How to Cope With a Crush on Your Teacher

Co-authored by LeTisha Underwood

Last Updated: December 19, 2024 Fact Checked

Crushes are completely natural, not too easy to handle and – most of the time – completely harmless. It can be fun lusting after a person, even if you know pursuing a relationship with them is pointless. Sometimes, however, those feelings of lust become obsessive and can lead to problems down the road. Learning to cope with a crush on your teacher is a hard, but necessary, part of growing up. You also need to look from outside the situation and think about it as if you are not in the situation. This can help you overcome your feelings towards a member of authority.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Accepting Your Feelings

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Understanding the problem is the first step in moving forward. Don’t feel bad about having a crush; crushes are something that everyone experiences at some point of view and the human brain is actually biologically programmed to fall in love.^{[1]
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Allow yourself to feel sad. Getting over a relationship is hard, even if that relationship never fully materialized. Give yourself some time to mope around and feel badly, then pick yourself up and move forward. Make sure you're not upset for too long.^{[2]
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- While feeling sad, also take steps to comfort yourself. Try taking a hot shower, listening to one of your favorite playlists and speaking nicely to yourself.
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Commit to moving on. Knowing that this relationship will never progress is an important step in moving past it. Remind yourself again and again that what you’re doing is necessary for your own personal happiness and growth.^{[3]
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- Remember that you will have other crushes. In many people's minds, having a crush on your teacher veers towards the inappropriate sector, no matter how you feel. It is against the law to be with someone over 18 if you are under 18. There will be others who you will prefer in the future, and others who you have a real chance with. Focus ahead, without dwelling too much on this dynamic with your teacher.

Part 2

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Behaving Appropriately in Class

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The reason you are in school is to learn and get a proper education, so take the energy you would normally spend thinking about your teacher and re-focus on it and also on your work. You’ll see improvements in your academic performance and it will take your mind off your teacher.
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Stop thinking about your teacher romantically. Thoughts frequently lead to action and visualizing something makes it more likely to occur and people will see you.^{[4]
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- Try focusing on things about your teacher that you don't like. The idea here is not to dwell on the negatives, but to remind yourself that the relationship was not as perfect as you remember it being, e.g. Age difference, appearances. ^{[5]
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Limit your interactions with your teacher. Interact with your teacher in class, but do not seek them out or try to spend time with them outside of your designated class time. It just isn't right for you, especially as they are probably quite a bit older than you. It is generally okay to date a person older than you in later life, but a young person dating an older teacher is often considered inappropriate.^{[6]
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- Do not contact them on social media or try to meet with them outside of school. Respect their position as your teacher and give them the space that they need to do that job well.
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Utilize if-then planning. Making decisions in advance about how you will handle your impulses can help you to be more successful in conquering them.^{[7]
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- Think about how you’d like to act when talking to your teacher and then follow through on your plan.

Part 3

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Getting Outside Help

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1
Speak with a licensed professional. If you are concerned that your crush on your teacher is impacting your day-to-day life and also preventing you from concentrating on your studies, talk to a therapist or school guidance counselor.^{[8]
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- If you are concerned about privacy, talk to a therapist rather than a guidance counselor. Your therapist is required by a code of ethics to keep what you say confidential. Guidance counselors are not bound by the same code, and can easily report information that's revealed to them.
Your friends may have similar experiences coping with crushes and might be able to offer some interesting advice or perspective. If nothing else, talking about your feelings might make you feel less alone.
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Transfer out of the class. If you find yourself unable to stop thinking about or interacting inappropriately with your teacher, it might be time to make a more drastic change. Talk to your guidance counselor or academic advisor about transferring out of the class.
- Be honest with your counselor about the feelings you're having for your teacher. If they don't fully understand how much these feelings are distracting you from your schoolwork, they might not be willing to let you change classes. Trust that they are professionals who are trained to deal with situations like this.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Moving On From Your Crush

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1
Distract yourself with extra-curricular activities. Pursue new hobbies and renew old passions. Join new clubs and sports or recommit to old ones. Take the time and energy you previously spent lusting after your teacher and put it towards something productive. Also try to get out and find some new people to spend time with to get your mind off them.
- The only power you have in the situation is to move forward.
- Try to become the best version of yourself.
- Learn to love yourself and that will lead you to finding new love.
Develop relationships with other people, especially people your own age. Work on strengthening current friendships and cultivating new ones. Open your mind to meeting and spending time with new people and you may find yourself falling out of love faster than you think!^{[9]
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Taking a trip or changing up your surroundings is incredibly healthy. Traveling can help you expand your mind and see the world in an entirely new light. Traveling also teaches patience, flexibility, and perspective; which are all important qualities that will help you get over your teacher.^{[10]
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Date someone new. The best way to get over an old relationship is to get involved in a new one. Don't rush into anything you're not comfortable with, but allow yourself to be open to the idea of dating and pursuing relationships with new people, because you have to move on.^{[11]
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- There's no agreed upon length of time to wait after suffering a broken heart. But it is important to take some time to yourself after a breakup to rediscover who you are, what you like and what you value in yourself and in a future partner.^{[12]
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Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.

1

Stop Being in Love With a Person You'll Never Meet

2

Effective Ways to Get Over Someone You Love

3

How to Get Over Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated

4

Stop Loving the Girl of Your Dreams

5

Stop Liking Someone

6

Overcome an Infatuation

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Accept that crushes are a normal part of everyday life and take comfort in the fact that some psychologists believe crushes only last about four months.^{[13]
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Don't let your feelings interfere with your studies. Be clear minded and free of distractions.

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Warnings

Depending on your age, pursuing a relationship with a teacher could be illegal, with consequences as wide-ranging as prison time to your teacher having to register as a sex offender. Your teacher could potentially lose their job if they engage in an illicit relationship with a student.

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Remember that a teacher having intimate relations with a student usually ends up with no good outcome; both of you could get in serious trouble if you pursue it further, and depending on the exact situation, your teacher could go to jail. It's very likely that they aren't interested in a relationship with you, or would avoid it because of the implications and complications, so your best bet is to move on.

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If you are going to talk about your feelings with other people, make sure to confide in people you trust. This information in the wrong hands could ultimately be very embarrassing for you.

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If you pursue any type of relationship with an adult while under the age of eighteen it could end up causing issues down the road in life.

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If you are concerned that a teacher is behaving inappropriately towards you, consult a guidance counselor, therapist or parent immediately.

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If a teacher and/or authority figure has assaulted you, contact 911 to report assault, and immediately contact (1-800-656-4673) the Rape and Sexual Assault Hotline for support and help with your situation.

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Never; ask, let, or allow your teacher to try and have sex with you, as this can be a very dangerous situation for both of you. Even if you do have a crush on them, realize that those actions should be reported, so do not go along with it.

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