you like a person, it's important to have as much information as possible when you make such an important decision. Ask yourself the following questions when you talk to each guy:^{[1]
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- Does he make me laugh? Does he have a good sense of humor? We're all attracted to people who can make us laugh. Guys with a good sense of humor make us excited and cause us to look at the world in a different way. If he tickles you, is it weird or do you like it? No guy should touch you in the obvious places unless you are ready for that, but like a hug around the waist, holding hands, or even his arm around you is okay, but if you're at the stage where he is going to kiss you and you kiss him back, make sure that you are ready to be at that stage. When he kisses you, be sure you know how to kiss. You don't want it to be awkward. The guy you are going to choose needs to be able to restrain himself.
- Does he seem curious about other people? Is he interested in things outside himself? Guys who are only interested in themselves can be pretty boring. You'll want a guy who has hobbies, friends, and a good perspective on life.
- Is he in touch with his emotional side? Is he sensitive about other people? Lots of guys have an emotional side; the problem is they don't want other people to see it. A guy who's okay with other people seeing his emotions is a guy who's both confident and mature.
- Is he kind and respectful? People often overlook those key measures for a healthy relationship.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- Does he take things slow? Guys who take things slowly like to savor things. They care about getting every last drop of enjoyment out of being around you. Guys who are moving at the speed of light are often onto the next person faster than you can say "letdown."
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Consider how each guy makes you feel. This is just as important as thinking about what you like about each guy. One guy may look better on paper and may have all of the qualities that you're looking for, but the other guy may have the ability to make your heart pound just by sending you a text message. So, the next time you're around each guy, think not only about why you like him, but ask yourself if he makes you feel confident, happy, giddy, and like a better person. Here are some things to consider:^{[3]
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- How does he make you feel when you're around him? Does he make you feel like he's only interested in you, or does he seem like he flirts with others all the time, and you're just another person on his long list?
- Does he bring out the best in you, or is he okay with you just being "okay"?
- Does he challenge you and make you want to be a better person?
- Does he compliment you in a way that is meaningful and not forced?
- Does he make you blush, giggle, and feel giddy?
- Does he treat you like a lady and make you feel special?
- How does he treat you when he's stressed?^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- Reader Poll: We asked 266 wikiHow readers if they think being with the right partner positively impacts their happiness and confidence, and 95% of them said yes! [Take Poll]
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3
Consider the negative qualities of the guy. Though you may only be thinking about all of the great qualities of both guys and about how they both give you butterflies, you should also consider the negative aspects of their personality or lifestyle to get more clarification. If you're serious about making this choice, then you have to consider the pros and the cons of being with each guy. Here are some things to consider as you make your decision:^{[5]
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- Does the guy have a lot of baggage? Does he have a complicated past and a slew of emotional issues to deal with? Sure, you may have fun with him, but is that something you want to be responsible for in the long run?
- Is he bossy and manipulative? Does he always try to get his way, or is he incapable of admitting he's wrong? These are serious signs that he's probably a little selfish, and signs that you might get more than you bargained for in a relationship.
- Has he lied to you? You want a guy that you can trust, a guy who's not afraid to be honest with you, regardless of how much the truth hurts. Guys who like gossiping and starting rumors probably don't care much about other people, meaning stay away from him.
- Does he constantly get in trouble, either at school, with his parents, or with the authorities? Bad boys may have a certain sexiness about them, but chances are if they're constantly distracted with shenanigans or hijinks, they won't have any time to be around you.
- Does he still talk about his ex? If he's still talking about his ex, dropping in little hints from time to time, or constantly talking about her, that's a bad sign.^{[6]
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  Research source} It doesn't mean that he's a bad guy; it just means that he still loves her.
4
Consider how each guy feels about you. If both guys are completely devoted to you, then you have a tough task on your hands. Though you shouldn't go with the guy who likes you more just because it's a safer choice, you should consider how important you are to each guy, and what it would mean to him if you stopped seeing him. If he would just shrug it off and then move on to the next person, then he's not the guy for you. If you think one of the guys likes you much more than the other, then this should play a strong part in your decision.^{[7]
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- You don't have to ask outright. You can get a sense of how much guy feels about you just by the way he looks at you, by how often he wants to hang out, and by how much he talks about a future together.
- Of course, if you're just looking to have fun with a summer fling or to get some dating experience for a few months, then you don't have to care so much about whether the guy sees you as long term potential.
5
Ask your trusted friends for their opinions. Your friends are there for a reason: they offer shoulders to lean on, provide examples of how to behave, and give you advice when you need it. Take their advice, but with a grain of salt. You're making the decision at the end of the day. Remember that you're not asking them to help you pick the "better" guy or the guy that they would pick, but that you want them to help you decide what's right for you.
- Don't ask, "Who do you like better?" Ask, "Who do you think is better for me?" These questions will keep you from getting suggestions about who your friends would date, instead of who you should date.
- Be open to their suggestions! If you have your mind made up about who you want to date, there's no use in asking your friends about their opinion. If you ask them for their input, be ready to follow it.^{[8]
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Weigh their similarities and differences in a list. This will help you see what you really wanted in the first place. How does each one make you feel? Make a list of what you really want in a guy and don't.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} Do a pro/cons chart about each guy's strengths and weaknesses. See how this pro/cons chart lines up with the list of what you want out of a guy. Here are some other questions you can ask:
- Which guy will treat me better?
- Which guy will be there for me through the tough times?
- Which guy do I have more in common with?
- Which guy's face will I always want to see at the end of the day?
- Which guy will get along better with my friends and family?
- Which guy can I not live without?
7
Trust your gut. We can't pick and choose who we like. We're born a certain way, and we eventually develop likes and dislikes. Don't overthink things. Trust what your gut tells you about these guys and go for it. Flip a coin in the air. Tell yourself that if it lands on heads, you have to go with Guy A, and if it lands on tails, you have to go with Guy B. While the coin is in the air, where do you instinctively want it to land? That's your answer.^{[10]
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- If you know one guy is bad for you but can't help feeling attracted to him (and don't really like the other guy), take a break from both guys. Not being in a relationship really isn't bad. In fact, it's much better than being burned.
- Learn from your mistakes. If you've dated a certain guy before and the relationship ended poorly, don't make the same mistake all over again with another guy. Even if you feel attracted to him, what's the use in going through the same thing all over again if it caused you heartbreak and misery?
8
Don't rush it. Don't feel like you need to make a decision right away. Your decision could take some time. During that time, hopefully, one of the guys will do something good or bad to make the decision much easier for you. As long as you haven't committed to either guy and don't feel like you're being disloyal to one guy by hanging out with the other, then you should take some time to make the decision.
- Just don't drag it on too long. If you pick one guy, but he finds out that you've been hanging out with another guy for the last few months, then he may feel slightly hurt or confused.
- Keep in mind, healthy relationships should feel like a calm ocean, not a total rollercoaster. For a healthy relationship that can go the distance, it's better to look for 6/10 chemistry with a really great, solid friend who makes you feel secure than to aim for 10/10 chemistry and a lot of drama.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

