How to Deal With Falling in Love with Your Best Friend (for Guys)

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 7, 2024 Approved

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If you're one of those guys who's begun having feelings for your female best friend (or just a female friend), these instructions might help. Dealing with it can be very tough, especially if you find she doesn't feel the same way about you.

1

Determine if you are compatible.

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You've likely seen your best friend in a relationship with someone else before. Is she flirty with other men even when they're not single or does she become all-consumed in a relationship with someone? Examine her (and your own) common traits when dating someone and see if you can handle this step-up in relation with her.

2

Consider your habits and lifestyles.

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Does she do things that completely irritate you (and vice versa)? If so, the chances of lasting in a long-term relationship will be affected. Annoying habits are easy to brush over for a few months before they become all you notice.

3

Think about how you communicate.

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Consider your abilities to compromise with her. There's way more give-and-take in a relationship than there is in a friendship. Can you truly accommodate each other's wants and needs? Can you do so maturely?

4

Think about whether you can trust her.

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Assess your ability to trust her in a romantic relationship. If you're already best friends, you already know each other's secrets and some very personal information about one another. Can you trust your friend not to fall in love with someone else again or use that information against you if you break up?

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?

Are you starting to wonder whether your feelings for your best friend are strictly platonic? Maybe you think about them all the time or get butterflies in your stomach when they’re around; either way, it feels like there’s something more to your relationship with them. If you’re ready to figure out how you feel about your bestie (and how to deal with those feelings), take our quiz below.

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Do you try to look nice when you know you’ll be seeing your bestie?

Yes, definitely. I feel a strong need to present my best self to them, so I do my hair, makeup, everything.

Sometimes. I don't go all out, but I wouldn't see my BFF wearing sweats or something.

Maybe? I hadn't thought about it before, so I'm not actually sure.

Of course not! The whole point of a best friend is that they accept you no matter how you look.

5

Determine your level of interest in her.

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If the attraction is mostly physical, a fling may not be worth damaging such a close friendship over. If you don't want to risk the mental component of your relationship, look at finding a casual sex partner elsewhere.

6

See if she likes you back.

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Test the waters to determine if she has the same feelings for you.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Remember, she might look at you as a brother figure and then be shocked when you tell her how you feel about her. This could ruin everything, but it could also make the relationship better. Weigh the risks against the possibilities. Be careful about coming out too suddenly or openly. No matter what you have to say, there's always a gentle way to say it.

7

Subtly hint that you’re interested in her.

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Drop subtle comments like, "You know, we've been friends for a long time," or "What would I do without you?" These are essentially harmless displays of affection toward her. However, don't drop them too often because you will risk being too obvious.

8

Do fun things together.

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Enjoy the same activities you always have as best friends. This helps show her that you're fun to be around.

9

Make her laugh.

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Use humor to get closer to her. If you both have a sense of humor, tell each other jokes you like. It serves to entertain you both (and if you're lucky, you may get emotionally closer before you even properly realize). If you have an inside joke, use it when it fits the situation.

10

Be there for her.

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If she wants a shoulder to cry on, offer one. If she's cold, lend your jacket. Over time, she's bound to notice how great you are. You need to make sure she sees what a great boyfriend you would make and starts thinking about the idea herself. Remember to be there for her because you care about her, not because you expect anything in return.

11

Be patient and keep being her friend.

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It can take time to build your connection, so be patient. If you're lucky and compatible, things will work out. Most relationships are made long in advance and are just waiting to happen.

12

Confess your feelings for her.

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Tell her how you feel.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} This is often easier for a guy than a girl because most girls are pretty considerate of feelings. Give her a chance to understand you and when you think the time is right, tell her what you think.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Of course, you may risk ruining and/or losing your friendship, or at least changing it even if you don't want to. But if it turns out lucky, then she will be even more considerate of you and your feelings.
- Don't break the news in an awkward, uncomfortable place where they won't have any escape route, like a party.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}

13

Respect her decision.

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If she doesn't end up liking you back, stay cool. Be prepared for an acceptance or a rejection after you confess your feelings.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If she doesn’t feel the same, be casual and try not to let the friendship get awkward. Try to get things back to the way they were before.
- Your friend might also not have an immediate answer. Give them time to think things over with a clear head.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Reader Poll: We asked 466 wikiHow readers, and 50% of them agreed that the best way to cope with changes in your friendship is to focus on your own interests and hobbies. [Take Poll] This can help you handle and move on from the rejection.

Join the Discussion...

Help, I have a crush on my best friend!

29

WikiBirdWatcher823

How do I handle having a crush on my best friend? I think she’s amazing, and we do everything together. But I don’t know if she feels the sam... Read More

12

John Keegan
Dating Coach

This is a tough situation to be in. The best thing to do when you have a crush on your best friend is find out if they feel the same way. Sometim... Read More

2

WikiPlumJammer865

Hey man, I went through the same thing, and it’s rough. My advice is to just talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and be clear that you both val... Read More

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Tips

If you decide to tell her, say something about it being okay if you just want to be friends and that you can get over it if she doesn't feel that way. Tell her you couldn't keep it to yourself any longer, but you can deal with it if she doesn't feel the same way.

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Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0
If you are going to tell her your feelings, talk to her personally. Don't use text messages or e-mail. Don't tell her in public because she might get very embarrassed. Also don't do it drunk because it will be very awkward the next morning, especially if neither of you remember.

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Helpful 3 Not Helpful 1
If she expresses any negative emotion, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you outright. Maybe she has never thought about the two of you dating. She actually might need time to think about it. Don't just say you were kidding! She will either see through your lie or think it's a cruel joke.

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Warnings

If you tell her and she isn't interested, steer clear of rubbing your feelings in and trying to make her love you. You'll lose a very good friend.

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Helpful 182 Not Helpful 18
Even if you do get together, this can spell utter doom for the friendship. You might get together, but what if you break up later on? Even if it's mutual, you would be seeing your former lover in the arms of other people. How would that make you feel? Be mindful of the future.

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Helpful 141 Not Helpful 25
This can be a very tricky situation. If you truly love her, you will know in your heart and the truth will want to come out. Pick a good moment to tell her and it may just work out your way.

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