How to Handle Haters and Jealous People

Co-authored by Nicolette Tura, MA

Last Updated: November 29, 2024 Approved

When someone feels inferior or slighted, they often express their feelings in the form of jealousy or hate. These feelings can cause uncomfortable situations and make you feel bad for your success. Confronting haters and jealous people head on and utilizing different strategies to help them overcome their jealousy will help you culture positive relationships.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Dealing with Haters and Jealous People

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1
Avoid taking it personally. Know that when a person is jealous of you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Be confident in yourself. Don’t allow a jealous person to affect your confidence or to create self doubt.^{[1]
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<i>Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness.</i> Hauck, Paul A. Westminster John Knox Press. 1981.}
- Keep doing what you're doing, and don't allow others to stop you.
- Focus on people that support you.
- Remind yourself that they're jealous because you are doing something well.
Although it’s hard to do, ignoring mean comments from jealous people tells them you are not going to validate their feelings.^{[2]
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3
Address haters in your daily life head on. When ignoring someone is not an option, approaching the situation directly may help release the jealous tension. Have a conversation to confront them about their behavior.
- "I want to have a positive working relationship; what can I do to help promote that environment?"
- "While I appreciate your constructive criticisms, I feel that you sometimes come across a little harsh."
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Reduce your negative interactions with the person. If you can change your environment or social dynamics it will reduce the jealous person’s ability to influence you.^{[3]
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- Hang out with people who support you, so the hater is less likely to confront you when you're with a group.
- When you see the jealous person, be the first to speak with a polite greeting then move on.
- Become friends with their friends to make them feel like the outsider.
Take a different path when walking, use a bathroom in another hallway, or see if you can switch your schedule to change classes or shifts.
6
Set boundaries. Don’t feel like you have to continue to listen to a jealous person vent to you all the time. Set boundaries to distance yourself from the person. Make a mental time limit for how long you will engage with a negative person, then politely excuse yourself from the conversation.^{[4]
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- Give yourself 1 minute when you talk to them, then walk away saying "I need to go check something."
- Keep track of negative comments, and after 3, end the conversation.
7
Let the person know that you don't appreciate the negativity. While you don't want to be rude and upset the person further, making them aware of how they are making you feel may cause them to change their behavior.
- "I feel uncomfortable with the way you speak to me."
- "Your approach when we talk makes me feel bad. Can we change our interactions to be more positive?"

Part 2

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Helping People Overcome Their Jealousy

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1
Rise above the haters and jealous people. No matter how negative a person is, keep your interactions with them positive. Show them a better way to handle situations by being the example.
- Compliment the person on their positive traits.
- Be kind in all your interactions with the person.
- Offer to help the person improve their skills in the area they are jealous of you.
EXPERT TIP

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach

Try to show the other person compassion. If you're dealing with someone who's negative, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that maybe they're just having a bad day. It can be hard in the moment when the situation is charged, it will serve you to remember that usually negative people are having a really tough time. You don't have to be a doormat, but you can help find a peaceful resolution without sacrificing your own integrity.
2
Connect with them about your personal struggles. Some people feel like they are the only ones who have negative experiences. Opening up about your own personal pitfalls may help them realize they are not alone and improve your relationship.
- Share times that you have failed at something.
- Discuss tasks that are difficult for you.
- Ask the jealous person to help you with something to help their confidence.
Jealousy can come from feeling inferior. Offering to tutor or coach a jealous person to improve their skills in the area in which they are jealous of you may help alleviate the feelings. Be supportive of the other person's efforts so you don't come across as condescending by implying that you are better than the other person.^{[5]
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EXPERT TIP

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
Alicia Oglesby is an Academic Counseling Expert based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She is currently pursuing a PhD in Education at the University of Pittsburgh and working as a Graduate Research Assistant. She was previously employed as the Associate Director of College Counseling at the Winchester Thurston School. Prior to that, she worked as a Director of School and College Counseling at 4 other secondary schools. With over twelve years of experience in academic counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College.

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor

Be kind to jealous peers. If classmates seem jealous, sincerely remind them of their own wonderful gifts and talents so they remember that they shine bright too. Share the spotlight — it makes everyone feel better, including you.
If someone is jealous because of what you have or are doing show them options as alternatives. It is not always possible to provide what everyone wants. Be creative in creating alternative options to present to people who are jealous of you. Try offering multiple possibilities to allow them to make a choice.^{[6]
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You don’t need to stop using social media, but thinking about the way others perceive you can go a long way in making sure your posts aren’t offensive and creating jealousy.

Part 3

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Understanding the Origins of Jealousy and Negativity

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People get jealous when they feel that someone else has something that should be theirs. People who are jealous often blame others around them rather than recognizing the emotion that is making them feel hurt.
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Find the specific source of the person’s jealousy. Most jealousy comes from fears; the fear of being disrespected or not being loved can be powerful influences. Find out what fear is fueling the jealousy to gain perspective on where they are coming from. The jealousy can stem from a variety of sources:^{[7]
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- Physical objects
- Personal relationships
- Professional positions
- Social status
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Ask directly what is bothering the person. Politely approach someone who is acting jealous or hating on your success and ask them why. Don’t add more reasons for them to be upset by being rude, but be direct and open for best results. You could try one of these suggestions to help them open up:
- ”I’ve noticed you acting different around me. Have I done something that bothered you?”
- ”I want to make sure I haven’t upset you, is everything ok?”
- ”You’re an awesome person, and I wanted to know if there was something that is coming between us.”

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Separating Jealousy and Criticism

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Think about who is providing the comments you feel are hateful or jealous. If the person is your superior or a coach, they are most likely trying to help you improve and not cut you down.
Some people have a tendency for medically recognized delusional jealousy. These individuals constantly express jealousy and may not mean what they are saying.
Even when you feel that someone is being too blunt or rude with their comments, you can still accept their comments as constructive criticisms. Embrace the suggestions and keep your outlook positive.

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Understand that you must be doing well at something if people are jealous; let that motivate you.

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Helpful 20 Not Helpful 1
Do not share any information with narcissistic people. These people thrive on negative information about you and use it as a tool to manipulate others' perceptions of you. Keep a safe distance and share nothing with them. If they are family members, talk about them to avoid talking about you.

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Helpful 17 Not Helpful 1
Remember, haters are just people who have negativity for what others have, like talent, or passion, not because of your personality.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Haters want attention, so don't give them the response that they're looking for. Their jealousy means you're doing something right, so use their behavior as motivation. Once they know that you aren't going to respond to them, they will move on.
Remember, you don't have to suffer alone. Let your friends know how you feel, and don't bottle up your anger. Writing a letter about a hater can also help you process your emotions.
Online users usually write mean comments because they know they won't get caught. Fortunately, you can always block or report them.
Talking to a mentor (or God) always makes me feel better. Explain your situation to them and then ask for guidance.

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