After You Decide

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1
Commit to the guy you've chosen. Once you've made your decision, stick to it. That doesn't mean you have to tell the guy, "Hey, I chose you over Guy A!" That won't make the guy feel very special. The commitment is something you make through your actions and your heart. Work on building a healthy, stable relationship with the guy you've chosen -- and only the guy you've chosen.^{[12]
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- Get ready to start dating and hanging out with only the guy you've chosen. Enjoy the benefits of being with one person without wondering what another guy is up to.
- If you feel empty or incomplete without the other guy, then it may either mean that you made the wrong decision or that you never liked the first guy that much in the first place -- you only liked the chase.
- Be friendly to the other guy but don't go out of your way to hang out with him or do stuff alone together. If you're overly friendly with him, he might think that he still has a chance. Plus, it might get the guy you chose unnecessarily jealous.
2
Be prepared for the aftermath. Know that choosing between two guys will affect your relationship with both of them. This is the double-edged sword of relationships: chances are good that you're going to break the other guy's heart and miss out on a relationship with him. If the guy you don't choose doesn't know about the first guy, you don't have to make it a big deal or give him the real reason why you're ending your "relationship." Though you should be happy once you've made your decision, know that the seas may still be a bit rocky.
- Know that you may turn guys against each other. What if both guys are best friends? What do you do then? If you choose one and the other likes you, they'll probably stop being best friends. If you want to avoid this situation altogether, date someone else instead.
- Be prepared to lose the guy that you didn't choose. He may not want to be "just friends" after you hung out romantically or flirted with each other. But that may be for the best.
3
Accept your decision. Life is yours to live, and you deserve to live it the way you want -- while trying to hurt others as little as possible. Though you may feel guilty for making the decision, you and the two guys are better off once you've come to terms with your feelings. Be proud of yourself for making a mature choice instead of leading two guys on forever.
- Don't be afraid of making mistakes as long as you learn from them.
- Don't worry about having everyone like you; when you're making a big decision like this, feelings will get hurt.

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Tips

Remember - no matter what advice anyone may give you - that only you can decide which guy is right for you.

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If you are starting to get annoyed and stressed with the "Who do you choose?" or the "When will you choose, hurry up," just pick someone else entirely. There are other fish in the sea, and nobody should put pressure on you to decide things like this - and by trying to choose, you are only making things hard on yourself and may upset them.

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If you really can't choose, take your time. If nothing comes to you, just let the feelings drift. When you're ready, they will be ready and respect that if they love you.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

I recommend to get each of the guys alone one by one and lock eye contact with them while speaking about you. If they start looking around you or leaning back and not really listening, then this means that he's shallow and doesn't care about what you have to say.
When you are with one of them, your heart will beat faster, your stomach will hurt, you will feel like you can do anything. Most importantly, no matter how well you know the guy, you won't be afraid to be yourself. This is how you choose.
Relax for a moment and think to yourself about who you love because in the end, it's not about who benefits you at the moment, it's about who you love and see a future with.
Do not freak out about it. It takes time, especially when you have two guys. If you need help, then try and connect with yourself. No one knows you better than you.

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