How Do Guys Know when They've Met the One?

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How do men act when they're in love? Our expert weighs in

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Eric McClure

Last Updated: December 10, 2024 Fact Checked

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A man may tell you that he has finally found the one, but how do you really know? What signs do you need to look for? We spoke to psychologist and certified life and relationship coach Lisa Shield to get the inside scoop on what a guy will think, do, and say when he has finally found “the one.”

1

He’s beaming with confidence.

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If he thinks you’re the one, he’ll walk around feeling like the bee’s knees. Nothing makes a man feel more confident and powerful than the love of the woman he thinks is the one. That sense of security and support can’t come from a good relationship with a friend or a big promotion at work.^{[1]
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Research source}A man who has found the one is also likely to express fewer negative emotions, too. They may be less judgmental, prone to anger, or nervous.

2

He’s making an effort.

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Does he show up to dates well-dressed and on time? Is he trimming his beard to keep it clean? Is his home or room well-kempt and clean? If so, he thinks you’re special! Psychologist and relationship coach Lisa Shield agrees:

“Women tend to dress better than men. It angers my female clients since they will put all that energy and attention into looking nice for a day, and it seems like very often the guy will just go through the laundry pile and find the least unwashed clothing.” If he’s trying hard, you may be the one.

3

He’s pursuing things he cares about.

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A man who thinks he has found the one will let up a bit on a lot of the socializing and clubbing because he knows he’s got you.

That means he’ll have more time in his day to pursue the stuff he finds personally interesting—not just stuff a potential partner would want to do. If he suddenly gets super into woodworking, video games, or working on cars, it’s a great sign.^{[2]
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4

He talks about the future with you.

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A guy won’t make plans for the future if he doesn’t picture a life with you. If he thinks you’re the one, he may talk about future trips the two of you should take or ask about where the two of you should retire. If he keeps bringing up the future with you, he’s in it for the long haul and you’re the one.^{[3]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 348 wikiHow readers what they think of marriage, and 73% of them said that marriage is important to them and they plan to get married one day. [Take Poll] So if he's taking your relationship seriously, he could also be thinking about marriage.

5

He makes you a priority.

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If he’s sure you’re the one, you’re going to be the major focus of his life. He’ll put chores, hangout sessions with friends, and even work aside just to see you. If you feel like you’re one of the most important people in his life, he probably knows who he wants to spend the rest of his life with!^{[4]
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This doesn’t mean that he’ll drop anything. In fact, it’s probably unhealthy if he drops important events, like a friend’s birthday or SAT practice.

6

He brings you around friends and family.

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A man who knows what he wants will be excited about taking things to the next level. If he is excited about introducing you to his parents, extended family, and close friends, it’s a major signal that he’s not interested in anybody else. This is a guy who wants to build something with you.^{[5]
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Research source}The reverse is also true. If a guy is in love, he’ll want to meet your friends and family, too!

7

He wants you to pick up his hobbies.

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If you’re dating a game guy and he asks you if you’d be interested in playing with him and his friends or you’re going out with a movie buff and he wants to bring you to a film festival, it’s a good sign.

For a lot of guys, hobbies are everything. So, the fact that he wants to bring you into his “world” means a lot.^{[6]
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Research source}A guy who thinks you’re the one may also take an interest in your hobbies—even if he hadn’t previously expressed interest in them.

8

He remembers details about you.

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If a guy suddenly starts remembering a sweater you wore, an offhand reference you made to a movie, or that you don’t like mustard on your hot dogs, it means something. Men are famous for their ability to forget things, so if he’s suddenly a memory whiz when it comes to you, it means he thinks you’re Ms. Right.^{[7]
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9

He shares his secrets.

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A lot of men are conditioned to be quiet, strong, and stoic, so it’s a big deal if your man has told you things he has never told anyone else. Whether they’re things he’s embarrassed about from grade school or a secret desire to learn how to knit, the fact that he told you is a major sign you’re the one for him.

10

He makes you feel strong and supported.

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How you feel matters a lot when it comes to interpreting how a man feels about you. If the relationship makes you feel like the world is your oyster because you’ve got the love you need behind you, it’s proof that he’s deeply invested in the relationship and thinks you’re wife material.

11

He genuinely admires you.

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Admiration is that feeling you get when you catch him staring at you with a smile. It’s that sense of warmth when he holds you tight and tells you how lucky he his or when he tells you he’s working hard because he wants to make you proud. This isn’t normal relationship stuff; this is a sign you two have something special.

12

He wants to improve for you.

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There’s an old cliché that couples who have kind of “given up” will start putting on weight and stop trying to impress one another. So, if your man is still ambitious, driven, and trying to impress you, it’s a reflection that you’re something truly special to him.

13

He’s vulnerable.

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Does he tell you when he’s sad? Is he open about it when he’s worried that something might be off with you two? Vulnerability is essential to the health of any relationship, but it can be hard for men to open up—even if they’re super into someone.

So, if your partner has learned how to be open and vulnerable to you, it’s a big cue that he thinks you may be the one.

14

He’ll go back to things you like.

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If you mention that you like dirty talk in the bedroom and he shows up 2 weeks later whispering sweet nothings in your ear, it’s a big indicator.

Even the smaller things matter. If you mention you like a sweater he wore to dinner once and all of a sudden it’s his favorite sweater, you’ve got something meaningful on your hands.^{[8]
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15

He treats conflict with care and tact.

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Every couple argues. But what matters is how your guy argues. If he slams on tables and refuses to back down on anything, it means he isn’t taking you seriously as an equal.

However, if he thinks he has found the one, he’ll be much more diplomatic in his approach. If your conflict has the texture of “us vs. the problem” and not “you vs. me,” he thinks you’re it.A man in love will also look for a middle ground in the “little” things. If you want sushi for dinner and he wants burgers, does he scrap over it or offer to look for a fusion spot?

16

He mentions you on social media.

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A man who thinks he has found the one will not be shy about how he feels. In fact, he’ll likely be bragging to his friends about how great you are when you aren’t around.

While you won’t be able to listen in to his private conversations, you can see what he’s up to on Facebook and Instagram. If he’s posting about you and sharing photos of you, he’s into you in a way that’s special.^{[9]
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Research source}Try not to read too much into this if he isn’t posting about you and he was never a big social media guy to begin with. Some men just don’t share a lot online like that.

17

He uses “we” a lot.

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Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter. If your partner uses a ton of “we” language (as opposed to “I” language), it means that you’ve fully embedded yourself into the fabric of his thoughts. It’s no longer just about what he wants—it’s about the two of you and what you’re building together.^{[10]
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Research source}For example, instead of saying something like, “I’d love to go to Sweden one day,” he might say, “We should go to Sweden some day.”

18

He gets excited about plans.

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Men aren’t known for their ability to keep track of future plans, so if you’re with a guy who actively remembers—and gets excited about—the things you two have on the calendar. This is a major sign that he’s deeply invested in you and extremely excited about the future you two are going to share.^{[11]
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