How to Deal With Enemies

Co-authored by Sabrina Grover, LMSW

Last Updated: November 22, 2024 Approved

VIDEO

Enemies and haters can be annoying and their comments and insults can upset you. Learning how to deal with it includes facing your own projected fears and seeing the human being in the other person.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding Out Why the Hate is Happening

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^{[1]
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Research source} But don't approach your hater, if you know what they are capable of something drastic or something that can leave you hurt. Or it could leave you in embarrassment. If they are nasty to you or start swearing or being violent, walk away and don’t bother trying to talk to them again until they start being civil. Some people can be given second chances to realize that you aren’t really a bad person and they have nothing to hate you for. But some people just won’t like you in life, so don’t waste your time fretting about why they don’t like you.^{[2]
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Part 2

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Responding to the Enemy

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Research source} Holding grudges against people and not apologizing can sometimes seem like the reasonable thing to do but in the end, if it’s your fault, only you can fix it. Apologize to them seriously, and if they don’t accept it, there isn’t much more you can do than ignore them.^{[4]
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Show them respect as you show to your friends; when they need help, help them. This will show them that you are friendly and kind. Give them compliments and try not to sound hurtful, don't judge them if they say bad stuff back.^{[5]
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Research source} And if these things don't work out, just tell your friends and they can cool you down, and take a deep breath and try again. Never be offended, but if did, try not to lose control. "Control" is important, when things gets messed up, control yourself, or make excuses to get out of the situation instead of losing your mind trying to settle things.
- Treat your "enemy" well and see if they respond in a reasonable way. If not, others will see that you have tried and some (perhaps most) will respect you for trying. The other people are the people whose respect is worth having.
This only contributes to them taking advantage of your kindness. Do not give enemies one ounce of your energy. By helping anyone, especially enemies, you may be giving something to someone who doesn't "deserve" it. Your best bet is to ground out their energy (return it to Earth/heaven/God/etc) and forget about it. Don't worry- they will get exactly what they deserve that way.
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Ignore whatever this person says.^{[6]
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Research source} They are probably only insulting you because they are jealous. No matter what they say, it can’t offend you unless you let it. Just remember when they say something nasty to you, they want you to react. So pretend you didn’t hear it. Don’t acknowledge them or give them any attention for it. If they continue insulting you or bothering you in any way, walk away from them. Don’t look at them or talk to them; just walk away. After a few times of you doing this they will probably get bored and stop picking on you.
- Once you have tried everything to solve, turn them over to the universe and walk away (mentally, if you can't actually leave).
- They have their own issues to work out. Ignore them and focus on your own strength and positive attributes.
- Always remember that you can't please all the people all the time. It's impossible. Doing the best you can at the time is all you should expect of yourself or others.
If this person starts being violent towards you or continue offending you or upsetting you, and ignoring them is not helping, tell them that their behavior is upsetting you and tell them that they have no reason for it. If they still carry on, you will have to learn to stop being upset by their comments and realize that whatever they say is probably a lie.^{[7]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting Support

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These people will make you feel more confident about yourself and you should realize that it doesn’t matter what haters say as long as you have good friends by your side.^{[8]
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What do I do if my enemies ignore me and keep talking behind my back during class?

Community Answer

Just ignore them like they do with you. Focus on your friends and being who you are - don't let your enemies' problems be your problems. You can't control what other people do, so don't try. Generally, if bullies see that you are unfazed by their harassment, they will get bored and stop.

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How should I deal with a person who stares at me while threatening me?

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Just look right into their eyes, firmly and confidently. Smile at them and then leave. That's how to show them that you don't care.

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What should I do if she spreads rumors about me?

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You know the truth, and so do your real friends. Shake it off. She's probably just jealous because you're so great!

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Psychologists say we are rarely bothered by another's behavior unless we have the same problem ourselves. This is true of your hater but it is also true of you.^{[9]
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Enemies are also mean to a person because of jealousy. Keep this in mind when dealing with enemies.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

One of the possible reasons enemies may attack you physically and verbally is because they have emotional and mental problems in their life. This causes them to take their anger and pain on others, even if they've never hurt them.

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Warnings

Never be scared of them.

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Never act like those losers.

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Ignore them, you don't have to be their friend.

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When you talk to them, think before you talk.

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They are only enemies and only do that to gain attention.

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Never try to hurt them when they are being mean.

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Don't back talk to them.

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