This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Madeleine Flamiano. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
There are 17 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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If you want to cope with envy, you're already on the path to healing. Envy, the act of comparing yourself to others and feeling jealous of what they have, can lead to low self-esteem and make you feel negatively about your life. Fortunately, there are many expert-backed ways to overcome this emotion. Here, we'll teach you how to confront envy and replace it with positive feelings, like gratitude and admiration. If you'd like to embrace yourself and others, read on—with these steps, it'll be easier to resist envy.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I stop comparing myself to my sister-in-law, who is a total social butterfly and makes friends with everybody? Some context: I used to be shy, but I'm not anymore. Still, I still feel negatively when I think about her.wikiHowOur goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.
The most trusted how-to site on the internet.In order to avoid feeling envy about your sister-in-law, you can either focus on any of her social skills that you admire or you can reflect on all the wonderful qualities that you have. You can also try both of these strategies. When she shines in social situations, take note of what she does. Maybe she asks a lot of questions or tells funny stories. Consider whether you'd like to model this behavior, too. If you're less shy but still an introvert or a little more reserved, you can tell yourself, "I am incredibly thoughtful and think about what people say before I speak." What's most important is that you celebrate your unique value. -
QuestionI've been compared to my more academically successful best friend for years, and recently it's started to make me jealous. I'm afraid I'm being toxic, how can I get rid of this envy?wikiHowOur goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.
The most trusted how-to site on the internet.First of all, you should congratulate yourself for wanting to be a healthy and supportive friend. In order to maintain a thriving friendship, practice gratitude that you have such a smart person in your life. Since you think so highly of them, you should be proud you're in their life. Also think about how your friend can help you out with your academic goals. Finally, focus on improving your own academic performance and doing the best you can at school. -
QuestionWhat if you're the person who is envied? How do you deal with the envious person obtaining one of the things that caused their envy in the first place?wikiHowOur goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.
The most trusted how-to site on the internet.You should be happy for them. If they reached their goal and obtained what they wanted, it's a good sign that they don't resent other people and instead look to them for inspiration. Unless this individual shows signs of competitiveness, then it's likely they're just on a path of self-improvement.
Tips
References
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_to_ease_your_envy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joy-and-pain/201501/the-important-distinction-between-benign-and-malicious-envy
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/connecting-to-your-core-self
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201103/recovering-more-the-core-self
- ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7364393/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201805/the-beginners-guide-changing-negative-thoughts
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5949559/
- ↑ https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/joop.12008
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/suffering-from-jealousy-try-these-10-tips-to-overcome-it
- ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00779/full
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20658846/
- ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/the-5-types-of-mentors-you-need-in-your-life/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/mental-shifts-to-stop-caring-what-people-think-of-you
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19040794/
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10608-020-10135-y